Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Anusha2917, Jun 16, 2019.
This is a good question. And honestly I don't have an answer for this.
Each day is special/blah, because we say/feel so.
Special days are extra-special, because we say/feel so, and perhaps do something extra to celebrate that.
Because we see such a lot of complaints from abused women on this portal's relationship sub-forum, we might even say that nasty, abusive (or simply boring) husband forgetting an anniversary could be extra special for the wife.
All these special days have become like festivals at least to make every one think about a particular topic or a particular person. Celebrating Srirama Navami, Krishna Jayanathi, Deepavali, Ramadhan, Christmas, Thanks Giving, etc. are all for making all of us think about the Lord or practice austerity or thank someone.
If you feel connected, there is no need to celebrate special day and they are intended to feel connected to the divinity or special people in life who have made some contribution to become who we are today. Some may have the fortune to spend lifetime with parents while others may be unfortunate to be away from them. Both love their parents dearly in their unique ways.
Yesterday, I experienced something unique. A 32 year old unmarried daughter living in America whose ambition is to eradicate Malaria from the world as per the wishes of her dad, lost her dad two years ago. She cried and cried for a year because he could not see her doing so well towards that goal after finishing her Ph.D. in immunology. Her mother was visiting her from India for a few months and is leaving for India today. She was crying asking her mom to stay back as she needs family support. I spent sometime helping crying mother and daughter to do what they need to do in life. As you know a visiting parents can't stay for more than six months. At the same time, daughter is unable to compromise the ambition of her father by leaving the job and stay with her mother in India.
Stranger are the ways people shower their love and affection.
Thank you V Sir for your reply.
You have put forth your POV in a very apt and pleasant manner with a very nice example
humm....I cant equate birthdays and anniversaries with Valentines day/ mothers day or fathers day!
Birthday represents the day i took birth in this world to wonderful parents, who gave me everything i have and honestly it shows me how old i am growing every year. Without this day, i would be clueless as to my age. It is a celebration for my parents also as they take pride in my achievements the older i grow. And no matter how old i grow, to my parents i would still be a kid!
Anniversary marks the day i got married to my better half with whom i chose to spend my entire life. The day i got hitched changed a part of my life as i knew it and took me down a new path which was exciting and a bit unnerving. Yes, i would want to remember this day just so me and my husband can know that if not for this day we would not been able to start a new family of our own and continued our life journey.
BUT valentines day/ mothers day/ fathers day is so alien a concept to me. I mean, i tell my mom/ dad i love them everyday, when i give them a glass of water, when i buy them things they always wanted, when i take them to new places that i know they would enjoy, when i take care of them during their sickness, when we go out together and create wonderful memories.
And when my husband hugs me whenever i am down, when i cry for no sane reason, messages me that he loves me everyday before leaving for his office, and before starting for home, tells me that i cook the wonderful food in the world, buys me jewelery which i like just coz he got a bonus, and tells me that he cant imagine living in a world without me through his actions every single day, i feel loved and feel i am the Queen of my tiny little world!
When i do the above things on a daily basis, what am i supposed to do on Mother's/ Father's/ Valentine's day?
While I thought I shouldn't post this for fear of others judging me how one sided my argument and opinion is. But anyway I decided to go ahead and post it because I can write from my experience .
While I'm not sure whether one is fortunate or unfortunate in taking care of one's parents in old-age. But it definitely is one's choice.
K is settled in America with wife and kids. All accepted. It's K's choice and he's doing really well there. While K's parents are back in India taking care of themselves. This also accepted. Occasionally K's sister visits old parents and everything is taken care of.
Getting old and very sick old couple were unable to manage by themselves . So K and sister decide to put them in old-age home. It's not that K didn't try to take parents to America. All tried and tested they couldn't adjust in cold place. K was also unable to move back to India which is also okay.
Whenever we got a chance we visited old couple in that home. They were not accepting this new concept of old-age home . While they were happy we visited it also gave them an opportunity to cry a lot about being abandoned. I know they were taken care of in best possible way but it wasn't acceptable by them.
K's mom expired first and K came and finished all the formalities and went back. Within few months K's dad expired and now K made a choice to not come back for performing last rights for his dad for reasons better known to him.
Sorry but seeing a status from him about he missing his dad on Father's Day was something had me thinking didn't K miss the same dad few years back when he had to come down to see him one last time..
While God took care of all the formalities which had to be done after one leaves this planet how does one justify K's action? And his choice.
This is one such incident but not the case with everyone .
Merely posting a pic on a special day saying I miss my dad and mum doesn't justify the point of such celebrations.
You are right. K's action was incorrect not participating in the rituals of his dad. It wasn't even a choice and it was his duty to be present. He had committed a major sin in his life. But we are not in a position to understand whether he is not bothered or repenting his mistake everyday now. None of us has the ability to judge someone's mindset. We don't even understand our own mind well. Most importantly, we can't generalize one such instance to assume everyone living in the US or any foreign country away from the parents in India is a sinner. Nor every adult child living in India with the parents can be assumed as a good human being as I know many who live in the parents' place and treat them badly.
Everyday, many parents abandon their children in India. We have same level of orphanages in India as old age home.
Frankly, I believe right living can be practiced only by each one us. I can only transform myself not others.