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When Friends Are Not Interested In Keeping In Touch?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by generic, Jan 4, 2017.

  1. cinderella06

    cinderella06 Platinum IL'ite

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    OP if they didn't respond to you it did not mean they are avoiding you. When we are studying there is no responsibility than studying. At that age we are attracted to friends as we share same view. It give a break from studying and meet some people other than relatives.
    Now we have so many responsibilities. Friendships come secondary. Though I have seen some still maintain their friendship many lost it or not interested to have long conversation as before or have constant touch.

    Sometime when not in mood I feel not replying to my friends, to continue long conversations,same to my friends. Sometimes they reply me after some time or days. They know me and I know them.

    Today FB became a must mainly to show off . But i see some people really continue their friendship though it. But not everyone.

    Just leave it and be happy. Find new friends.be in touch with your old friends. You still feel they ignore you don't feel for it,it's their loss to lose a true friend. Do what makes you happy and enjoy life .
     
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  2. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, it has happened many a times with me n I have been hurt a lot bcos of this. Sometimes they are busy to even say a hi back but have loads of time to post pics on Facebook n reply to comments there bcos world watches them over there but no one would know if they don't reply to a friend's chat. The people who want you in their life will always reply back, if not instantly but may be in a day or week or month.

    Sometimes they r busy in chatting with someone else hearing out their problems. But after that's done they can just say a hi back.

    Some friends are short term ones who are there with us with some job or project. After that's over they find it a waste of time to reply to our chats.
    In some cases they do not want their kids or spouse to see them chatting for long so they reply to only the priority ones.
    Some consider it as interference into their lives, opinions.
    Some times people like to chat day to days things with their nearby friends whom they meet daily but not with friends whom they not going to see at all.
    Sometimes lazy to chat, sometimes feel bore to chat when there is nothing new to share.

    Technically technology should help to bridge distance, but sometimes near ones become distanced bcos they have many others to chat with.
    I just gradually close friendship with people who don't care to reply back bcos that makes us unimportant to them. It happens with relatives too.
    But happy that I have atleast a few friends with whom I can have good chat for long daily.
    One particular friend just didn't care to share about her leaving her job,country. I used to have frequent chats with her but never did she once mention about the changes happening in her life. That incident just make me wonder how indifferent friends have become. These kinds are just on top of the world when they see the number of likes increasing given by random people on social media.
    Sorry for the long reply.
     
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  3. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks all For replies...now I'm able to view from so many perspectives.
    Earlier I would feel so bad when so called close friends would ignore and sideline me..now to some extent reduced.
    I had a chat with a friend recently..she told me how a very close friends of hers from past 10 years has suddenly cut off all contacts with classmates and friends..one more co worker told me how her friend who got married , is not responding to calls and chats and messages of friends after marriage..they maybe facing some problems that they alone know and don't share with others..so looks like I'm not the only one at receiving end.
     
  4. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Been there.. So I know how it feels. I think it has to do with how much our personality attracts others. Some have the quotient high ,some less. In such times when I felt that Iam not reciprocated with the greetings/hello I have only realised that my self respect is more important than the friendship with that person. So I have just learnt to ignore them and show them that they really do not mean so much to me. Not sure if this approach is morally right, but gave me some peace within and respected myself.
     
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  5. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    These days I do not share my problems with any friends because:
    1. They are too busy to care
    2. They may be having issues of their own which are similar or bigger problems
    3. They may feel glad I have these problems ..some people do..if someone else suffers they get some kind of satisfaction that they have company.

    I have self esteem issues..the problem is that sometimes I lookout for approvals of other people to feel good. That's a mistake on my part.

