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What Is Moral, What Is Immoral And What Is The Line Between Them

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Inspired by the various POVs of my recent thread which discussed about my colleagues' companionship with a guy, I am starting this thread to discuss the same matter in general...

    Let's all be honest here!!

    1. Have you ever had crushes after marriage? It can be with one person or many
    2. Have you ever felt connected (emotionally to be more precise) with the opposite gender at any given point after marriage? Again, can be with one person, or different persons at different timelines
    3. Have you ever felt attracted to other men?
    4. Have you ever enjoyed the attention or attraction by certain men?
    5. Have you been always open with your spouse about all these feelings?

    To be very honest here, my answers will be YES for the first 4 questions, and NO for the last one.
    And when you say YES, it is not YES with all the male friends/colleagues or others we interact. It is about a special kind of a bond we form with someone.
    And not necessarily this bond to last forever... JMO, the excitement will eventually die.
    And when I say NO, to the last question, it doesn't mean I try to hide something or feel guilty of sharing. Rather, it means I avoid discussing such feelings with my spouse, knowing it can sometimes be an unpleasant discussion.
    But I do not deliberately take any precautionary actions to hide or deactivate such relationships from the world including my spouse/family.

    Sometimes my other friends, family or colleagues know this special bond, and at times they would be curious to know the depth of such relationships.
    But never once, I gave them an opportunity to suspect my character or gossip with others or with my family about this.
    This is just a matter of handling things with a class....

    I know the limits and how to maintain that fine line, so that I don't invite any troubles to my marriage or family.
    I don't consider this as EMA at all, and hence won't judge if anyone is involved in such relationships.

    This makes me happy, entertained, and allows to live my life to the fullest instead of feeling lonely, unhappy or unsatisfied.
    It also gives me the much needed courage and mental strength to face different battles in life.
    And more importantly I offer my better self to my family, so that everyone at home is happy and content.

    I don't consider this as a sin. In fact, being so strict on self, and pleasing the society to prove your purity has made many women depressed in a long run. Some of them suppress their feelings and the other let their feelings take a ride on them (hence possibly trapped in EMA)
    Such women can never be a light to their family. And it is indeed a sin.

    Besides, crossing this fine line by taking advantage of this liberty is a different issue altogether.
    EMA is there since biblical era, and there was no social media or worldly life for women back then. So, our hard-earned liberation is not at all a reason behind EMA, but something else.
    Those who want to commit EMA will find a way.


    Friends, share your POV here
     
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  2. Rakhii

    Rakhii Finest Post Winner

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    See my answer above :)
    I am telling ya, husbands doesnt have to know everything; just like we dont have to know everything. Things that are not harmful (not talking a full fledged physical affair) need not be discussed with my hubby. I dont expect him to tell them to me either. If it ends up being a physical affair, I would want to know.

    Am i immoral? If you say so.
     
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  3. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    SGBV, while I appreciate your bold approach of bringing this topic under discussion, Im afraid you 'll hardly get any honest response even in an anonymous forum like this......We are basically very cladestine by nature.....I have had crushes ( harmless ones) .....never disclosed my feelings to any one......Casual flirting is ok with me and I dont consider all these silly things as sin or whatever......Sometimes I even enjoy if other girls flirt with my husband......Gives me a feeling that my husband still looks handsome and young......jokes apart, casual flirting and enjoying the attention that you get is sometimes very helpful to pull on with otherwise a very routined life......So live and let live and enjoying life should be the motto....
     
  4. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Yes , yes and yes. Definitely no to telling husband. If it doesn't turn into something big then alls well.If it turns into big, I think owning up and doing the needful is good.
     
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Rakhii said it perfectly!
     
  6. lavani

    lavani Silver IL'ite

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    Interesting discussion. I totally agree with mimi. this is a very thin edge sword place . just my 2 cents . if the wife is not connected fully with her hubby and vice versa. this is a very dangerous line. because at that time that insecurity can destroy a person and turn him her into a very maniacal beast.

    hiding never works, some day H can always find out.

    i have had lot of flirting at work. like asking for coffee and i went. but it stop just there, nothing more than that, i do not share my number and even if i do, i do not take any social calls after i am home. whatsapp i do not allow any personal comments . It sounds stupid but no, any emotional interaction i avoid to save from the big argument at home.

    it is joint commitment. i did have a talk like this with my h. i expect the same from him. I also noticed if i am emotionally happy, i do not really need and even try to get at anywhere . sorry if i sound stupid
     
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  7. lavani

    lavani Silver IL'ite

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    you are not immoral. any kind of physical attachment, i consider immoral.

    talking , we can do for all our heart content. when you work especially full time for some years in the same place, people know. same at neighbourhood, people know who is the social chatter and who is insecure.
     
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Finest Post Winner

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    Isn't that crazy? Even in an anonymous setting, people are very concerned about their reputation.

    Yes to all except last one. My husband is insecure as it is, and asked me to cut all communication with my male friends after marriage. He's not as controlling about it anymore, but he also doesn't know about who i talk to anymore- male or female.

    I've noticed many people fearing to create close social/emotional relationships in our culture. I'm not sure why, because without people, our lives are basically meaningless. There is too much moral policing. I wonder if it's directly linked to the type of relationship some people have in their marriage. If it's a marriage out of duty, rather than love and mutual respect, there may be a fear that any external relationship could tempt them and potentially make the life they have succumbed to be more miserable than it already is. :thinking: Just thinking out loud.
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Same feelings here. Too much moral policing to prevent people from seeking physical or emotional connect outside, as most of these marriages seem to me mechanical and just duty based.
    If there is true love, affection and respect, I don't think one can easily tempt for EMA that easily. And there is absolutely no need for.

    And having crushes and companionship outside of the marriage, one doesn't have to be in a bad marriage. It has nothing to do with their marriage IMO.
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Same feelings here. Too much moral policing to prevent people from seeking physical or emotional connect outside, as most of these marriages seem to be very mechanical and just duty based.
    If there is true love, affection and respect, I don't think one can be easily tempted for EMA.

    One doesn't have to be in a bad marriage to have friends outside of the marriage. JMO
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
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