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What's with Indian men?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by godsgp, Dec 6, 2011.

  1. godsgp

    godsgp Bronze IL'ite

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    We all have been here,reading,posting ,thinking.
    So many of us can relate to each other in context of the problems faced in our marital lives.
    We discuss so much ,trying to sort out such things,working towards fulfillment,making adjustments .
    More or less there are similarities in the natures and difference in intensities of these problems.

    No matter who we are ,housewives,professionals, entrepreneurs our world revolves round our husbands .
    What I am really curious about is what do men in general think and expect from a marriage.
    Or better put it as,When a traditionally brought up Indian man get's married what does he really expect from his marriage and how much does he want to put in ?
    What kind of evolution occurs on the male side of the knot?(We evolve and learn,we all know that:p)
    Pour your thoughts in!
     
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  2. haagesummane

    haagesummane Gold IL'ite

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    Godsgp ji,

    It again depends on individual thinking, the way they are bought up,implicit moral teachings by parents and relatives and also on friend's circle that a guy maintains.Some money minded will always harrass their wife for dowry and think marriage as a lottery.
    Ours being male dominated society, it is the parents who insist their daughter to behave and adjust well with husband and inlaws.
    Believe me, i hav witnessed few incidents in my neighbourhood related to the monster husband torturing innocent wife.Before they do such heinous act, they forget that their wife has left her family to be a part of husband's family.
    I was atleast fortunate enough to witness the incident where a hubby used to treat her wife like a new born child, taking utmost care of her. The radiant glow on her face was a big proof of their happy married life.The most important thing that occured in this marriage was that he rejected the dowry and went against the horoscope which was not matching. He took a risk because he was deeply in love with her when he came across her during the bride search.
    When we men start thinking by stepping into the shoes of women, Most of the(if not all) problems would not exist on this planet.
    I remember one beautiful line here. "A Man who treats his wife like a princess is a proof enough that he was born to a queen".
     
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  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Evolution of men post marriage:
    ========================

    1) Take over control of parents, wife and kids and termed as - MCP
    2) Give their and parent's reign to wife - Joru ka Gulaam
    3) Moves into his inlaws property and business - Ghar Jamai
    4) Lets his parents run over his wife and her parents - Momma's boy
    5) Chooses to get married to his workplace - workoholic
    6) helps wife.. keeps parents at distance... helps in raising kids - Very balanced.. Most adored perfect husband.
    7) Unable to handle stress and heads upto himalayas / ending life - Looser.. Poor soul.
    8) Biwi at home.. romance outside - Tharki
    9) Sweet talks to all warring parties but a big time politician/liar to those involved- Opportunist.
    etc etc

    Evolution of each married men into a set / subset of characters mentioned above depends on an individual and his upbringing, his values/ desires and outcome of reactions from a lot of accessory relationships that get tagged along during a marriage.
     
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  4. shruthisp

    shruthisp Gold IL'ite

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    :bowdown

    Upbringing does all.. A mother who has taught his son to see and treat woman as a equal human being will always be a good husband.
    Woman with double standards,insecurities,greed infuse the same traits in her son who can never be a husband/human.
     
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  5. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]The answer lies only in the way the man is brought up. A man who has seen his father treat his mother with dignity and respect will most likely treat his own wife well. On the other hand, a man who has seen his father philandering and his mother quietly tolerating his father's antics will probably behave in the same way. In the 21st century, with all the various networking tools at our disposal and our hectic lifestyle, only those who have seen a successful marriage (of their parents) will be able to lead one themselves. Tough luck for the rest - From a 24 Year Old Boy.[/JUSTIFY]
     
  6. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Shruti
    Absolutely mind blowing....all said in a line.
    Mega
     
  7. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    i guess women are improving with their education,career,broad thinking and men still sit and think that they are superior to women-this ridiculous thinking has to change and society has just started to witness this.
     
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  8. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    The same thing that women think and expect from marriage - "a happily ever after", a companion to love and cherish the rest of their lives!

    Men and women seem to want the same things from marriage - atleast me and my partner do, so I cant talk for the entire men community. Each individual is different. So the probability of getting the right answer to the question is like 0.01%

    Some of us get married to the person whom we are very compatible with. In such cases, the degree of adjusting to the partner's needs is minimal. While in other cases, the degree varies. If you are successful in making the right set of adjustments to co-exist under the same roof for many years to come - Bingo!! You have a successful marriage. Else, it results in a divorce, or unhappy marriage!

    So generalizing the entire Indian men community into one large pool will not bring about any results. Our needs are specific and our feelings/emotions are unique! So understanding the entire male gender's evolution or requirements from marriage may/may not help me understand how my partner will evolve after marriage or his needs.

    The evolution that should occur on an INDIVIDUAL's side to make a 'successful' marriage is - love your partner with his/her flaws and understand that the family has expanded now and share responsibilities with your partner!
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    I dnt think they think as much as we do about it. The cultural expectation on them is less, the media, culture all gives the expectation that the man is king and can do what he likes when he likes without fear of consequence. This is encouraged by his parents too. so when they marry they are just doing what they want when they want with the active encouragement of family members.

    Most important I think when they marry they don't have some fairytale expectation of prince charming or a bollywood hero unlike us women for whom that fairytale is very real. I think a lot of women have that, see even the diary of that unfortunate girl asti -- her words before the marriage could have come straight from some sooraj barjatya movie, or out of some family oriented movie like hum aap ke hain kaun or some serial. These influences are very insidious and very bad. It is impt to get aware of it.
     
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  10. shruthisp

    shruthisp Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for liking my post Megalife...
     

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