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When Patience Is Tested And Respect Is Bound To Be Lost - Aplogies For The Major Rant

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sbonigala, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Did your MIL help your DD in any way with the oiling of hair? If not, why is she reacting to your scolding your DD?

    I'd say don't give in. Keep it casual. Monday's have a way of taking care of some things.
     
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  2. idonthatemylife

    idonthatemylife Silver IL'ite

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    You girl are a star.
     
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  3. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Naa MIL did not help DD.
    DD woke up early and oiled her hair. Just one of those things that little girls do, maybe !
    I wouldn't have been upset had it been not been for the oil dripping down her forehead and back of her neck. She did this before too. Twice or thrice. DH and I explained to her very patiently that we don't appreciate it and that if she likes to oil her hair, she can ask us and we'll show her how much is enough. I let her oil her hair on her own sometimes but this time she almost finished half the bottle that too the very next morning after washing her hair the previous night. Hence my rage.

    MIL is upset because she doesn't want anyone to scold her grandkids.
    Basically she thinks I am no one in my kids life and that their dad is the supreme human. After him, it's her and FIL and DH's brothers.I don't have a place in their lives. But my BIL are so cool. They know the boundaries and ensure that they have their own boundaries in place for MIL and FIL.

    It's Monday and as you said am planning to let things happen as the usual Monday unfolds. As everyday I offered MIL tea/breakfast. She said, "I can make if I want." Standard response from last 24 hours.
    Because it is my house, I am doing my job of offering stuff as a decent host. If she doesn't want to have, I don't know what else I should do.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
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  4. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    I have to survive, so I have not much choice but to eat out.
    Now me being a star is something for my daughter to learn that she doesn't have to budge for wrong people and wrong reasons
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
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  5. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    It is actually outrageous that your MIL is giving you the silent treatment because YOU scolder YOUR OWN Kid. That is heights!! I would say ignore it and just walk around normally as if you have no clue she is angry. This way , she is the one throwing a tantrum and not you. I would say, go one extra step and be very lovey dovey with your daughter. Hug her, do "koooche kooche kooche" without any reason and shower her with some extra love this weekend. Your MIL will be back to normal :)
     
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  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Gauri, for taking time to reply.

    I did exactly the same because in all honesty I do not understand why she is angry if I scold my own kid !
    The massive help was DH throughout the weekend. He was ignoring her too and did not speak much with her. He agrees that there is no reason for her to be angry when we scold our kids. In the meantime DD realized that she upset me with the oiling stuff and she understood that she messed up her morning herself which would have otherwise been so nice with favorite breakfast and her usual weekend morning hot chocolate. She went an extra mile - cleaned my bed, organised the pillows and picked up the rubbish .
    Usually I give kids one dollar each for working in the house, but this time I gave them $2 each, they were super happy and hugged me so many times and kissed me so many times and have been humming love you amma so many times. My daughter went to bed saying, "Mom, you are the best mom, love you so much amma"

    Looks like my MIL got the message. She woke up but did not come out of the room. I got the kids ready and gave them breakfast through out the time DD was happy and when she left to school, she gave me a huge hug and kiss. am happy that kids understand the reason when I scold them sometimes.

    Not sure why they forget that their turn to raise the kids is OVER and its their DILs turn to raise the kids now.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2016
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  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, your MIL silent treatment may not be just because of you scolded your daughter, in the back of her mind, many other things must be raising her temperature...hence the silent treatment, if you feel you are wrong say sorry and start talking, if you feel you are right, than stand your ground and ignore her silent treatment....continue your normal behaviour with her....if you will give in now that will give your mil message that she can bend you with her silent treatment...
     
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  8. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

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    It's better we ignore them once in awhile. It's a indication to them that they can not act childish and expect us to bend down. I don't see any reason for you to bend down. Just be casual without any reasonings. As you husband is also supporting don't worry much. Few times you will feel bad about it.
     
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  9. ISHASHAKTI

    ISHASHAKTI New IL'ite

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    Hello All,

    I am a newbie here...I am not sure how to start the new thread here with my situation. This discussion seems to be more relatable to me so I am posting a small problem of mine in this forum. just the small Highlights of my marriage and life at the current moment. I am 28 years old married for 6 years after 6 years of being in a relationship with my Husband. We have no kids at the moment. It was teenage love. Everything was so well in our marriage until last three years when my husband came to usa to stay with me in 2013 after visa approval. I came to united states in 2009 after marriage leaving my DH in India. My MIL is a gem of a person but i have a SIL who was so jealous of me and my family from the beginning as i was more educated and a working women at a very young age and she cannot see my family's love and respect towards my husband. Me and my parents are very open minded where as my DH family is very orthodox. So my SIL use to play games from the beginning to break our relationship but was not successful. My DH was very supportive towards me and my family and I was the same towards his but the story completely changed when he came to usa and started living with us.. he started hating my parents and my siblings in just a week.. actually my SIL used to brainwash him since I left him in India and came to Usa.. the three years of long diatance caused alot of harm to our relationship. My DH is so sensitive. He lost his father at avery young age and his brother looked after the family but i am taking care of him since i came to usa and got married emotionally and financially when he neded. He SIL takes advantage of the situation and always blackmails my husband and MIL abou how her husband took care of them.. my BIL got the government job of my FIL after my FIL passed away.. the short story is Right now DH is not getting along with my sister and hates my family for no reason. My family is my strength . DH tried to seperate me from my family but i got angry with his behaviour and left him.. he came back to me and we reconciled and he gave me the freedom to do whatever i want but he does not speak to my siblings the way he used to before.. now i have started confronting SIL about he harm she has caused( i have listened DH and SIL convesation her saying he should not speak to my family and he cannot live with his inlaws as society will laugh at him and much more ) in my life but the hubby does not support me the way he used to.. since then we are having problems please suggest me what should i do..
     
  10. ISHASHAKTI

    ISHASHAKTI New IL'ite

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    Hello All,

    I am a newbie here...I am not sure how to start the new thread here with my situation. This discussion seems to be more relatable to me so I am posting a small problem of mine in this forum. just the small Highlights of my marriage and life at the current moment. I am 28 years old married for 6 years after 6 years ofbeen in a relationship with my husband for more than 12 years. We have no kids at the moment. It was teenage love. Everything was so well in our marriage until last three years when my husband came to usa to stay with me in 2013 after visa approval and i came to united states in 2009 after marriage leaving my DH in India. My MIL is a gem of a person but i have a SIL who was so jealous of me and my family from the beginning as i was more educated and a working women at a very young age and my family's love and respect towards my husband. Me and my parents are very open minded where as my DH family is very orthodox. So my SIL use to play games from the beginning to break our relationship but was not successful. My DH was very supportive towards me and my family and I was the same towards his but the story completely changed when he came to usa and started living with us.. he started hating my parents and my siblings in just a week.. actually mu SIL used to brainwash him since inleft him in India and came to Usa.. the three years of long diatance caused alot of harm to our relationship. My DH is so sensitive. He lost his father at avery young age and his brother looked after tha family bu i am taking care of him since i came to usa and got married. Right now he is not getting along with my sister and lovemy sister a lot.. he tried to seperate me from my family but i got angry with his behaviour and left him them he came back to me since then we are having problems please suggest me ehat
     

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