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What's Wrong With Me! Please Guide!!

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by nayidulhan, May 20, 2019.

  1. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Senior IL'ite

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    3) My mother has knee problems and needs support to walk. My father had 2 back to back surgeries last year. So both of them are physically incapable of taking care of anyone else. (During both the surgeries, being the daughter, I was responsible for the post-operative care.)

    After marriage, my brother had asked his wife to join in the family business but she flatly refused saying she has no interest. On one occasion, when my brother's MIL talked to one of my relatives about my grandparent's wealth and how all that will be inherited by her daughter (my SIL) one day, the relative openly confronted the mother-daughter duo in the presence of my entire family. That was when my grandparent was independent, mobile and self-sufficient. My SIL fought with my cousins, uncles and aunts and announced that only she and she herself will take care of the grandparent till the end and so she has the right to expect to inherit all the wealth.

    Eventually, my grandparent fell sick and needs assistance now. As soon as this situation arose, I am being continuously summoned to help. She has no face to ask any other relatives now. The number of vacations taken have increased drastically so also day breaks. Suddenly, she's required somewhere where she cannot refuse to go and so I have to take charge. I realize that for most of the time, I have taken the responsibility. And to add insult to the injury, she will give long lectures to whoever will listen on how an old person is such a huge responsibility.

    And I don't know what exactly has come over my brother that he has to go away from home so often and that too for long duration of time.
     
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  2. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Senior IL'ite

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  3. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Did u go is my question here ?
    If yes : when u decided to go were u in between something else which you left and went? Like your cooking . Or looking after kid etc. Something like that.
    If no : why didn't u go?
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2019
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  4. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    I think you need to say yes only when you want to do something, not because of external compulsion. You have a good mind and people seem to be taking advantage.

    When the perception is that your grandparent is cared for by your brother and sil but you are involved in his care regularly it can be annoying. But your parents and your brother acknowledge your help and they depend on it. Doesn't matter what your sil declared or others think.

    Do whatever you do for yourself, your peace of mind, if it helps. Excuse yourself when you really can't.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  5. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    This! Always remember this OP! There are DILs who hate the fact their husband's sister exists on the planet.
     
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    You are a stay at home mom, OP..that's one reason everyone assumes that you are free and available and pretty much jobless...I suggest you to take up some job..that will not only keep you occupied and reduce negative thoughts from flowing through your mind that you're being used and taken for granted etc..also if any responsibility is forced on you, you always have a chance to say no using your work commitments and family commits,not towards hubby and kid as a reason...
    No point in helping out with resentment in your mind...anytime you get a call seeking. Your help you may or may not oblige depending on your state of mind and work situation...of course nothing wrong in helping out your family now and then..after all they have given you lot of affection and treated you well but you can draw a line depending on your comfort levels...if you say yes or say no, say it clearly according to your wish and stick to it...
     
  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yeah , some people are overburdened at inlaws place and neglect at parents place . What one needs to do is find a balance by having frank discussions and planning of responsibilities equally and fairly .
     

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