What is appropriate clothing for kids?

Recently I saw the sathabhishegam (function for 80th birthday) video of my DH's relatives. I was shocked to see my 15 year old niece (DH's cousin's daughter) wearing a see through saree in a single pleat and a skimpy blouse underneath (low neck and back, high waisted, sleeveless.). When I expressed my shock and dismay out loud, my mil who was in the room shut me down saying that the girl was very stylish and had better dress sense than most people. Later, another niece told me that this one was actually very pretty and sexy!

This teenager may be only a niece and that too once removed but still she is a young one in my family and in my life. I am in a mother's sthanam (status) or could be a guardian. If I had attended the function and had seen her dress like that, I would have surely asked her to go change. I am also sure there would have been a huge scene but that has never stopped me before from saying what I think is right.

Being a mom, I find myself all the more sensitized to kids these days wearing skimpy, revealing, inappropriate clothing. Adults have thier right to wear what they want. I understand that. I don't like it when adults come to the temple in short, tight, rude-words-printed clothes but I look away since it is my problem.

But when young kids are not decently dressed, isn't it everybody's problem and responsibility? Aren't we all equally responsible in keeping our children safe and innocent? To not have them be the object of perverted desires. Shouldn't we be allowed to raise our concerns for other people's children.

From children's beauty paegents, to pedophiles, to sex slavery and trade - we hear and see so many things that shock us on how kids can so easily become victims.

I also see parents dressing both boys and girls skimpily, teaching/allowing them to dance vulgar dance routines, sing adult content songs in public, in social gatherings. When we ban kids from seeing certain movies, it is not that we are taking away their freedom, but that we are protecting them until they are old enough to choose. So why not do the same for clothes, dance moves etc.? Shouldn't atleast clothes, much like books and movies also be age appropriate?

Am I being too conservative? Has the world really changed that much since when I grew up? Do kids now get to be adultish before they do turn into adults chronologically? Why do parents allow this or okay this? Are parents of these youngsters not concerned? Is sexy really an okay term to describe someone younger than 18? Is it really okay to aim for looking or being sexy when one is younger than the arbitarary age of 18?

I have mentioned this before in a post in another forum and unrelated thread. Since this video incident happened last weekend, I felt a need to start a new thread on this topic in this forum. PT and Spiderman, I hope that is okay with you guys.

 

Spiderman, I hear what you're saying on this. I do. Sometimes I think I don't quite fit in my generation. I don't want to alienate DS when he is a teenager or older but I don't think I can help that. I won't quit being his mom and not letting him know when I think he is crossing a line - clothes or otherwise. My goal is not really to have like me but to be his protector until he is an adult. After that it will all be his choice. I can raise him and teach him the values that I uphold and then I let go. He will choose what to do with it from then on.
Other peeps kids, it is much tougher. I have been a teacher, a counselor and so many other things to other kids. I would want others to watch over my kid when my eyes are not on him, I am not in his life any more etc. I truly feel all kids are like my kids and treat them like I would my own. It is not only a social responsibility that drives me but also a feeling of love for them. I know it sounds very cheesy but it is what it is.

Vanathi - I guess other parents could see me as being too forward. They can raise thier children how they want. I understand that. I have experienced that with even close relatives who get upset when you even point out something that their child has done wrong - like using a bad word or lying etc. People are so defensive. It is like their children represent them and so things get very personal and feelings get hurt. Sometimes, I wonder if they understand that it is because I care that I say something. If I truly did not care if the child went to the dogs then I would be like everybody else murmuring politely and saying inane things that people like to hear.

Malathi - Mothers have the ultimate responsibilty. I completely agree. As I was saying to Spiderman, I wish all women would band together with a sense of universal maternal love. We would be a force to reckon with. Like MADD for instance. Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. Together we could all help our kids fight and say no to drugs. Together we help them reach adulthood safely. Together we teach them. Together, we can overcome any obstacle/problem. Truly your child or mine, what does it matter? They are equally beloved.

My idea of Utopia...I guess.

Thanks for posting you guys. I appreciate it.

 

Vanathi - I agree that moms have different opinions on things. Many such things are cutural. Maybe us desi ladies can join forces because we have minimal differences. And even then, those differences can be sorted out. As long as we all agree on important stuff like drugs, alcohol for underage, unprotected sex etc. This kind of Utopia did sort of exist a couple of generations back in India. Our forefathers and foremothers were smart - they knew they each could not be everwhere so they stationed a mom and dad for every child everywhere...

MP - Thanks. Your chachi sounds wonderful. My mom is like that too. Any wonder that I am inspired to be this way as well? My friends and cousins used to call my mom Hitler coz she was so strict but she was and still is unrivalled in her equal giving of love to all children in the family. No matter how much they feared here, my friends and cousins always told thier issues to my mom first - from infatuations, to terrible report cards to dreams and ambitions. I think we all knew that with her disciplining came security.