What do you do when your husband ignores you?

ShrinkingViolet · Jun 25, 2009

I thought the world of my husband and our life was like a fairy tale. One fine day, last year, I had a huge fight with my inlaws and my husband was not supportive of me. It truly broke my heart and from then on we have been having trust issues. I have begun to feel insecure and we end up fighting on and off. Sometimes when we are happy it feels like we are back on track but other times I feel that our relationship has been fractured and can never be repaired. I am still and will always be emotionally dependent on my husband but in recent times if he gets angry he just ignores me and does not talk to me at all. I remember in our intial days...I used to insist that he convince me etc but these days all I expect it at least he talk it out and reach a fair conclusion. By ignoring me completely, I feel really deperate! Since our kids are also small and need a lot of attention, I end up doing work and not being talked to. It makes me go nuts and I cannot help but feel why am I in this marriage if he does not want to take any positive steps in our relationship. Agreed, maybe there are times when I am at wrong but he can always talk about it. Not talking makes me feel really bad.

How do I deal with situation?

mlk2009 · Jun 25, 2009

Hi,
I can totally understand what you are saying. We are far far away from loved ones, the only person who is there for us is our dh, if he turns a blind eye towards us and ignores us, its terribly painful. My dh does that everytime we fight. If at all he speaks after 2-3 days, he talks like nothing happened and never tries to console me or even explain his side of the story and listen to side of the story to come to a conclusion and close the matter.

I was fed of waiting for him to come and these days, if he goes to the silent mode, I put my son to afternoon nap or night sleep and switch off tv, cell phone and unplug landline. When i do this, its his cue to get ready for some high voltage conversation. He just cant escape or evade it. he has to face me and face the problem and talk it out. So when we talk i try to put words like, love, care, affection, longlasting relationship, be there for each other etc etc here and there and try to make it a conversation rather than a blame game...

So by the end of the whole conversation, we will 99 % be hugging or watching tv happily .. my real life experience

all the best dear..

EeshaMS · Aug 13, 2009

Hi,

I know this is an old post. But I could not resist making a comment.

What I wold do when my husband ignores me is - Ignore him back in return. I learnt it through experience - when I tried to get my husbands attention a few times after a fight it worked eventually but it was assumed that I would take the initiative each time. Soon you realise that in the bargain the real issues get side-lined. It does not matter who is right or wrong - you find yourself apologizing always.

Until, one fine day I stopped... These are mind games and 2 can play. Its like who'll blink first.

First I would just ignore my husband but continue to do things for him... eventually I reduced that as well.. he had to talk to me if he needed anything... :crazy

Men are so used to being chased - they expect it always. A little taste of there own medicine can do wonders. But the trick is not to let them know how affected your are by it. Go on as if all is well.

Cheers

neha1 · Aug 13, 2009

initially my DH too used to play the 'silent treatment'.
and i used to be the one invariably going to him. we had so many adjustment issues in 2 months of my marriage. now,after 5 months i am no expert in marital issues but i can understand certain situations. thanks to my realisation :bonkand IL:bowdown.
now,i don't go to him but i do not play any mind games. i just speak out a sentence or two and let him know its just not done!!! and i tell him not to behave like that. after 2-3 times he is fine now. none of us play any mind games(till now atleast!!! touchwood...)
so,i would say just try talking it over. and make him realise that he can't just ignore you

my 2 cents :thumbsup
hope that helps....

neha S

bunnybumpx · Dec 6, 2011

hi my husband walked out on me last weekend and hasnt contacted me at all i am 5 1/2 months pregnant with his baby and have a son from a previous relationship we got married in june and we are now going through what i hope is just a bad patch can someone tell me what happened when they played his own game and ignored him i suppose what have i got to lose i already feel i have lost him :/ im so sad as we were meant to be together and we waited so longxx miss him so much x help someone please xx

godsgp · Dec 6, 2011

bunnybumpx
Your husband walking out on you when you are carrying his baby ,either is an extended and intensified level of the same 'passive aggressive' treatment that he was giving you earlier and just wants to accentuate that he has to be triumphant,whatever it takes OR he is certainly not caring and committed (this you have to figure out).
In either case you have to ensure that you keep yourself unaffected(at least you can try)by his behavior ,be a strong mummy and send positive (chemical )signals to that little life inside you.
And motherhood always makes one strong,stronger than we really think we are,isn't it!
Take care and All the very best:thumbsup