When Friends Are Not Interested In Keeping In Touch?

Well, I think it is a combination of 2 and 5. No one is that busy they cant even get a second to reply back. I mean, I had this really close friend I tried hard to keep in touch. She is busy with work and kids, I get it. But in current technology not getting time to even reply to my "Hi", I find it hard to believe. Personally, depending on how close they are I give them benifit of doubt and try few times to keep in touch. Later I give them the space. I think as we move to new places, it is better to make new friends around our daily life.

 

This is actually surprisingly common, although we each imagine the situation as unique to us and our 'friends' as particularly neglectful. If you are feeling adventurous, you might find this paper interesting (PDF button on the right of page). A summary can be found here and here.

An excerpt:
“People are typically poor at perceiving the directionality of their friendship ties. ...while you might give them the shirt off your back, they might reciprocate with a handshake at best."

This is the way of the world. So, you are in good company!

 

@generic
Now a days people are more interested in showing their life in social network rather than spending time with real friends chatting.
So i would say ignore them, but make sure never ignore people who really value ur true friendship.

Also there might be some with personal situations where they like to avoid and just slowly drift away but will later get back once they are solve those issues. In those kind of situations begin understanding giving them the required space is more important.

 

I don't think people do it because they hate you.They are also not doing it coz they are hyper busy.

1)they get lazy and take friends for granted

2) some are social once they meet the person but otherwise they are happy in their own world and other friends who are nearby

3) talking to friends and replying for every message is not their no 1 priority but will talk to u when they are in need.This also I won't say they are bad!

4) our expectations is another problem.dont expect but just call if u like them.u feel. Happy calling then?do it

5)only thing one should expect from a friend which I learnt is you should be comfortable around theM

 

Viki123,

As women, we have a very complex life. We are like the complex Indian curry with several layers of flavors and each layer hits a different notes. You are like that, your friends are like that. Cut everyone some slack and do not get upset by people not responding.

Actually, many others have messages that went into a black hole. But we must keep trying, not for them but for ourselves. We are social beings and won't be happy by ourselves.

I do think that people disappear for few years to figure out their life. Some, who are very comfortable in their skin and very confident, never disappear. We have to give all friends their space and not take things personally. Also, friends are a ever changing group. It is not one set group from toddler time to old age time.

I also feel that if have some friendhips within family- with sister, cousin, it is a nice thing to have. We should also try to have close family ties. Blood is thicker, rest is all facebook

 

very true and obvious ..all those points that you have mentioned and if they say they are busy thats absolutely false..one more thing that disturbs me is that when we voluntarily talk or try to keep in touch with people we know they think like we dont have any other work .is it so hard to spend few minutes to keep ourselves in touch with whom we know.

 

Viki,

Please do not feel like a doormat. I used to get upset when my emails were not replied. I one time sent a letter in 1995 to a friend- and she told me to not send any letters. I used to send new year emails. But someone I thought should reply, never replied. I got upset and wrote them off my list.

Well I won't say I was wrong. These two people are on FB but I wasn't on their priority list, and never will be. I was so eager to be their friend but they were not keen.

Now, I have done the same to other people who were nice to me. Knowingly or unknowingly I didn't pay much attention to them. We all do it, it is just that hurts more when we are on receiving end.

Please do not let yourself feel bad, ever. As long as you 1 real friend, 1 real family, you are good to go.

 

It's not about being busy.

There are some friends whom I like but it's not like I keep in touch.only birthdays I wish.I do not hate them at all.i am just confident even if I talk to them after 10 years we will be fine.its called "comfort level" and a confidence that " they will understand and won't mind"