When History Repeats.....

She is a graduate with excellent language and communications skill. With her qualifications, it is not difficult to secure a good job in our country.
Even though, she may not get great package immediately, it is important that she gains some experience to settle in a permanent/good position down the line.
PS: I am in a high level position, so I can definitely help her to secure a job if she is interested. But she is reluctant, and not interested.
She believes that it is the man's duty to provide for the family.
She hesitates to work, thinking her H would stop spending anything on their family once she starts to earn.
She thinks her H may force all the family expense on her, and relaxedly enjoy his earning either alone or with his parents.
She also worries a lot about how she could manage her home, household chores, personal care etc... if she has to commit herself for a full time job.
Besides, I doubt her H has suspicion issues and he may create problems if she becomes late or travels alone etc...
This is just my assumption looking at how they behave in front of us.

Therefore, she gives reasons after reasons whenever this topic about "work" comes.

I actually advised her to look for a job for her self dependence.
It is not bad to work, earn and spend for her family at this unique situation, where her H is clearly incapable of doing his manly role.
She doesn't have to be his complete dependent and slave if she becomes the equal or primary bread-winner.
She can slowly take a position, and raise her voice when it comes to decisions with her financial independence.

 

Co-sis family can not speak about anti dowry laws and all, because dowry system is very widely practiced among them (You know, my in laws and them are related).
They proposed to give the house, and as promised gave it.
In laws didn't like it, but didn't say no to it when it was given as dowry.
In laws liked their city house, but co-sis's parents rejected it right away citing other valid reasons.
In laws must have rejected this proposal or accepted to marry her with whatever the dowry they agreed/provided.
The problem came when in laws have hopes about this city house, and play around it.

Also, in our culture the dowry house is given as a safety property to the woman upon their marriage. It is an asset that she owns, and feel proud about it.
No woman sale their dowry house just like that unless there is a valid reason.

On the other hand, BILs professional qualifications sound as though he can climb the career ladder in no time, and become super rich soon.
But in reality, he is so introvert, dependent, laid back and not at all interested in going upward.
He has always been spoon fed by his parents, to which they exploited their relatives (MIL's bros). So, BIL and all at home strongly believe it is the woman's duty to supplement for their better life.
If the woman is not in a position, then they shamelessly expect assistance from her parents.

Instead of hard working or trying for better opportunities, my in laws family look for brides who could bring a hefty dowry.
To which, they shamelessly opt for woman with negatives.. Such as divorcees, broken engagement, fat woman, older woman etc...
PILs looked this kind of woman for both the BILs, and ended up marrying a co-sis 1 (with a broken engagement) and co-sis 2 (who has fertility issue/on treatment mode/obese)
By doing this, they expect these woman and their families to shower them with gold and money as and when they require it.
They often remind their brides that they gave life to them, and it is their duty to look after them nicely.

FIL was very good looking, and well educated medical professional. But he married to MIL, who was very dark in complexion and very lean.
I heard from their relatives that FIL commented on their engagement day, that he gave life to this dark woman... therefore her brothers should take care of his financial needs as a compensation.
MIL's brothers were about to settle in UK, so they gave everything they had to FIL to get rid of MIL.
MIL's parents' died well before her marriage, and she had no one to resort whenever FIL abused her.
So, eventually she has accepted this life, and changed her mindset accordingly.
Now that she and her children believe it is right to demand for dowry, and it is the responsibility of the bride's family to fund the groom whenever he demands so.

Sadly they do not have a girl child in their family. If there is at least 1 girl, they would have tasted the bitter medicine that they force on others.

PS: They planned the same for my H too, but unexpectedly he fell for me and married me against them. Hence all the drama in my case.

 

I general, I think it is important for the bride's family to read between the lines, and check the background of the guy and his family to some extend before they say YES in an arranged set up.
If the girl is educated, then she too must use her own brain and own source such as FB, friends, detectives etc.. to find out some background info about her H and PILs.

It is different in a love marriage, because the couple are blindfoled in love. Their eyes are tinted with love, and they see only what they want to see. Their parents will have no say when children are too stubborn in their decision.

In my co-sis's case, her parents could have visited our area, and found out some hints about PIL's money mindedness somehow.
They could have gathered info about MIL's own marriage, and connected the dots when PILs demanded something similar around this time.
They could have investigated BIL's professional experiences, income etc...

I've read somewhere, that if a person can not earn 10 lakhs before his 30th birthday, then it is unlikely that he will become rich on his own in the future.
Both BIL and my H were unable to save even a single rupee on their name when they turned 30, despite of having a Phd, and standard professional jobs.
This speaks volumes about the man's personality, right????

 

I did not say it is right. I know the KFC owner became rich only after his 60s....
But this was something, I would consider if I am given a chance in such marriage matters...
Not necessarily 10L, at least some savings, some investments or some efforts towards a better life would indicate his potentials.
Living empty handed despite of having great qualifications and profession signals something wrong...JMO