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Whatsapp Group

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by SGBV, Jun 22, 2016.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Recently I have been added to a newly created whatsapp group of a very unique set of friends (4 of us) - who were my former colleagues.

    We started our career in the same organization, and went to trainings/workshops in and outside of the country together. It was some 10 years back. So, none of us were married or had families. We were kind of free birds, and formed great friendship among the colleagues (several of us).
    As time passed, we ended up forming our own respective families, and moved to different places. Yet, we maintained this friendship mainly via FB and social media.
    Some of these colleagues still contact me, and think I am one of the best friend. I too treat them with high importance, as they all bring happiness and beautiful memories in my life.

    Recently, we 4 of us involved in a matter, which eventually re-united us with all the fun talks and chatting. To maintain this, we decided to form this whatsapp group.

    That's the history...

    Now, this whatsapp group is very active. We talk almost all the time. The first msg I get in the morning, and the last msg I see before I sleep at night comes from this group. The chatting lasts till mid-night sometimes. But I've learnt to leave the chat and avail myself for the family as and when needed. That's not a problem.

    The problem is....

    2 colleagues of this group are female (A and B). Married women with kids.
    The other one is a guy (C). Who is a very intimate friend to one of this female colleague (A). He too have kids.
    Earlier when I was working with them, I hardly interacted with C. He is from a different dept.
    But he is a very nice and jovial person.
    C apparently shows a lot of interest in me during our whatsapp chat. Always supports me, look for me, and praise my looks, talks, intelligence openly there.
    He even started commenting on my pics and posts in FB unlike before.
    Sure, this whatsapp group has grown all of us intimate than before. I am talking to him as a friend, and interacting almost daily via this group. So there is a kind of friendship between us.

    But his closeness for me is a problem to his intimate friend aka my other friend/colleague A in the group.
    She never showed this openly, nor talked about this privately.
    But the other female friend/colleague B - who works with A warned me to be careful as this colleague is upset for my friendship with her friend C.

    Now, this other girl B was a very matured and broad minded person always. In fact she was the most closest friend among all for me.
    But lately I am seeing B is having a weird kind of emotional relationship with a guy, who lives in abroad. That too via mobile and social media, as both of them are writers and have a lot of common interest. She is very much excited about this guy, and admits that she has fallen for him emotionally. She says she can't starts her day without his call, and miss him so much if he doesn't talk to her. She even feels guilt for doing this.
    Her husband lives with her, and he is a nice man. But they are not at all matching in any aspect of their lives.
    While discussing this, she said our friend A too have fallen for C, and having this sort of emotional relationship with him. Thus she is possessive on him. She supports A for this.

    Its been 5 years since I left that office. Although I am was always in contact with them, I think there are so much that happened without my knowledge.
    I see all of them as before, but they are different people now.

    I've actively involved in this whatsapp group and openly talk to all of them including C.
    I did that without knowing all these backgrounds. But after knowing this, I feel hesitant to be genuine there.
    I really like this group and it is so fun.
    Chatting with these friends in a very jovial manner is a huge stress buster.

    But I don't wanna lose these friends, nor need any heart breaks for this.

    I heard from B that A was really aggressive with a girl who happened to have a close friendship with C last year.
    And C too seem to be a play boy. He makes adult jokes etc... but otherwise a decent guy.

    Leaving this group abruptly won't help. They may find me in FB or mobile and I will be forced to give them a reason.
    But I really want to escape from here.
     
    sindmani, maroon and (deleted member) like this.
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  2. Itsmylife143

    Itsmylife143 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is y i hate social media it dominates our lifes!! Remove whatsapp!!! Don't login to fb for some days!! Spend more time with your family!!!
     
  3. maroon

    maroon Gold IL'ite

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    Caught you in a whatsapp dilemma @SGBV !! :wink::blush:

    I guess if you want to stay in the group, you could focus on boosting A's morale for a while. Direct C's comments for you towards A where appropriate . For intance, C praises a pic of yours. You could thank him and mention about another pic of A that you liked. If uncomfortable, you could slowly withdraw and become an occasional participant. Also since it is a newfound group it is bound to be extra active for a while and it might fade down in due course.
    Btw its weird and interesting - the kind of connections that you are relating!
     
