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What Next After A Legal Notice?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by BerryPine, May 13, 2018.

  1. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    I'm 32 years old now.So after 12 years of married life and 3 years of this on going current issue,finally my husband sent a legal notice couple of days ago. The issue is 'trust'.
    Since when he started suspecting me?
    Almost 4 years ago, I was living abroad for 15 months for my education. Few party pics and chat messages. My husband seen everything and since then everyday was hell. We have twins. I quit job my couple of months ago because he wanted me to be financial dependent on him(in order to save our marriage I agreed to quit) There were a lot of mental torture during those days. High level verbal abuse.

    A big mistake...
    few months ago a severe fight combined with verbal abuse(he always calls me prostitute) I was bottled up with all my anger and threw a toy at him and he started bleeding and got two stitches. He complained at the police station and the case been closed as I gave a apologize letter and assurance -no in anyway I repeat,however I want me husband and kids to live as a family. Legally things were settled,still my husband wasnt convinced and started assassinating my character to his parents and family that I have some affair and thats why I was trying to kill him also stated that I would elope anytime and they created more problem.And also they wanted me to quit my job and prove my husband is wrong.

    Now....
    I came to my parents place for my kids holidays,no communication between me and h. He is not answering my calls(even if my father and mother calls). He is not bothered about kids also. Financially I'm managing with my little savings until now.

    A small background....
    Ours was a love marriage(he proposed me I accepted and told my parents and got married,not so lovey dovey). He had huge debts to pay off (like 10 lacs). We moved abroad soon after wedding and understood about my husband very lately. I regret my decision,and accepted the fact. Sex life wasnt great too. He would be sluggish most of the time. He snores a lot,I mean literally a lot and most of the night i sleep in the next room. After 3 years of wedding with one year of failure in TTC, finally discovered that he has lowest count and zero motility. Underwent two infertility treatments as husband was not ready to improve the condition with medications. With one failure treatment IVF made us parent of wonderful twins(g/b).

    Legal notice...
    Seeing the legal notice myself and my parents were shocked beyond words and husband is not reachable anytime. I was suppose to go to my maternity home which is in another city by next week and all of a sudden this legal notice been sent.

    I dont want to go for mutual. Im here now looking for suggestions to prove that I need my husband.
    1. Can partying pics be pushed to adultery?
    2. This happened almost 4 years ago,in anther country(Australia), Can this still be a strong evidence towards adultery?
    3. My husband's infertile issues,Can I make this as a supporting event to prove that his low complex is hallucinating trust issues?

    Pls suggest me what should I do to save this marriage. I'm so much worried and confused as I didnt expect this scene in my life.What will I do with my 8 year old kids.I'm emotionally and financially drained.
     
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  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Get out of this marriage with this abusive person. Don't give up your financial independence. Your husband doesn't sound like a good role model to have for your kids anyway. Unless he is willing to look into his abusive behaviours, it is best you stay away.

    Don't take on the blame for anything. Remember abusers don't abuse because of your behaviour. They just gip away way at your self esteem until you think you are in the wrong .. Stay safe. Stay strong. Wish you all the best.
     
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  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    if you can edit some of the details in your post @BerryPine remove the place, the twins and details..

    and stay strong and if your dh after 12 yrs of marriage can quote trust issues then maybe you need to think more.
     
    BerryPine likes this.
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....in India ,it takes more than a few party pics to get a divorce specially if kids are involved. What kind of chat? Anything you should not have done?Anything that proves infidelity?

    Do you really want to stay married to this guy?Think .

    If you want to stay married,you can delay the divorce for a long time.
    Talk to a lawyer.
    Check how much maintainance and child support he will be expected to give specially when he made you leave your job because of his insecurities . Note it down.

    Check if you can put a case against him for tarnishing your reputation based on his insecurities.

    Let him know if he continues bashing your reputation ,you will make his sexual issues and his insecurities based on these issues public. You don't have to ,but you can threaten since he himself has no qualms about dragging your name through mud.

    You hitting him and it being on record will go against you.

    Give him a clear picture of what he is going face on his way to divorce.Let him know you will fight it out in court all the way .

    This ofcourse will not smooth out differences.
    If you want to get back and live with him....then you will have to suck up and take this nonsense.
    First step would be to go for marital counselling.


    No court in India will let him divorce the mother of two kids based on trust issues if she is willing to fight back in court.

    Talk to a lawyer.
    But I do think if this guy is worth the trouble.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2018
    madras2018 and BerryPine like this.
  5. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    I havent thought of separation anytime.The life we are living is what we built together for our better living and future. My mind is muchly chaos.
     
  6. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you Shanvy. I couldnt figure a way to edit my the post. Pls guide me.
     
  7. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for your points. His parents are planning to get him re marry,why my kids has to suffer. I might sound stupid/insane at the moment. Im in shock seeing the legal notice.We (myself and my parents) doesnt know any lawyers,no idea on how to chose a lawyer coz I have heard that civil lawyers could misguide in many scenarios. Sorry If I'm wrong.

    We had one session of counselling, husband told the counselor like the counselor is trying to change his mind.And refused for the following sessions.

    About the pics and chat:-
    It was a pic where a guy Y was holding two woman,one is me. A video where some girls and guys dancing(including me.It was my bdy celebration) Chat was a month before i left the country. The core message in that chat is why I should stay in an unhappy marriage instead I could accept the proposal from the guy Y and move to that country with my kids. In that I hv mentioned that "if I wasnt married,I might have considered" Some taylor swift song lines "grab my passport and my hands".
    That bdy party was hosted By the guy Y.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2018
  8. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    I hnestly feel like I have been used these days, we paid off his parents and extended circle debts,supported him while he was paying EMI for the house he built in his native, supported him financially for every asset we bought(car,flat for us). Now almost all his EMIs came to an end,its time for us(me husband and kids) to live a normal happy life. The love and support hardly been recognized and reciprocated.
     
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  9. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Start collecting the financial records for all these. Given what you say of him, he - and his family - are either committed to divorce, or they're trying to browbeat you into submission. In either case, a list of these payments will help. If their minds are made up there's not much you can do, but at least get back some of this money and child support. 'Trust' ought to extend both ways.
     
  10. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think its better for you to divorce this guy. Get a job soon . How long will you bear verbal abuse. Prostitute:rage:. Do u want to hear this word till u die.
     
    shravs3 likes this.

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