What Would You Do

Hi

I have a slightly different perspective. I do not see anything specifically wrong with your friend I feel that you may slightly be over reacting.

Some people are just by nature like that, big decisions like house buying, pregnancy, job search/job change etc., they only let others know when they know for sure it is going to happen. There might be any reason, but it is totally their choice on whether they choose to share such information with you or not. Unless she directly took your help or deliberately misrepresented something to you in relation to buying the house, I wouldn't give it too much thought. For example, by SIL and her husband are very private people, even to us (me and my husband - her brother), they only told us of their pregnancy well after the 3 month mark, where as me, as soon as I saw the positive line, pretty much everyone I knew knew. That's just our personalities. No one owes you any information about what is going on in their lives, especially on matters like this!

As for the house warming invite, I would definitely go. Someone I consider a friend has bought a house, it is a happy occasion and they want me to be part of that celebration. So I would go.

 

I totally understand why you feel hurt and you have every right to be mad. What is unfortunate in this is you might have taken this friendship more seriously than her. This lady ignores you in parties, calls you a cake lady, not cool at all no matter the situation. From this it is clear that she did not consider you to be a close friend or even a well wisher to tell you a happy thing that has happened in her life.

Be the bigger person congratulate her and attend the function as if nothing happened.

Remember it is okay...it is okay not to receive the same love that you give others. From now on guard yourself emotionally from this person. Talk to your husband about this and share your feelings of being ignored. Move on, its good that she is moving away, she doesn't deserve your friendship.

 

Sometimes the level of emotional investment into relationships differ individual to individual. You give your 100% while she does not.

That said i agree with @peartree that many do not share these things, while anything they are upset you will be the first to know being her next door neighbour accessinilty to a shoulder to cry on and a coffee.you are her 24x7 available neighbour and calling you cake lady sends a message to her other friends, a message.. which can be interpreted..i am helping to promote your baking skills or she is just cake lady.. now it depends on rhe receiver to interpret. You just smile and leave it if know that is how she is, just use while you can fume for long i baked because she is my friend and sje insulted me.

There is a wierd concept of nazar lag jayegi/kannu/ or jinxing it or it makes others feel so jealous of the news that something bad happens.

I will feel bad. I would have been fine if i was told see we are in the process of looking looking for a house thus looking at schools and everything. Will keep you informed if anything clicks would have sufficed.

Now coming to einvite, you have a choice. Refusing to go stating inability..the wonderful excuse of chums so much comes in ..i can't attend the pooja( that your friend knows you had one just this week is another matter). Or go, give her the gift and congratulate and tell her with a smile, you are one smart one, all along you enquired about school and things without giving me a clue. I would have involved a little more if i knew it was for your kiddo. I hope you get good neighbors just like you had here (tongue in cheek)

 

Considering she's gona live in the same community, hubby's friend's wife, share common friends - u must go to the party as ur other friends will b der. Make sure to jus say hi n bye to her n spend all d time with ur friends. Don't help her with anythng. Point being, don isolate urself from ur other friend's bcoz this one is not apt for u.

For ur mental peace, u can ask her y she din Tel u n hear her side.

Some ppl r not great at sharing things. But this is still weird since she lives rite nex to u n sees U n still sends a e-vite. Leaving dis instance aside, the other instances of her ignoring u at social gatherings, not inviting u for getogethers, callin u a cake lady n all points to a very weak relationship / friendship. It feels like she has not considered u as a close friend like u have n must b using u bcoz u live near by. U Don't have to do any favours for acquaintances, dats for friends. Since she's a part of a common circle, u wud stil hav to c her. So jus keep ur cool n focus on others.

 

Dear OP,
I understand your feeling . Similar situation happened to me a couple of weeks back. My friend had invited a few people for an important occasion that we had been waiting for many years .We had talked about this occasion many many times over the last few years .I was the informed the next day about this occasion after everything was over. I just couldn't believe my ears . I was feeling really hurt for a couple of days and confronted her.Although she gave me a lot of explanations,I couldn't see any valid ones that would call for not inviting me . The funny part is , my best friend did not even feel that she made a mistake .
This is How I dealt with it . I did everything I would have done for the next party just like usual ,helped her out any way i can , at the same time maintained the distance with her.
These kind of things should stem from their hearts ,the fact that your friend didn't tell you shows she did not feel the same way about you in hers.
You don't need to change yourself, just remember this and stay a bit distant ,so you don't get hurt again.
I would still attend the housewarming and act all cool .

 

@peartree
Aa you said some people maintain very low profile and we think OP's friend is that kind of person. Still she should inform Op before or after sending Evite invitation and why she didn't tell her. I feel that is courtesy, they are neighbors and knowing each other very well.
@Deepa100
I guess she is just using you and took you as granted. Ignoring you in front of other friends and calling you as a cake lady are showing that she is not thinking you as her friend.