When Patience Is Tested And Respect Is Bound To Be Lost - Aplogies For The Major Rant

Lol I wish you travel with me so I can show MIL to you and say, "This is whom I wrote about "

 

Last night my eldest BIL called .
My nephew has had a minor bike accident and got hurt on the knees and is unable to go to college for a few days and is feeling really bad for missing college. DH and I know that he is after a girl in college and is waiting for us to go to India so he can talk more about this girl. We took it really easy because thats the age !
I was pulling my BIL legs saying, "don't forget how you guys to roam around on bikes to look at girls, now you have rules in place for your son. Leave him alone."
BIL then asked us about our home plans and India trip plans and whom are we visiting etc etc so he can plan his leave accordingly. The call was going on very merrily all of us taking about our trip and gifts and catch-ups. I mentioned to him that I have a plan to visit my uncle for a couple of days.
We finished the call after 5 mins.
That's it !! My MIL lost it with me and DH and said, "Couple of days !! Go on 26th morning and come back 27th evening. We have to visit my village to see my sisters. Spend some time with them. And yea if possible leave the kids here with us and go to your uncle's house. they have a dog and kids will be scared. What are you going to do there for couple of days? And please drop off all the plans to meet friends and others. You are coming home after 4 years and only for 3 weeks. I need my son to stay at my place."
She was screaming and we did not understand whats going on !

I waited till she finished and then said, "Mom, I did not know you have a plan to take us to your sister's place.
I am not saying I wont come. You did not have to scream like this. You could have stayed calm and said we also have this in the agenda - Lets see how can we accommodate this. I would have happily sat down with you and planned the trip. Now that you screamed for no reason - please let me clarify - I am going on 26th morning and coming back on 29th morning. I am not covering any shopping stuff during my stay there. I will take the kids and go. If the kids are scared of dog, they will learn to deal with their fears. Its a dog not a tiger. My aunt can lock it upstairs.
Now, regarding your sister's house visit - take your son and go. I am NOT coming neither are my kids. Reason - If my kids cannot visit my uncle and aunt, I wont let them visit DH's uncle and aunt either. Its both or none case.
Next is friends - DH has lots of plans to meet friends. They decided on dates/plans and places already. If your son does not spend time with you after 4 years, sorry as an outsider in your house I cannot spend time with you all.
If my plans and my trip is causing you trauma - I have a alternative. I will go to my uncle's place straight from the airport and will base my trip there. Will visit you for Christmas and new year. I will reach airport on the day of departure. Does that help?

Please do NOT test my patience so much that I begin to lose it with you at the drop of the hat. It hurts me to talk like this because this is not my nature. But I am forced to talk like this because I am tired and exhausted as I mentioned earlier. I can no more be the quiet, forever forgiving, take it easy kind of DIL any more.She is no more. I am changed and will remain like this - whether someone likes it or not.

Later DH asked me to revisit my plans so that I can accommodate our dinners with some cousins- I told him I have no plans just had to tell her something. But am open to his ideas because we have lots to shop for and loads of friends to catchup with. He said he will make sure that I spend less time at home and as much time as possible outside home.

 

Exactly this episode happened. I got up a bit late and my DD comes to me with her hair full of oil. I just washed her hair last evening because this morning we were going to church. And my DD oiled her hair like crazy. I scolded her for doing so and gave her a hair wash again. Me scolding my DD triggered the above dialogues and drama and a silent treatment from MIL towards me.
DH couldn't take his mom bring hurt so much. Poor son of my MIL. So when we walked out of the church he tried asking me to speak to his mom. I looked him into his eyes and said, "if your mom can be upset when I scold my own daughter, how much should I be upset with your mom who badmouths me relentlessly and never appreciates anything I did for her always going above and beyond my capacity financially and emotionally. I think I cannot continue to let her have a tantrum like a baby. If she wants to talk I will talk to her but please don't force me to shamelessly beg her to speak to me. I can't do that. I cannot lose my dignity and self respect."

She did not speak a single word since this morning and is clearly avoiding being in front of me. She's continuously sleeping and avoiding anything to do with me.

Well, Am not sure if I should do anything or just take it easy.

 

Am new to this silent treatment as in earlier whenever this happened I used to be the first person to go and speak and try and mend.
Now DH does not want me to do that anymore. But as an individual it's against my basic nature.
When I said that relationship is important to me over ego, DH said there a thin line between ego and self respect and that I should not forget it.

Can someone please suggest if I should do something about the silent treatment or leave it.