Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sbonigala, Oct 10, 2016.
Start from today!..
Not a bad idea.... just that MIL doesn't live with us.
Glad you got to have a good vacation OP.
Op....do your in laws stay separate?
mil with you and fil in India?
Thank you YM.
No they stay together. It's just that my MIL chose to visit alone this time.
She usually leaves FIL and travels to her sisters place quite often, 6 hour journey
@sbonigala , your posts are like a fresh breeze for me....when i see posts of dils who are going through more or less same crap from their inlaws, i feel hopeless about our soceity who treats the DIL so low, also i feel angry on women who accepts such crap on the name of love for their husbands...
I dont feel from your posts that you are getting rude to anybody....you are just repeating what your MIL said to you about household chores, then how repeating can be rude?? and if it is rude than your MIL had been rude to you, not otherwise...
Reply which you gave to your relative is awesome and appropriate....it pains my heart when i see that people prefer sons over daughter, it pains my heart equally when people calls name to those sons for no fault of theirs...basically it appears as if people wants children just for their convenience and benefit....such people need some eye opener replies.
stay as you are, righteous and fearless....
DIL hands are tied by words family values, family break up and what not.
And the DIL who is silent only gets this crap from in laws, they never dare to open the mouth for daring DIL's.
I was one such DIL, who used to take crap from In laws .its quite difficult here with passive aggressive people, who also take care of my DD, unsupportive husband. He was thinking his parents knwo much. It was all mental game
took some good 6 years to raise my voice, Later lot of conflicts between me and my FIL,
Now they think twice to tell anything to me.
That kind of assertiveness is required with unsupportive husband. Its good husband being neutral than talking by sides.
With passive aggressive in laws, you can not convey your message. Then do not understand your point.
I have been into this state, we dont know whether they are right or not, but you will end up not speaking your mind.
Initial days, it would look like you are very aggressive, but over the course ,it would be alright.
it is not 'such treatment' ....She is just standing up for herself....she is never initiating it, her inlaws giving her chance often to give back what can she do??....what a woman should do against crappy treatment from inlaws??? cry alone or at shoulder of husband/parents/sisters.....??? write posts on internet where she will get advice to ignore....after that she should continue giving deferential treatment to her inlaws??
when relatives are giving opinion about how son changes after marriage, she is also entitled to give her opinion or she should just listen because she is DIL who should not have an opinion....
Her MIL cant have both ways... criticizing her for household chores , at the same time continue having her services....even maid runs away after listening to such criticism.....
Your are a great Inspiration..I am reading your posts again and again to go through my current situations..
My pondering was why is the husband fine with the status quo and with his family needing/receiving such treatment and such responses so often. I don't blame him, and definitely not OP. It was only a pondering as to why such a state of affairs (is allowed to) continue. Speaking for myself, I would not be fine with my DH being fine with me having to stand up for myself in this manner again and again. Gets tiring for all. I understand that this is better than a DH who won't even allow his wife to stand up for herself.
Was the entitlement questioned? No. The judiciousness of giving such opinion is what I asked about. Again, speaking for myself, I would never give such speech in any in-law's relative house, no matter how close I am. At any in-laws' related places, or even at the place of in-law's of my cousins, nieces, nephews etc., I avoid talk on gender issues and women's equality. Same for whatsapp groups.
OP is candid and brave and gutsy, so I asked some follow-up questions. To which she gave pretty good replies.