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What is freedom?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by tanoshii, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Sometimes I feel that in a marriage, you are given one "advantage" and you are supposed to be happy with it and let go of another. How do you chose what to keep and what to let go?

    I've heard my own brothers and sisters or friends too, who are happily married with kids, complain that they are not able to spend as much time with friends as they did before their marriage. What is there to complain there? How is that a sacrifice or lack of freedom when you have a lovely family?
     
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  2. myde

    myde New IL'ite

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    Hi

    I understand that there should be some 'give and take' policy.However Indian men generally have the attitude to boss their wives.I work on shifts so go to office early in the morn (say 6.30am) and return around 7-8 pm in the evening.My hubby still expects me to cook once i return home .Its too tiring really:(. I love to cook but eventually losing interest.During weekends i cook him his fav.If i could atleast talk to him in kitchen as i cook it would be much better coz i just have couple of hours to rest at home apart from my office work hours.

    Pls suggest better approach.
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Tano

    Freedom is not about just letting the other person do what they want to....nope its not freedom...(in my opinion atleast)

    freedom is ability to say yes/No or ability to express your views good /bad.. ability to be an equal partner in the relationship....that means to be able to make decisions/ suggest solutions.

    As you mentioned....your husband wants to watch movie and you are not ok with that...so you are not the bad person here neither your husband is bad....here its just matter of diff. of opinion...no one is trying to control each other here...neither someones freedom is being taken away...both of you have freedom in expressing the whys and whats...thats what matters...you are saying no and he is saying he wants to...thats all!!

    its just that you want him to spend time with you (which is a good thing) and he wants to calmly watch tv..(no talking :)) which is a good thing as per him....sohow each of you accomodate others interest is finally the happy place where every couple wants to be in....its not that you want to cut off his freedom...or that he wants to ignore you right??
     
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  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    There is no absolute freedom .Every object including a human being works under constraints..in other words we
    have limited degrees of freedom. That's just how life is.

    The best we can do is choose our constraints.
    And in ur specific case...You need to honestly evaluate for yourself...If ur staying at home is one of the reasons why ur DH is not ready to take on more financial responsibility a.k.a kids or travel .If yes then its time to choose. Whether u want to have the choice of not being a earning spouse or being an earning one and have more say in certain areas.
     
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  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    aaaah :) awesome!! I was some what laughing to myself when I read this...well said yeah...
     
  6. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for your response Myde. You have already given a wonderful idea. Have you ever asked him if would like to sit around in the kitchen before dinner? Make it a practise to have dinner together every night. I know it makes a big difference in the long run.

    Have you ever tried ceiling gazing together??? I believe in spending time in the bedroom together. Forget everything else and just talk for a short while before you sleep. Making it a habit would be difficult with your tight schedule. But I also believe that takes out a lot of stress and the physical tiredness won't matter after you start talking..even if it were a few minutes.

    PS. I do have the gift of time and think of only so much to fit your busy schedule. But it would be nice to hear from working women who manage to balance their home and work life well.
     
  7. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree and yes freedom of speech is as essential as any other thing in a marriage.

    And yes, its how we accommodate each other's interest is what decides as to how happy we make each other.
    Precisely why we still have the (monster of a) television at home and we struck a pact to watch at least one good movie together every weekend. It gives me the time with him while he enjoys the rare occasion when I don't talk :p.

    To accommodate the interests of the other, both the husband and wife must be willing to contribute equally. After all, it is a marriage and we both vow to sharing our lives with the other.

    Thanks for your response Srividya.
     
  8. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    I was hoping to see more peeks into this thread cos from what I read in many threads, the balance does not seem to exist in every marriage. I was just curious as to how others perceive freedom in their relationships. I did start it to be a general discussion and not to justify my own views. It would be great to hear from more members.
     
  9. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for your response justanothergirl.

    Lol..makes sense. I totally agree.

    If not having a job is the freedom I choose, the constraint - not having the right to decide when to have a kid, is just a bit too much. That is what I am trying to say. I understand I can't expect the balance to always strike perfectly, but it rests on both the people in a marriage to work towards making it reasonable for the other.
     
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  10. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, dont know if I'm experienced enough to participate in here. But because you wanted to know what freedom means to different people in their relationships, here is my take on it.

    Freedom to me means, having the liberty to be the person that I AM around my BF, and vice versa. Everything else is pretty much relative to who comes up with a logical reasoning to problems and puts a solution on the table. So never felt I was being curtailed or something has been taken away from me. And I guess its the same with him :)
     

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