What to do -convincing advice please....

BRS · Oct 24, 2014

My close friend's daughter(a Tamil Brahmin) studying abroad wants to marry her very close friend, a North Indian who has been studying with her and knows him for 6 yrs.Both of them are very emotionally attached to each other,respect each other & very decent.Both are class mates,have same likes/dislikes.My friend who is adeep believer in her tradition like me,finds it difficult to accept.Her daughter is very clear minded and says that he is a very good human being & in the eyes of God all are equal.Your advice pls.

yellowmango · Oct 24, 2014

Indian parents just want their children to follow their orders to the T.They sent her abroad only to study and get a job and that is what she should do.How dare she like someone on her one when they are so much better equipped to marry her off to someone they like !They should and taken out her heart and kept it locked up at home.

Advice.Tell them to get her married(let her marry) to her friend if everything else about him is fine....e.g family....no dowry etc

SGBV · Oct 24, 2014

If you (your friend) is against this marriage only because of his cast, race and ethnicity (or religion) then I would say it is stupid. However, a marriage is not about having same interest and affection but many other things too.

Leave aside the traditional mask to check whether this guy in question fits with your girl as a husband. If so go ahead.

At this point, we strangers do not know 5Ws of this guy to show a green signal. But definitely we are not in support of your traditional view. Sorry

peartree · Oct 24, 2014

BRS said: ↑

My close friend's daughter(a Tamil Brahmin) studying abroad wants to marry her very close friend, a North Indian who has been studying with her and knows him for 6 yrs.Both of them are very emotionally attached to each other,respect each other & very decent.Both are class mates,have same likes/dislikes.My friend who is adeep believer in her tradition like me,finds it difficult to accept.Her daughter is very clear minded and says that he is a very good human being & in the eyes of God all are equal.Your advice pls.
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BRS, it is all good that love is beyond caste/creed/sex etc. etc. One of the things that's also important is how comfortable the girl will be in a marriage like that.

For me, that a person belong to the same socio-cultural-economic background as me was extremely important. I could not imagine living with someone who did not share the same interest or at least understanding of the traditions I was myself brought up with. So, for me... a person belonging to the same community as me, with a similar economic background as me was very vital. Though I have had male friends who had qualities I would have liked very much in my husband, I did not act upon them.... it never struck me to act upon them because the above was very important to me. That is definitely not to say that I do not respect other people or other beliefs or anything like that. It is just a matter of my preference.

So ask your friend to have a frank talk with her daughter about some practical compromises in a marriage like that, without putting the other person's beliefs down. Ask your friends to be open about any rebuttals from her daughter about each point she raises. Also ask her to be open minded if that's what the daughter wants badly and be at peace with whatever the decision would come out to. Also ask the girl to think beyond the reasons of "love is divine" and "all men are equal before God" and things like that. Yes, it is all true... but just as we would probably not go and marry someone who in our eyes has a crooked nose or large ears or something like that, this is a preference too. ASk both your friend and her daughter to have an open mind, discuss this through and convince each other accordingly of their final decision.

coolsandy · Oct 24, 2014

read two states book?

tashidelek2002 · Oct 25, 2014

If she has known him for six years, she probably knows all about him and can make an educated decision on his merits.

I have several Tamil Brahmin friends. One set the TB guy married a Maharashtrian and they emigrated here. Although she keeps an Indian home, she refuses to even think of going back to India where she has to deal with the opinions of Indians on her marriage. They have been married over 20 years and have a good marriage. The other friend married "correctly" and although they are working it out, it has been a bit difficult for both of them.

Weasly · Oct 25, 2014

Come on , who care about caste and all as long as the guy is good! Mine was an arranged marriage and that too intercaste! ppl are goin for intercaste even in arranged marriages, this is toh love marriage! what has caste creed race got to do with a person being good !

Metamorphic · Oct 25, 2014

What two individuals are, as a person, and mutual love & respect makes marriage work.

Rest are redundant things still being given importance ...

Ragini25 · Oct 25, 2014

peartree said: ↑

BRS, it is all good that love is beyond caste/creed/sex etc. etc. One of the things that's also important is how comfortable the girl will be in a marriage like that.

For me, that a person belong to the same socio-cultural-economic background as me was extremely important. I could not imagine living with someone who did not share the same interest or at least understanding of the traditions I was myself brought up with. So, for me... a person belonging to the same community as me, with a similar economic background as me was very vital. Though I have had male friends who had qualities I would have liked very much in my husband, I did not act upon them.... it never struck me to act upon them because the above was very important to me. That is definitely not to say that I do not respect other people or other beliefs or anything like that. It is just a matter of my preference.

So ask your friend to have a frank talk with her daughter about some practical compromises in a marriage like that, without putting the other person's beliefs down. Ask your friends to be open about any rebuttals from her daughter about each point she raises. Also ask her to be open minded if that's what the daughter wants badly and be at peace with whatever the decision would come out to. Also ask the girl to think beyond the reasons of "love is divine" and "all men are equal before God" and things like that. Yes, it is all true... but just as we would probably not go and marry someone who in our eyes has a crooked nose or large ears or something like that, this is a preference too. ASk both your friend and her daughter to have an open mind, discuss this through and convince each other accordingly of their final decision.
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Super post peartree!
Super like!

BRS - this is the best you can provide as suggestion to your friend and her daughter.
(I have a feeling the daughter has probably thought of all this and made her priorities/preferences, but no harm in having a talk and getting her to articulate her thoughts).

jasmine25 · Oct 25, 2014

All of us can throw opinions but the decision maker "is the girl" who is gonna to lead her life.. The values, culture, tradition, practices, food habits etc differ even within families of the same caste... In that case the girl has to adopt to the new surroundings be it an arranged or love marriage..
I look at this way..The almighty has gifted us with one precious Life.. There is no meaning to it if you are unable to lead a life of your choice..( provided the guy is genuine..)