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What Is Moral, What Is Immoral And What Is The Line Between Them

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. gorgeous23

    gorgeous23 Silver IL'ite

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    this forum was about anybody having crushed on opposite sex after marriage, not about flirting with men or enjoying it or even about .an EMA is a serious thing which involves both parties.
    a crush is mostly one sided, as I would say it is all in my head . the other party need never know about it.
    i do know many friends who have had crushes at one time or another. but even in this anonymous forum not many are forthcoming.
    Sumtimes we like people without any reason, that can involve both male or female. we really do get on well with some people without any apparent logic.that is part of being human i suppose.
    but we are also mature enough to understand such temporary feelings as normal& never cross the line.
    we respect our marriage & these occasional crush cannot harm our loyalty towards our marriage. this is my take.
    it may sound immoral to some, but I guess being honest is also important.
     
  2. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    work spouse does not happen on the first day. it happens very slowly. a male / female worker you work longer than others, as he reports to you or vice versa or you both work in the same coding project. first slowly you discuss your work issues and new ideas regarding work , you will be spending lot of time with that person and then longer together it becomes personal too. (*** totally depending on the other person and your individual emotional state) . If you are vulnerable , he or she can play their games.

    ( you did not mean YOU as a person :) , just a context :)
     
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  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes I don’t think this is deliberate process. Happens over time as one spends a lot of time at work and starts discussing ones personal problems. It probably starts with friendship first . I was also taken aback when someone mentioned it to me but I can see it happening without people realizing .



     
  4. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    It is not immoral, we are humans.

    In a healthy relationship discussing this with your DH does not affect the marriage. Someone once said, "your husband is looking at other women". When I asked him, he said, "eyes are to admire the beauty. does it matter if it is a woman? (as long it stops there)". From then on, I would go to the mall and he would sit outside and I would tell him enjoy with the god given eyes. LOL! we both would laugh and I never hesitated to tell if someone was handsome. Never impacted the marriage, we are soulmates and nothing in this world can ever come between us. True love always wins!
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Work spouse does not always means EMA, but it is referring to a co-worker, usually of the opposite sex,with whom one shares a special relationship, having bonds similar to those of a marriage.
    With so many of the quality hours of a day spent at work, having someone there who has an intuitive understanding of the pressures, personalities, interactions, and underlying narratives of the workplace society can add safety and comfort to what can otherwise be an alienating environment.

    However, some people do misuse of this relationship and have EMA.

    Just like in Friendship... Friendship is a very pure relationship, but the ones who involve with EMA use this word friendship to cover up their relationship.,
     
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  6. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    The key is strength of your relationship with your DH. There are certain principles if you follow you won't be vulnerable. The golden rule is never to discuss personal issues, good or bad. Never have even a casual physical contact like a hug with the opposite sex. If you feel attracted to an opposite sex, do whatever it takes to nip it at the bud. If you have a true loving relation with your DH, he and only he is your anchor.
    You do not develop emotional dependency with opposite sex no matter how good friend he or she may be. There is nothing innocent about one's action, your actions have consequences today or tomorrow. Other person can be weak; but, it is your discipline that prevents you from falling into traps ....
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2018
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  7. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    so true.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    1. Have you ever had crushes after marriage? It can be with one person or many
    Yes
    2. Have you ever felt connected (emotionally to be more precise) with the opposite gender at any given point after marriage? Again, can be with one person, or different persons at different timelines
    No
    3. Have you ever felt attracted to other men?
    Of course yes
    4. Have you ever enjoyed the attention or attraction by certain men?
    Yes
    5. Have you been always open with your spouse about all these feelings?
    Not always....just one or two times.
     
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  9. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    What makes you think the ones that don’t conform to “harmless “ crushes are being dishonest? The definition of flirting is also very subjective isn’t it ? For me enjoying a compliment from another man is flirting , for you it is not. There is no black or white here. So please don’t suggest that we are not being honest. Thanks !

     
  10. gorgeous23

    gorgeous23 Silver IL'ite

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    i am only referring to myself here, nowhere did i mention that those who do not confirm to my thoughts are being dishonest. i apologize if i hurt you
     
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