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whats with "you are fit for nothing" expression on my friends husbands ....

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by heron, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Its about the attitude of my friends husbands.To start with I dont give a damn what they think about me :coffeeBUT why is the point.

    I will give every possible detail here,I wont judge but only give the details provided by my friends themselves or the things I saw on my own.

    About us: We are married for 7 yrs. Like every other family we have ups and downs but we try to love and respect each other.1 son, I came with him when he was 3months and now he is almost 6yrs. I am happy that I took care of him all by myself and I had a blast staying fulltime with him for his first 2 yrs until he went to pre school. We disciplned him for his own good and thus could go on trips which were 9hrs while he happily sat in his car seat. My husband is overall a good man with some anger issues but no ones perfect.....
    I completed my Masters while my kiddo joined school and finished it recently so ready to join an internship.
    We have 2 families as friends:
    First: She is an engineerer married to a doc. She loves her husband very much and is a good wife. She ones said before me and my husband that she always wanted to work ,love a guy and get married but her fantasy is broken now. She said her husabnd always said"I know you ,you will never be able to handle work and home" he said it for 5 yrs and now she beleives its true. He asks to her daughter"Do you wanna becaome a useless engineer like mom or useful doc like dad". Once She said she was going fat and I asked her to go to gym in her complex after 10 days I said" I am sure you are feeling good?" said said"yes!" after 15 days she said she stopped going to gym as her husband said" You are looking ugly now because you lost weight". She like to disciple her daughter but the dad dosent.
    Second:She is also an engineer worked in a big IT company. Her ustmost love before marriage was two things:parents,job. After marriage she left both and unfortunately she didnt get enuf love from husband(thats what she said to me) so even now its again parents and job.She says she wants to take care of her husband but he isnt worth. She says his ego and letting her down everytime pisses her.


    The husbands know that I try take care of my house very well and my kid and my husband and they know Iam far independant than thier wives. I drive my friends out sometimes because they tell me they are bored at home and when we come back and then them we went out....they say"oh good" but I can see they meant " you....useless woman". They seem to pray for my non existance in their wives lives. I always accept that Iam not the best cook ,dosent mean I dont but means that dont know a lot of varieties. They cook a strom!!!!I love the taste too:). But then when they come to our house I cook whatever I cook tasty but simple and then I get that same expression.


    Why cant some men accept a woman who has some genuine ambitions?:rant
     
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  2. kishoremommy

    kishoremommy Platinum IL'ite

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    Heron,this is India.We are living in a male dominated society.

    I am happy to hear that you manage both your job and home.Your husband is co-operative too.But,that's not the case in everyone's life.

    Don't mistake me.I have seen a few ladies,who do very well in their job but failed in home.Either they don't know the art of balancing or they set their priority as job .

    Generally,males attitude is like this---No matter how talented their wives may be,they should be one step behind them.

    Even what is our mind set?When we are finding a suitable bride groom ,what are the expectations?

    1.He should be taller than the girl.

    2.He should earn more than the girl.

    3.He should have a higher educational qualification,higher post,higher society status,higher higher......

    If a male have all these qualifications ,parents of the girl would be very happy and proud.If not higher,at least equal status in all aspects.Then,how could we expect them to treat us as our equals?

    Leave your friend's life in their hands itself.Petty problems are there in every house.Some times,it is possible that they are happy with their lives.Even though,husbands don't recognize wife's talents,deep in their heart they know their capacity.They won't agree openly.

    From your side,you can teach your son so that he grows to be a role model man in the society.

    Be happy.
     
  3. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey Kishoremommy, howz Kishore doing?:). Well, thanks for the reply and what you said is true. I already left my friends family issues (I never inerefered or advised them) but sometimes I feel Iam going too far ( planning get toghters at home and driving them out, taking them to malls when there is sale) but they ask for it! and I am loosing my dignity. But they say they are so happy with me but tell their husbands that I wanted them out....I dont know if I am being fooled here. But they helped me a lot when I needed them and they talk to me very well.
     
  4. kishoremommy

    kishoremommy Platinum IL'ite

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    Maintain the friend ship .Meanwhile,reduce the frequency of outings.Complaining wives are everywhere.I think they are contented with their lives and are simply venting out their petty problems to you.You need not worry yourself and spend your precious time in brooding over this.

    Besides,you have more things in hand to manage.All the best.
     
  5. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    As long as you are having a good time with your firends, you neednt really care what their husbands feel about your outings. If they have any issues with their wives outings, they will talk to their wives. Once you drop them at their house, excuse yourself as quickly as possible. That way you dont need to bother about their opinions about your outings.

    You have a lot on your plate to manage. Dont bother about such petty things. Enjoy your outings.
     
  6. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Why bother what your friends husbands think of you ?
    Your engineer friend has made sure that her degree is gathering dust , she can still utilise her education by taking tutions for science subjects or join tutorial classes as lecturer. She is lacking confidence and proving her hubby right!
    Maybe the hubbies feel that all are wasting time and money instead of being constructive.
    Stop driving your friends around, take turns so that your friends dont make you a scapegoat for their outings and escape blame.
     

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