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What I Learnt Being Mr.mom For 100-days

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Jey, May 4, 2017.

  1. Jey

    Jey Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Recently, Induslady had to go to India for close to 100-days. During this time, school was in session and I had to take care of both our kids. Yeah, fun. I learnt a ton during those days and wanted to share with our community.

    Here are the top 5.

    Advice is so easy to give.
    I can't count the number of times I have told Induslady, “Why are you screaming at kids. They are just being kids.“ I realized how easy it is to say it when you don't deal with kids as continuously as a mom does. When you have to deal non-stop with their inability to follow directions, laziness, silly sibling fights, need for constant followup etc it is impossible to keep your cool at all times. I didn't last a week without losing it. All the “calm dad” image came crumbling down!

    Its easy to be the cool dad when you don't need to do the uncool stuff
    I realized that it is easy to be the cool parent when you don't have to deal with two things 1. Homework and 2. Disciplining. I dealt with neither of those when Induslady was here and hence it was easy to be the cool dad. Once I had to deal with those two, my coolness factor went from 100 to 6 in no time. “Daddy, you are not as much fun as mom”.

    You can’t miss a single detail
    Induslady’s constant reminder to pay attention to detail on mundane stuff used to frustrate me. One day, offspring#2 came home with unfinished lunch. Turns out I didn't pack a fork. By the time he finished searching for it in the bag, realized that I haven’t packed it, asked for a fork and got one, lunch time was almost over. When I realized that he went the whole afternoon with a grumbling stomach, it was clear that I can’t just leave details to take care of itself.

    Planning protects sanity
    Many times I have commented to Induslady, "We don't run the Deutsche Bahn here. Everything doesn't have to be scheduled, planned and executed like clockwork. Let things be spontaneous". While life needs a good blend of planning and spontaneity, I under estimated the mayhem that could result if things aren’t planned, particularly when kids are involved. I started doing things on a whim (Icecream at 8pm on a school day evening, no problem!) and saw what a mess I created. I quickly realized I had been living in this la-la land of how things worked when we were couples. Spontaneity has a 10x price when kids enter the picture.

    Small chores add up
    When we think of chores, we think big things like cooking, dishes, laundry, folding, groceries etc. but I realized that there are innumerable little things that need to be taken care that doesn’t fall into these big buckets. Buy and deliver box of cupcakes for the school party. Text the dance teacher to schedule makeup class. Put money below the pillow for tooth fairy. There is a ton of these little ones. Never ending. It drove me nuts. I struggled to keep all these tiny things on my head. Even though I never got good at it, I at least understood that these are there. I try really hard to not add to these.

    I always knew Induslady took care of a whole lot more than what I directly saw. But actually stepping in for her and having to do it first hand is a whole new level of consciousness.

    If you feel your DH isn’t understanding all that you do to run the house, do something and disappear for 6-8 weeks during middle of school year (extended work project in another city, marriage for cousin in India, taking parents on vacation, something). That will do it.

    So, what am I missing? What are the things that men don’t understand about what it takes to run the house?
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Good comprehensive list, Jey. Is this an advance Mother's Day gift for IndusLady? : )

    I am nodding my head at each item in the list. Been through each one! The yelling and screaming.. I was told many times, "I know they can drive you nuts, but don't scream at them." Ha ha.. one time a book came flying out from a room in which dad and kid were working on a project. : ) I being the good girl I am, just picked it up and put it away. No I told you so's.

    One thing that some dads don't get is the amount of time that goes in researching things related to kids. Asking people, gathering info, making decisions...
     
  3. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Such a sweet post @Jey ..priceless! That kind of admission doesn't come easy to most ..men or women..we do take our spouses and all they do for the family for granted. Do print it out and give it to @Induslady with a dozen roses this mothers day.
    I couldnt help but add my own car-pool story to this thread. We are part of two carpools high and middle school. 5 families . All the moms manage it. Its stressful but works great given we have a good mix of stay at home and working moms .Games / practices happen ..kids fall sick ..families go on break during school year all these were tracked and managed. We did a fantastic job for 2 yrs even managing last min schedule changes to make sure all was good . Families met for a barbecue and as the moms were just laughing over how complicated things got and patting ourselves on the back that after all that we are all still friends..a couple of dads sneered and said we did not know how to optimize and we over engineered a simple problem. So this year we said...hmm...easy u say..let the dads do it.
    Barely a month into the school year the dads came back with... sorry unconditional apology. Please take it back and we will take the ladies out for another picnic (or more) after school ends.
     
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Loved the post, Jey. It couldn't have an easy time for any of you. I agree with @justanothergirl when she says
    I am sure IL will appreciate your honesty and appreciation of her contribution to the family.

    Yes, the only way probably to appreciate each other's roles is to step into them. As times change, more and more women are stepping into men's roles of bringing home butter, cheese and veggies to go with the bread. Some families see the man also shouldering chores at home, but we still have a long way to go in that department. Am sure, once men have to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of work, domestic chores as well as looking after kids, even if it be just for a week or fortnight, there would a greater understanding and appreciation of each other side.

    Congratulations on a successful stint as Mr. Mommy. Am sure you did a great job! Congratulations also on the thread being nominated to Finest Posts. :)
     
    shyamala1234, Induslady, knbg and 3 others like this.
  5. SassySalsa

    SassySalsa Bronze IL'ite

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    Nice post
    And it doesn't have to be 6-8 weeks, even a week will suffice.
    The sad part is, for most folks, once the ILs come back in picture, the experience and the understanding is easily forgotten in no time.
     
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  6. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    That was lovely to read and surely relatable to every mom and dad here for sure. Only thing, few men will openly admit to the wives contribution and work, and once back on the scene the routine continues.
     
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  7. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    good post..enjoyed reading..excellent idea to show our man what it takes to be a mother..let me try it once..:sunglasses:
     
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  8. Jey

    Jey Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You are wicked smart. I specifically left that part, but you ferreted it out. ok, here you go. It's for our 13th Wedding Anniversary!:fearscream:
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @Jey have a small clue to the 100 days of m not being at home and I hope things are settled now.

    Happy wedding anniversary and a wonderful one at that.

    I am sure K has been very accommodating understanding and adjusting. And @Jey that is a comprehensive list.

    Dh always says you women are wired to multitask I think and God has been very partial with that gift. Not sure if we are but I understand that we handle situations differently. And you need to actually step into the shoes to understand if it slaps your ankle hard or pinches your toes.

    And to step in for the absentee parent and do both is a hard task, well done. And so sweet of you to appreciate all that m does. Being appreciated and acknowledged makes it easy.
    Hope more men do it..

    @Induslady, M are you going to let @Jey off with just this post for the wedding anniversary?
    Wishing both of you many more years of togetherness,understanding,love and happiness.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2017
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  10. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I could not have asked for a better Anniversary gift #counting-my-blessings.

    This hasn't been the kind of Anniversary that we usually have from the heart/peace-of-mind stand-point. But this one post enlightened my day and will go a long way in life for me.

    It's in hard times that spouses need each other the most. I have experienced this to the best in the last few months!
     

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