    Also if one keeps sharing problems it irritates the other person as they may not have time and patience for it..I only stick to general enquiries and gossip.
    But someone not replying even for polite enquiry like hi hello how are you and which company, they are working, which place they are living etc is just too rude...
    I also feel my self respect Is affected.
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't really believe in the friendships that last forever. In fact, my mom and her best friend are friends since their elementary school. They are in their 60s, and still are good friends like sisters.
    But I never had such long term friends. Blame the fast world and our life style.
    In School, I used to have great friends. We were in touch for sometimes after School times too. But after joining in college (different colleges), each of us had different sets of friends.
    After that, we remained in touch, but no longer best friends.
    Then the college friends became the besties. It was for the 4 years we studied together. After that, slowly our priorities changed. They remained in contact with each other, but some great colleagues from the work place replaced the "best friend"'s place with time.
    Until I worked in my first work place, those colleagues were the besties. They used to know all the happenings around me, including the love-hate relationship that I had with my boy friend (now husband).
    Then slowly, that too changed with my international job. Then some great buddies from the countries I worked became my house mates, yet bestest friends then. They knew all my hiccups related to my marriage even.
    But when I left those countries, they too slowly left my heart.

    Then some cousins became my besties, as we were all married and shared more or less equal life style.
    Then some mothers of my kids became very close, since we travelled together in our kid's life.
    Then the present work place buddies and the list is endless.

    All the previous best friends are still in touch with me via social media. We could catch up at anytime as if we were just departed each other. But, of course there is a vacuum.
    Can't really share what we used to share with them then.
    That is life. Accept it, embrace it then you will be fine.

    Like your friends, I was a bestie for one of my friend years back. We used to hang around a lot before. She is unmarried and not in a demanding career either.
    But my life has changed a lot since then.
    Now that, I absolutely have no interest or matching taste with her as before. If she calls, I answer for the courtesy and wish every good things for her. But we actually do not have that spark now a days as we used to have it before.
    It is not like I take some time to talk or listen to her as I used to do it with my present friends. She understands, and probably she may feel the same too.
    Not that I am busy, but that I don't feel anything interesting or in common between us anymore. We have traveled a lot in life, that too in different paths.
     
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  7. Itshightime

    Itshightime Bronze IL'ite

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    I would say, do not depend on others for your happiness. Not even your husband or your children (Ofcourse, husbands are different. We are bonded to them for lifetime). If you keep worrying about every other person's thoughts and behavior, when will you live your life. Other than attending to your responsibilities, be yourself, read lot of books, develop your hobbies, have fun, take out some 'me-time'. People will automatically follow you. Be pleasant to everyone but don't go beyond that. Let things flow naturally. If someone is at your intellectual level and share your interest levels, he/she will automatically get attracted to you and be your bestest buddy. Do not go out of way to impress anyone.

    And about messages not getting reciprocated, it happens with everyone. There could be hundreds of reasons for that -
    1. The person might actually be busy and must have put off for another time.
    2. As you say you like to share/ask everything with your friends/relatives which other might find trivial. They must have thought your "Hi" message to be start of another such conversation. Don't give a thought. You are a very much capable and beautiful person. You can take wonderful decisions for yourself. And the people you are asking approval from.. they are not Gods. They are simple human and nothing more than that.

    Remember we all do mistakes and the person is not human if he is not doing any mistakes. So do not place anyone at higher place than yourself.
     
  8. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    @Itshightime ..u are so right about being emotionally independent..
    No expectation means no disappointment..
     
  9. Itshightime

    Itshightime Bronze IL'ite

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    Being emotionally independent... Yes, learned it all the hard way.
    You know I am a stress-eater.. I took stress abt everything that was remotely related to me or can be controlled by me......resultant I had to undergo few operations... Took toll on my health.
    From your post, I assume you are still too young. Enjoy life while you can. 'Other' people do not matter much. There is very big beautiful world out there waiting for you to explore.
    As you grow older every other day a challenge is thrown at your face.... health issues, pms, mood fluctuations, school-going kids, TEENAGED CHILDREN, husband, etc, etc, etc. Dimaag ka toh bharta ban jayegaa if we over-think.
     
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  10. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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