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Exiting from the group will not solve the problem, as you said you may have to justify why you left the group.

    You can try these -

    1. Keep your interaction minimal in the group
    2. Participate in the conversation which you really like & enjoy
    3. Don't respond to C's comments (may be slowly he & A will understand you are not liking his comments)
    4. Let A open up and talk to you if she really has any problem with you
    5. Let your husband know about this group to avoid any complications in future

    IMO your friends should be matured and grow up as they all are married and has families. Liking someone and being friends with some one is different, but falling for that person and not able to start their day without a phone call from that person is clearly a sign of infatuation and attraction, which is in a way they are doing injustice to their respective spouses.
     
    sindmani and shyamala1234 like this.
  5. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Well, social media has loads of positives in my life. I am able to keep in touch with so many friends and family members from all over the world only via social media. Just because this newly found group has some petty issues, it doesn't mean I must quit from social media and lose all my connections. I don't agree with this solution. sorry.

    Believe me or not. I thought of you when I first had this confusion and problem in my mind. Whatsapp has never been a problem till recently. My membership with so many groups including family and friends were always fun, beneficial. But this one is tricky.
    As you said, I too think this new group will go silent in the coming days once this excitement is over.

    Oh.. My husband knows about this group very well. He knows all these friends personally too. Although he doesn't like to see me with a blinking mobile while in bed, he is OK with this. I even share almost everything including this particular problem with my Husband.
    He said I should exit before my friend A kicks me out. He doesn't like both of my friends A and B after knowing their affairs (Emotional EMA kind of) with other men. Of course I have shared this doubt with him first, and updated him later.
    He doesn't know much about C, as I too have limited info about him.
    So, he asks me to leave this group before being branded as one bad set of people together with them. I feel it is childish fear. But I get him when he worries about me with them.
     
  6. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Why can't you minimalise your conversations citing reasons like Busy with office/family?

    It is obvious that the initial excitement of this new group is going to fade in some time. Only thing is don't ever get involved in the life of A,B or C. You don't deserve to suffer because of people's emotional connections with others. Its their life,let me decide for their own.
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    You are right. This is exactly I am planning to do.
    In fact I really liked this group and it was so much fun. A great time pass, and what not.
    But the last bit of info from my friend B shattered everything. It even helped me to re-visit those messages, and gave me some clarity which I missed due to the excitements before.

    Now I really want to stay away.
     
    sindmani and Itsmylife143 like this.
  8. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    @SGBV, my points might not help you much...but just putting my thoughts.... Minimize your chats with C's comments and jokes.....

    You clearly said that, A,B,C all have some kind of emotional relationship with others..... From your message, I understand that, the way C talks to you is not correct..... there is nothing wrong in not talking to him..... He will slowly understand that you are creating a gap, and stop his acts.....

    Unless and until A tells that, she has a problem with you, she is a good friend of you.... so you can talk to her and continue your chats..... she has not really expressed that she has issues with the way C talks to you.... When you start move away from C, A will automatically understand....

    Similarly B is your best friend, continue your chat with her too... and try to advice her on the emotional relationship and make her realize what she is doing is wrong...
     
    sindmani, SGBV and Itsmylife143 like this.
  9. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks.. I agree with almost everything you said here.
     
  10. crazywriter

    crazywriter Platinum IL'ite

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    Could it be a case of Chinese whispers? What you know about A and C (and A's and B's emotional affairs as they call it) through B. How do you know if A is genuinely upset with C's interaction with you? Do you think a frank talk with A will help ease your mind? I would say you give it a try. I am not saying that B is not trustworthy or any such thing, I am only saying that B may not know what exactly is on A's mind. That is something only A can tell you.
     

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