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What To Expect?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by blindpup10, Dec 15, 2016.

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  1. Dec 15, 2016 #1
    blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Another post regarding my DH-
    My DH's best friend and family are inviting themselves to our home for Christmas eve-

    My DH has had a gang of friends from his MS days and everyone are married have kids- My DH was the last guy to get married among them. DH has a long term best friend A ( who is 1 year junior) who followed my DH to the US and my DH helped him quite a bit through MS yada~yada~~

    During our dating phase- my DH didnt tell A ( for god knows what reason) that we are dating and will get married soon.
    We, of course, got married in India- After marriage A sent a text to my DH saying "you ran to India to get married". This has offended my DH for the longest time. That's when I think DH and A's friendship started to go downhill.

    I have never met A or any of my DH's MS friends-- I have heard quite a lot about them.

    On FB this guy A comes across as attacking my DH for no reason- his comments are sly, cunning, demeaning and putting my DH down.

    I noticed this more than once and told my DH that my DH should stand up for himself as this guy is a clear bully. For whatever reason, my DH didn't and I was like not my friend not affecting me or my life I blocked this friend on FB so I don't even see this guy's comments anymore.

    After awhile my DH also restricted him and his wife so they dont see any of our posts.

    The ISSUE---
    Out of the blue A's wife- texted my DH and wanted our house address so they can send Christmas gift. After a bit of conversation A's wife revealed that their family are coming to the place where we live for whatever reason and wanted to send a Christmas gift fo our DS.

    Now-- we have to entertain his family- Or they are forcing our hands into entraining them. I have no issues in inviting them home or hanging out with them.

    I am a bit unsure where things will take a turn and how I should handle the situation... If anything goes sour. I am expecting it to go sour coz A's past behavior- he doesn't acknowledge that I exist ( because he didnt know my DH & I were dating), (Yes I am petite look younger than my age) I have been made fun off by him coz I am petite. Making fun is their way of laughing/ joking or living. This for me is a big NO NO. I had to practically shake my DH out of this behavior. My DH doesn't do this anymore with me.

    The other thing to add on is---I am the odd man out among the A, A's wife & DH- they all speak Tamil, they are culturally in tuned and the other major thing is my DH gives in easily in the name of "old friend" DH won't stand up for me or himself.My DH is "let me stop talking rather than standing up"- kinda guy. I know this. I am not expecting my DH to change over the weekend for my sake.

    I have told my DH if the atmosphere gets nasty and A starts to talk nasty/ makes fun I am going to walk out-- All my DH can say is "enjoy yourself, dont head to him"

    Please suggest how I should handle the situation if at all the situation gets a bit offending or a bit ugly to my taste.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 15, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 15, 2016
    #1
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  2. Dec 16, 2016 #2
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    With a Christmas gift to your child being their ticket? :p

    Nip it in the bud. Keep things hazy till they actually land. Vaguely say 'you have plans' or 'going to see the snow' or 'have to shovel the snow'. Then, meet somewhere outside. Even if plans have already been made, deftly cancel those and meet outside.
     
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
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  3. Dec 16, 2016 #3
    Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    What do you think their motivation is? Any clues?

    If they're just looking to freeload while on a trip and you got selected because you happen to live conveniently in the area, I'd try the old "prior engagements" fob-off.

    If it looks like they're genuinely trying to re-connect, give them a chance. You never know. They may have seen the error of their ways.

    Once they arrive, if they piss you off, set the cat and dog loose. :imp:

    .​
     
    Amica, Dec 16, 2016
    Amica, Dec 16, 2016
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  4. Dec 16, 2016 #4
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    BP, will this thread become as hot as the other thread about A and Mrs. A. :)

    Don't "walk out" walk out. You have a cat, a dog, and a little child. Use one of them as an excuse and gracefully remove yourself from the environs.

    In other news, we are noting that the impeccable Ms. Amica can suggest things like set your dog and cat loose! :)
     
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
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  5. Dec 16, 2016 #5
    blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks if there is a child that's the ticket. Thanks Rihana. Will meet them for lunch ( my DS sleeps at 7) so dinner is off the book. Plans are not set yet... In a few days I think A's family tell us what their schedule looks like.
    Amica's tip won't work coz they too have pets :D
     
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    #5
    Amica likes this.
  6. Dec 16, 2016 #6
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Is it just lunch or they might end up using your place as free airbnb?

    How did the guy get to make fun of your petite-ness when you haven't met!
     
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
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  7. Dec 16, 2016 #7
    blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    No idea-- the wife said she has to meet her professors. But I think she was making it up-- Christmas Eve nobody would be working.


    There are certain touristy stuff closer to where we live. I guess and told my DH that maybe they are expecting an invite to stay over so they can do the touristy stuff--- My DH spoke to A briefly about plans and according to my DH-- that's not their intent.

    Crossing my fingers and hoping this is the case.

    Oh man!! You should meet my pets- they will go with whoever has the treat pouch :tearsofjoy:
    ​
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    #7
    Amica likes this.
  8. Dec 16, 2016 #8
    blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is the million $$ question. I think they want to stay-- but again my DH says nope thats not their intent-- soo really dont know.

    Ri-- come on FB is the world, A made a comment that I look like my DH's daughter :facepalm:
     
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    #8
  9. Dec 16, 2016 #9
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Not their intent... Yeah right.. A's wife sought out your home address just because they want to have lunch/dinner with you.


    And after that you have no issues meeting them! I would have many issues. Many many issues. :)

    Match their style -- ask them their itinerary and meet at a place far away from your home. If not, when dh's find their kind and start to yap in their language, all training goes south, and they end up inviting them home even as you are frantically mime'ing that home is not presentable. Then, they say, "Oh we don't mind!" and you can't say "but I do mind!"

    Ok, am out of here. : ) Promise. : )
     
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
    Rihana, Dec 16, 2016
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  10. Dec 16, 2016 #10
    blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Gaawd I am so naive.

    I know having a nasty calm face before DH- but panicking inside. Gonna lay some serious ground rules.

    Oh Man!! Now I am really freaking out. What you have written is what's gonna go down I suppose.
    Dont goo.. you are the only who is keeping it real on the situation
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    blindpup10, Dec 16, 2016
    #10
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