When Dear Ones Are Not So Near

Marriage is a bond to make family and to live respectfully in the society. Husband is another person just another person looking for his own comfort and facilities. He will feel good for you only when you are able to give what he want and how he want. If he want money and you are able to give then you are nice if he want fresh food then he will look at you. He should understand his wife but do this up to his comfort level. Wives also do so up to their comfort level. If you gave so much to him then it was your decision and you expected love in return which is his decision to give or not. That is the reason why one should not leave their own life for other. Live your life as you want to without depending on other for the comfort.

 

@Deepa100 I think many married women would relate to this - especially those who have been married over a decade or so. There was the other thread of whether marriage gets better as it ages. The issues quite often are the same. It is definitely hurtful when all our sacrifices - if not sacrifices - at least well planned activities for the family is not recognised and appreciated. Over the years we tend to get taken for granted and it hurts for sure. Personally I have matured enough to understand that we cant their thinking and it only causes further heartburn trying to explain our stand. I used to do it often in the earlier years. Now as a senior citizen I try to focus on the good side of him only and try to ignore(completing ignoring is not practical) the lack of empathy.
The only way i see out of this is to practice detachment where expectations are concerned. Easier said than done, but that is the only way to be at peace.

 

In our society, everyone is forced to be married either directly or indirectly, without any psychological preparation or training to deal with that complex relationship.

Our education focusses on training us to deal with the world but not with humans with whom we establish relationship. So most marriages are ruined in the ego play and years are spent as spouses or as in-laws without ever building a rock solid foundation of a family. Any wonder, that today the institution of marriage is crumbling?

I would suggest, that there should be a compulsory certificate course to train everyone including parents as very few people learn and mature with age. ( it may be repeated once in every few years to refresh) The basic foundation of life, that is a family, is always given the last preference and importance!

Finer ingredients of all relationships like mutual respect, trust and cooperation are ignored. Exploitation and survival of the fittest seem to be the mantra of life today.

 

It is very sad that in our society expectations are only from one side. A working wife after working the same 8-9 hrs in office is expected to head straight into the kitchen as soon as she enter the house. On the other side, men have worked so hard whole day that he is expected to be served with favorite foods and needs pampering.

 

A very well expressed write up. I believe every girl must be aware of her legal rights under the constitution and empowered enough to excercise them, because,, without educational and economic empowerment, rights are nothing but text book words. Woman ,per se, tend to invest too much into relationships, unlike men for whom it's only a part of their life, but for women relationships are their whole life. Women have greater expectations of marriage. Don't you think we're putting too much of faith when we are making our husband our soul mate, confidante, life partner, provider sounding board, all rolled into one, however I'll equipped he is for the roller coaster ride. He could be a dud for all that you know. Need to realise that not all men are really qualified to be husbands, unlike women who are groomed from a very young age to be homemaker and life partners. Realistically, lesser the expectations better a relationship works.

 

No perfect solutions. One size never fits all. Different problems warrants different solutions. For that matter every family is unique so are are the issues and perspectives of finding solutions. Only thing one can recommend is educating the generation of equality of genders, that's is only way to putting an end to discrimination. Unless we bring up our daughters strong and raise them as equals we're nowhere close to finding solutions to current issues. Don't bother to raise them feminists being humanist is perfect because we don't want to tilt scale and make it discriminatory for the other gender. We stand as equals

 

Why? Why, indeed. All I can think of saying to that is 'human nature'. How else can one explain such behaviour, irrespective of whether it is from a spouse, parent, sibling or a close friend?