What A Wife Says......and Means

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by chatkara_tasty, May 31, 2006.

  1. chatkara_tasty

    chatkara_tasty Bronze IL'ite

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]:) WHAT A WIFE SAYS...AND MEANS:)
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: You want
    The wife means: You want
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: We need
    The wife means: I want
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: It's your decision
    The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Do what you want
    The wife means: You'll pay for this later
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: We need to talk
    The wife means: I need to complain
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Sure... go ahead
    The wife means: I don't want you to
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I'n not upset
    The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: You're ... so manly
    The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
    The wife means: I have flabby thighs.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
    The wife means: I want a new house.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I want new curtains.
    The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
    The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Hang the picture there
    The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I heard a noise
    The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Do you love me?
    The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: How much do you love me?
    The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
    The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Am I fat?
    The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
    The wife means: Just agree with me.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Are you listening to me?
    The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Yes
    The wife means: No
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: No
    The wife means: No
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Maybe
    The wife means: No
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I'm sorry
    The wife means: You'll be sorry
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
    The wife means: You better get used to it
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
    The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Was that the baby?
    The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I'm not yelling!
    The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In answer to the question "What's wrong?"[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: The same old thing.
    The wife means: Nothing.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Nothing.
    The wife means: Everything.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: Nothing, really.
    The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.
    [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
    The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
    [/FONT]
    --
    [/FONT]
     
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