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When Kids Lie..

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by momto2kids, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. momto2kids

    momto2kids New IL'ite

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    How do you re-teach fundamental life skills to teens?
    we are struggling with two teenage kids at home, that lie about the basic self skills.
    SUch as brushing teeth, bath.
    DH who is 15, spends an hour each day with the shower turned on, comes out without actually taking a bath.

    I know this as a fact, as I can tell when I scan the surroundings. When I question about it, he gets mad and lies that he did take a shower and challenges me that I don't trust him.
    He does get clean once every few days. Now I keep forwarding him videos and articles that explain basic hygiene and stuff that irritates him.
    I never thought I had to deal with the lessons that they have mastered a decade ago.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
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  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I dread to think of the phase when my kids are teenagers .

    I would let this slide though. In the big scheme of things, I would worry more about my kids doing drugs, alcohol, having unsafe physical experiences . If his grades are fine and he is other wise a good kid, let him be.

    Teenage years are very tricky. You cannot lose the connection you share with him over harmless things. At 15, he is expecting you to not tell him basic things like brush / shower/ etc.
    Try to treat him like a mini adult with his own opinions and freedom for small things.

    * send him videos about drugs/unsafe sex/ alcohol / drunk driving .
     
  3. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    On contrary, please don't send him videos like this. I am sure he already gets this from school and all types of media.

    I don't have a teenager, but I was a teenager in the US, so I would suggest giving him responsibilities - like a part-time job, picking up groceries for the family, etc. Also allow him to hang out with friends and let him invite them home (inviting them home allows you some control of the situation).

    All those hygiene issues, they aren't a big deal. He's gonna clean up when he wants to impress girls. Personally, I would encourage this, because learning these social skills in high school is preferable to the workplace.

    Pick your battles, because lying for such small things suggests that you might be micromanaging him. Let him have his freedom. Instead of letting him waste water, tell him to shower whenever and not lie about it.
     
  4. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    I am a mom but my kids are far away from teenage though. I think to start a friendly approach rather taking up always that parenting pressure would be a better idea. It's a small thing with time he would be fine. focus on the bigger picture and that is that he doesn't lie for big things. so start working towards it.
     
  5. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    @momto2kids sharing my experience as mom of a teenager . If I were you, I will not send the videos. Teenagers have so many things going around them the better thing to do is just handover the responsibility to dad if he is available and if he has more patience than you. Honestly, I always thought I was a better parent and used to take everything related to parenting on my head and I overdid it to the extent where lying started. Actually when I involved my husband, I felt he did a better job since he doesn't keep nagging like me and when we share responsibilities you watch and learn from your partner. If dad is involved just hand over to him. One more idea is to take him to swimming once or twice a week so you know he is showered. Don't worry about hygiene now. I think it is age where they are conflicted between their freedom and control from parents. Pick your battles. If you know kid is lying then take a step back and give him some space. I'm pretty sure we all have done our share when we were teenagers. I realized how much I bothered my mom when I complained about my own kid to her. Honestly I was a rebel and I used to test my mom's patience so much. I'm glad my mom never took anything seriously. She has never complained about me to anyone during that phase. I complain way more than her even though compared to me my kids are better. I'm just saying sometimes just cooling the situation with humor helps. It may be deflected anger from other issue. I think you should stop doing the job of checking if he really bathed since I think your teenager is getting kick out of making you angry. Hope this is just a phase.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.

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