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What Should I Do

Discussion in 'Interesting Shares' started by Sony23, Nov 11, 2019.

  1. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Indeed it is where we can share whatever we feel. The "we" is you and me, until many others join us.... and we all feel together.
    I can guarantee you that I am not "upset or something". I would be upset if someone I had been messaging is gone missing for 6 months, and not tell me where he had gone.
    So you want to discontinue this thread ?
     
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  2. Sony23

    Sony23 New IL'ite

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    Yes I want to discontinue..plus help how to do that
     
  3. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Your old date gave you a good hint.
    If you don't respond, you'd effectively discontinue.
    [hint: don't respond to this :tonguewink:, the most you can do is click "like" , if you really really must do that]
     
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  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Good to hear ,he is better now.
    If he is physically abusive, best option would be to divorce. Where do you live??
    Regarding your friend
    You can message him asking, How r you.
    Be careful with social media. There is a chance that your husband could read your messages.
     
    Sony23 likes this.
  5. Sony23

    Sony23 New IL'ite

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    Thank you dear.. husband still gets bursts of anger sometimes on small things but never hits..fights are less than before but I have been through so much pain that I somewhere dont love him anymore...about the friend..I have left him several messages but he hasn't responded..I have decided not to message anymore..the more I think the more I am sad..but thx for your support..I appreciate that .
     
  6. Sony23

    Sony23 New IL'ite

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    Wow you are everywhere lol..good for u
     
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  7. Sony23

    Sony23 New IL'ite

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    [QUOTE="Sony23, post: [/QUOTE]
    I sense sarcasm here...was really not needed dear..you could have said dont respond....anyway..looks like u are vakeel of IL..you have all the time huh to respond to all posts...lol
     
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  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Well then, Don't message him.
    There are lots of genuine readers in IL.
    Come back and post when ever you have a problem. Take care
     
    Sony23 likes this.
  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP,
    Try to live in the present. Your ex is past.

    What if your dh or your ex's wife ( if he is married) came to know about it? [ his spouse can consider it as emotional cheating]. You are now getting desperate due to lack of reply, because you are emotionally connected to him. That's not a good sign.

    Will you be ok if your DH keep contact with his ex,if he has any

    You need to move on. Keeping in contact with him, will make you live in the past and can lead to comparison with your spouse. If you want to continue, in current life, stop all contacts with ex. Let it be a good memory. Let him also move on with his life and focus on his married life. Isn't unfair to your husband and his spouse if you keep in contact. Even if you , say it's just message nothing else, he will be always your ex not a friend in true sense. Also, even if your dh turns to Mr perfect ,you will never be able to appreciate or love him, the way a wife should.

    I have heard that ( read IL posts too) that any man or woman with strong past relationship, cannot love their spouse well. A few exceptions can be there [ I remember a movie with song kabhi kabhi mere dil.main..starring Rakhi, Amitabh bachan,Sasi Kapoor etc, dont remember the movie name].
    So if someone prefer arranged marriage , its better not to indulge in other relationships before marriag as it will be tough to loveor acceptable stranger as spouse. If they want to find spouse themselves, do it and have the guts to face the consequences if any. Now a days many parents approve, their kids choices if it's good.

    If there is physical abuse in your marriage, it's not good to continue. Your negative feelings towards him is valid because of the bad experience

    Be on safer side and try to improve your current life. You need to heal the wounds in your mind to focus on your married life. Do you think counseling will help you (I think you are not in India now. if you are in USA, and working, EAP can provide free sessions) .

    Be practical. Wishing you peace of mind and happiness
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2019
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  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Sony23 dear, you got unlucky with having such a husband. If you feel that you can't forget what he did before, and that you dont love him anymore , first take steps to end this marriage and become independent. Then only will you have the right energy to attract the right relationship in your life... The fact that you stayed with an abusive guy indicates on some level you have confidence and self esteem issues. I m putting this bluntly , but no emotionally healthy man is going to be attracted to you right now , considering that you are married and married to an abusive person. You are looking for comfort and support in the wrong place. Leave your ex out of the picture, concentrate on yourself girl. I dont know the full story , but if you are saying that things are better with ur husband because he is less abusive than before ,thats not ok.. why are you settling so low... love and respect are bare minimums for a healthy relationship. you dont have either in yours.
     
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