What To Reply - When Relatives Ask Repeatedly

They ask just what else to ask u or maybe out of love ..
My cousin ask me too but I just tell them hey I just visited few months back ..

 

Don’t worry too much what others think of what you do or say. Life is too precious for that.
Good if you are the hot topic, think of it as bringing some fun into their boring lives . Ask them to pay for your airfare to India if they insist too much.

 

1) calling from abroad - Happens for me too. Whenever i call, they start u forgot us and not calling..but they never call us. so i stopped calling all cousins relatives etc
2)coming back / visiting back - Just say not possible
3) visa status - This happens and they dont even know anything abt US also ask abt GC and give 1000 suggestions how to get GC

4) is it really must to attend a cousin's wedding? Though the contact between that cousin is only wishing bday/ festival? - Plain No
Dont call anyone.. Half problem solved...

 

1. Old Habits. I don't think they mean to do this, but previously, we called using calling cards and it was "cheaper" to call from abroad. I don't know how accurate that is, but I think it was less of a financial burden for people abroad.
2. I grew up with people asking me when we will return... I give a generic "next year, but we haven't started planning". It keeps people happy to have that answer, EVEN when we have no plans to visit for the next 2 years.
3. Luckily, I never had to face this.
4. You only have to attend the events that you want to attend. I have a lot of 1st cousins, so I was not able to attend all of their weddings. I attended only the ones that made sense. There are certain cousins who I am close to, and I would rearrange my schedule to attend them. Generally, people understand, even if they put on a big show of how we aren't attending their events.

 

1) why people back home think only person in abroad should make phone calls? Be it WhatsApp,fb too
Probably because of time difference and don't know what time you will be available. I am the one who always call but a few occasions when my family or friends have called me is usually when either i am in middle of something or very late at night. So, I rather prefer to call them instead of the other way around.

2) what to respond when ask when are coming back / visiting back? Though I recently traveled to India for vacation not even 4 months back.

Ha! That's a never ending question. Especially people who I don't interact often. I think it's a standard question to ask anyone who lives away from home. If I have plans, I tell them that planning to come....If I don't, I'd just say, don't know, will see, whenever time permits etc.

3) extended family asking about your visa status, salary status and money matters
I ignore those questions. I have told a few that I am not comfortable talking about my salary. These questions usually come up during my visits not on phone because I don't call people I am not close to. One of my standard answer is- (in terms of salary and savings)- It's enough for us to live comfortably. With my immediate family, I talk about salary and savings in fact I have helped my sister come up with a financial plan to save for my nephews' college so they will not feel a pinch when he starts college in a few years and I support education of my nephew and niece (siblings).

4) is it really must to attend a cousin's wedding? Though the contact between that cousin is only wishing bday/
festival?

I have not attended any cousins' wedding after moving to USA. Most of the time I get an invitation, I call them and apologize for not able to make it and then call after wedding to wish the couple. I always send money to my parents to buy a present/ cash on my behalf.

I know people think that if you live in a foreign country you must be rich otherwise why would you stay away from home. Some times humor helps--as in I joke about being a poor scientist. I make good money but I don't have to show off.

The most annoying question for me is- why don't you move back to India, you will have great opportunities here too? I have learned to smile and say- I love my work and not planning to move back.

 

1) why people back home think only person in abroad should make phone calls? Be it WhatsApp,fb too

I don't know about your family, but my ex's family were very poor. Also, back in the day, international calls were STUPIDLY expensive, hard to arrange because few people in India had phones (so my MIL/FIL and his siblings had to go to a friend's house where there was a phone and the time difference was also a problem). Even a poor starving student here was more likely to be able to afford $60 to $100 for a 10 minute phone call than the family back home.

Things are different now but it is still relatively more expensive for the folks in India to use the phone. Not everyone has access to cell phones, computers, and Skype and all its ilk. Even those who do still have this attitude, formed in times when things were much worse.

2) what to respond when ask when are coming back / visiting back? Though I recently travelled to India for vacation not even 4 months back.

I like the other poster's suggestion of telling them "Next year, we think, but we don't have firm plans yet"

3) extended family asking about your visa status, salary status and money matters

Visa status I can understand to a certain extent. Money matters? Honestly I'd just tell them that is none of their business. If they get huffy about it and start giving you the cold-shoulder, great! That just means they'll bug you a lot less!

4) is it really must to attend a cousin's wedding? Though the contact between that cousin is only wishing bday/ festival?

No, obviously not. As for the "you came for x cousins wedding now you have to come for ALL cousin's weddings" - I'd just say that you had planned that trip well in advance and it just happened that it coincided or could be made to coincide with that wedding. And your next trip is going to be at least a year away.

I remember how hard it was to arrange phone calls, and how expensive international mail was. I remember those thin thin blue "international" mail forms that were basically self-envelopes, and how carefully and small we had to write on them and how you had to fold them up and seal them just right, then wait 2 weeks or more for them to get there, then another 2 weeks or more to hear back, then actually making the call which had to go through an international operator and how bad the quality was. Also how badly they wanted us to bring a bottle of Johnny Walker - which they intended to sell, not drink. For some reason it was super popular in India back in the stone age. My ex used to long for gongura pickle and avakai - now I see those in the grocery all the time. His mother used to make pickles and so carefully wrap them, try to find plastic to wrap so they wouldn't leak all over everything else in the suitcase.

OOPS! Sorry. Waxing nostalgic. It was a different era, and though things are easier, they're still not actually easy. And the idea that American streets are paved with gold is not exactly limited to the Indian subcontinent, LOL!

I know its annoying, but try to bear with it. Hopefully eventually people will get used to the idea of your being abroad and ease up on the unrealistic expectations.

 

My cousin they are looking for a suitable match even before it is fixed they had told me u have to come for the marriage I told them I will come but try to arrange it the time I visit so it will be two things at a visit..u can say this too it's too much travel ,kids school n just for few days it becomes to hard ..or just laugh n ignore ..I can't do this but ppl always say ignore is best thing to do

.my bro got married wen I came to India it was not planned but it happened it was an arrange marriage so basically no one can point out or say that I just come for my family....I can speak when it's my parent side if inlaws side I can't speak don't know wat happens to me..