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What Would You Do

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Deepa100, Apr 25, 2017.

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Apr 26, 2017 #11

Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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Deepa100 said: ↑

Thanks for the response Sunshine,

Yes, it's right what you said about her not being a gud friend but she has become like the necessary evil.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean by necessary evil.
Why is she necessary in ur life??

Sunshine04, Apr 26, 2017

Sunshine04, Apr 26, 2017

#11
Apr 26, 2017 #12

DDream Finest Post Winner

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Deepa100 said: ↑

Thanks Dream for your response!

Agree with what you say totally.. wonder why people
Do such things.
Like I said evite or WhatsApp is totally fine with me
As long as such big news is conveyed personally initially And not like the way it hurts others sentiments, isn't it..
Click to expand...

Like others said, you think she is your friend, but she is not feeling that way, may be considering you as an acquaintance. You need to accept that to move on.. If she is your friend she will always consider your feelings....If you are comfortable with her (also due to your dh;s friendship with her h) keep the relation to some extent ..but not as a friend..

Last edited: Apr 26, 2017

DDream, Apr 26, 2017

DDream, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #13

Deepa100 Gold IL'ite

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Sunshine04 said: ↑

I know what you mean by necessary evil.
Why is she necessary in ur life??
Click to expand...

Necessary because she is my husband's friend's wife

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #14

Deepa100 Gold IL'ite

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True ..

DDream said: ↑

Like others said, you think she is your friend, but she is not feeling that way, may be considering you as an acquaintance. You need to accept that to move on..

Click to expand...

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #15

Deepa100 Gold IL'ite

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Thanks for your response Priya!

Rightly said... I try not to get emotionally attached to people I meet usually but since this lady n I were going great for the last two years, I thought I had a friend in her!! How wrong I was...

Reading people is truly an art and I suck at it big time

But yes, like you said, life will definitely teach me to identify the difference between friends and acquaintances. Some more heartaches to happen I guess till then..

Priya16 said: ↑

a lot of times, we feel people are our friends but they are really an acquaintance.
it took me a long to time to explain my husband difference between friends and neighbor or just a person you meet often but they are not your friends.
Once you can identify the difference then things won't hurt you anymore.
But anyway, definitely you should go and maintain a small footprint and don't feel she is your friend.
If she asks for help more than you can effort, say no...
Click to expand...

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #16

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Wow!! I would be pretty mad and I totally understand your situation. Unfortunately we think people are our friends but there are merely acquaintances who show their true colors during circumstances.

If I was in your place I would not go..I would RSVP and then make an excuse of not feeling well. Just one of the lessons life teaches us....

shri0218, Apr 26, 2017

shri0218, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #17

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Deepa100 said: ↑

Necessary because she is my husband's friend's wife
Click to expand...

ur husband can be friends with him.
you dont need to loose ur peace of mind

Sunshine04, Apr 26, 2017

Sunshine04, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #18

satyasrinivas80 Silver IL'ite

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Deepa100 said: ↑

Dear friends,

There is this friend of mine who is also living in the same apartment building as me. Our husbands used to work together before and are still good friends.

This lady and me used to meet very frequently and used to reach out for help to each other too when required. Basically we got along well.
Just because you used to meet frequently doesn't mean you both are friends, at least, she didn't consider you as a friend in my opinion.
Now, this couple got a house. She did not even inform me about her purchase even when she came home a week back. Instead she enquired about the schools, cost of education in USA etc.
She didn't want to inform you that's why she didn't. Period! A friend would make an effort to share the most happiest/ saddening events in his/her life.

All of a sudden, yesterday she sends out an evite about housewarming party.
I wonder if the invite was sent to your husband's e-mail or to yours. In either case she would have shared about the big purchase and about the house warming party.

No follow-up calls to even courteously mention about the big event. She is a working woman with lot of years experience and has been in USA since many years if that matters with knowledge on etiquette n courtesies.
Some people don't learn etiquette no matter for how long they live or work in the US.

Now, let me mention here that her husband ran into my husband by chance just before couple of days and he told about the purchase and told my husband not to tell any other mutual friends since he wanted to tell it on his own. Fair enough.

My hubby asked me if my friend had told anything about their new house and thats how I learnt from him and I felt very bad because my friend had not told me directly. See, it's different if I had not known her and only if the husbands had been friends.

We both know each other pretty well so much that when her husband was travelling for a while she has taken my help in taking care of her child during her working hours as she works from home.

I know some of you might say, she would have expected my husband to tell me after hearing from her hubby but mind you we are next door neighbours.

She might have expected this but based on your post I think it's pretty obvious to expect to inform you. I have a friend like yours that didn't tell me when she was expecting a boy for the second time but she texted all the other friends about the news. Including the gora people and one of these gora friends broke the news and was surprised that how come I didn't know the news.

Is it not basic courtesy and etiquette to at least inform about the purchase while you come to seek information? I am her friend much more than her husbands right!?
Yes, it's basic courtesy that some people lack.

I really don't want to goto this event because I am hurt she chose not to tell me after giving the impression she is a good friend. I feel used somewhat.
Yes, she used you and don't let it happen again in your life. She came to your life to teach you this lesson.

Another problem with her is, she has a big group of friends(all hubby's friends families) and when in a group she tends to ignore me and be friendly with the other ladies and for the record, these ladies meet every weekend. I bake cakes and decorate them well too. In parties she declares loudly , hey cake lady we need u to cut the cake, otherwise she does not even look at me. It feels like she is shaming me but I ignored tht too.
Other times she is very pleasant.

Change your focus in the future. Don't let her spoil your peace of mind. When you are in a setting like this, you start talking with other people. Just say Hi to this lady and continue with your business.

If you were in my place, would you respect this invite and goto the event? I am mighty hurt and angry too.
Click to expand...

I would go to the party and use this as an opportunity to talk with more people while maintaining minimal contact with the host. I wouldn't utter a single word about the house or interior or anything. You get the point.

satyasrinivas80, Apr 26, 2017

satyasrinivas80, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #19

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satyasrinivas80 said: ↑

I would go to the party and use this as an opportunity to talk with more people while maintaining minimal contact with the host. I wouldn't utter a single word about the house or interior or anything. You get the point.
Click to expand...

Yes Satya

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

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Apr 26, 2017 #20

Deepa100 Gold IL'ite

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DDream, the pictorial answered the very question I had in my mind. About who is to be considered a friend and who an acquaintance.

DDream said: ↑

Like others said, you think she is your friend, but she is not feeling that way, may be considering you as an acquaintance. You need to accept that to move on.. If she is your friend she will always consider your feelings....If you are comfortable with her (also due to your dh;s friendship with her h) keep the relation to some extent ..but not as a friend..

Click to expand...

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

Deepa100, Apr 26, 2017

#20

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