Were Women Better Off In The Past

In my view i agree with chennai express post. Now a days women has to be an all rounder . Trust me even if she is not she is becoming an alrounder by seeing the neighbourhood. Man always take advantage of women . My husband talks low of me because i am not working right now . After being with him for few months i am thinking now i should never quit my job at any cost till i retire because the people are running after money . I know many dont agree with me but let me tell you some husbands respect you because of the money you contribute to the house holds.

I read some where that " Every relationship we have in our life is financial relationship". Did you observe the society 20 years back . I guess working women are very few when compared to now. This is 2018 and relationships are so money oriented( Husbands want a working wife ) . Imagine what would be the position after 20-30 years. I request all the girls who are reading my post to be financially independent ( even if you husband is good) so that we can live a life of our own.In the coming years definetely relationships will become more volatile and individuality will play a main role.

I am a family person and carrer is my second priority after marriage. I always thought of taking break while having kids and after marriage for some time because i have worked before in US and family is more important for me . To my suprise my H degrades very badly for not having a job . Now I realised how important it is for a women to be independent. I thought my husband will take care of me emotionally and financially for some time atleast but i understood i have to take care of myself and he doesnt do even a single work for me. He tells me to be independent in every thing . He wont even bring groceries . I have to remind him several times .Then i understood i should never ever rely on him for anything in my life .

Before my marriage I have seen guys who have asked their wives to resign their jobs nd take rest for some time after having 2 kids but surprisingly their wives never left their jobs. One lady told me to never leave my job and to hunt for job from day 1 . I asked her why she is taking so much of burden on her . She replied , how much ever household work you do you wont be recognized . Your work will be recognized only if you have earnings in your hand .In the early days of her marriage she said he never use to help her but after they had 2 kids its him who cooks the food and does most of the house hold . She said once dh reaches 40 with 2 kids he cant dominate us as we will be working and he will get used to the kids and wife atleast looking at the neighbourhood . Husbands learn a lot by seeing other families in the neighbourhood.

Other ladies who doesnt have jobs also earn through day care , beautician, music classes etc .Yes now a days women are expected to do both .We have no other option and i know its tough . House wives will never get recognition for their work. We should have some kind of income in our hands. According to the changing trends we also have to change ourselves to live in this modern society.

 

Interesting question....

I believe, women have more independence and allowed to act 'freely' than previous generations. i.e, our moms and grandma were worried about society, what would neighbors say, relatives say, if I do this? But, modern women fear no one and do as they please, it could vary with their age, place, education etc. Still, we have more freedom and men have to think twice about their action (or reaction of their spouse?).

Division of labor (household work sharing), keeping their money in separate bank account, girls night out etc are expected in present day marriage.

Women have upper hand in marriage life and it comes with consequences! Have to know when to use their empowerment and know when to be in silent mode...that is the secret of modern day marriage.

 

CE,

Love your bolder version, girl!

Man vs Woman clash has always been there. Then women were tied up in the name of XYZ n moral stories. Today also women are tied up, but today women are having more options and are in a better position to bargain or in the worst case scenario, walk out of marriages. Struggles is a second name for most women even to this day. If not all, at least most men definitely get better deals and they are the privileged lot.

Society is more accepting today; so my suggestion to women is excel yourselves, enjoy life as much as you can, don't worry, be happy but in this bargain, please don't lose your beautiful side that nature has bestowed upon you.

 

Women reached a higher level by going out but men still on the lower level of thinking and able to do only the earnings. Not able to extend their ability to work at home too. Luckily I have the father who looked at both sides and my h too know everything about it but don't do much bcz of his lazy nature and can do whenever required.

 

Women have it pretty much the same now or before and that is the constant pressure to prove ourselves that we are good at what we do . Earlier women had no financial independence and were confined to homes. Imagine living in a joint family and always having to keep up with their expectations to be perfect in cooking and housekeeping skills . Women those days couldn’t afford to be a slob in the home front and living in a joint family doubled that pressure . There was a division of labor which means women took care of household chores and men brought home the bacon but still those women didn’t have a time off or ME time or could take a break from their routine cooking and cleaning if they wished to . Having no financial freedom also meant putting up with abusive husbands and the society was not open to the concept of women walking out of unhealthy marriages .

Coming to this era , we now live in nuclear families so the pressure of ILs is a bit less and we don’t have to deal with them on a daily basis . The price we pay is double the work and stress which includes managing home front , running outside errands , being back to work immediately after having kids , raising kids and constant work pressure . And you could be a VP at work but no matter how successful we are at the work front , we still get judged by our cooking and housekeeping skills , its like for women ultimately everything boils down to that .We are still talking about breaking the glass ceiling in this century so there is that constant pressure of proving ourselves at work and that we are as good as the male counterparts . If you want to quit it all and stay home to raise kids , you will get stigmatized forever for giving it all up in your prime time .

The good thing is financially independent and educated woman can choose not to marry or not have kids or postpone kids for later years and also walk out of unhappy marriages . This privilege is something that the earlier generation never had . It’s that privilege to exercise our freedom is what gives us an added advantage .

 

Well said, dear.

 

CE- you and I are probably from different planets...ok, at least from different continents .
You have quite different notions (I don’t want to say wrong) about marriage, pregnancy etc.
I don’t think any generation (our or our grandma) had it easy but things have changed for better over time.
My grandmas never went to school but both of my grandfathers were college graduates, had very good jobs. My grandmas went away from home only when they had to go from parents home to in-laws and vice versa. They produced several offspring and ruled their DILs. Were they happy? Probably they were. Did they have enough say in their home? No because they’re ruled by their MILs until they themselves became MIL.
My mom started working before I was born. I grew up in a nuclear family. My parents hired help when I was little to take care of me and we always had maids. Was my mom happier than my grandmas? I would like to think so. Not only she had financial independence, she had more say in day to day running of her house. My dad might be an exception but he helped around the home and always asks my mom’s opinion on big decisions. She also grew up in city and had more exposure than my aunts so her opinions were sought by extended family as well.
My generation- well, I walked away from an abusive marriage, moved to a new country, married a foreigner... these are the perks my generation earned because the generations before me worked hard to bring somewhat equality to women.

You see a lot of pregnant women at work- have you ever thought that it might be their own choice? Not everyone works because they have to or there won’t be enough food on the table or their husband wants them to work. There are enough passionate people in this world. I worked until the last day during both pregnancies. My pregnancies were normal and had absolutely no reason to stay at home. There were days when I didn’t feel like going to work and I didn’t but except for a few days here and there, I rather enjoyed being at work, seeing people and moving around. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my children but at the same time I can’t be a SAHM. I just can’t, I need social interaction, the thrill of getting stuff done, intellectually stimulating work environment, and of course my financial independence. So, from a distance, it might seem that my life is so hectic, and I am always on the go, and poor thing should stay at home while husband earns...I am actually enjoying this phase. My chaotic life is my choice and there are plenty of women like me.
My husband and I always have been mindful spenders and can easily live off one salary but that’s not what drives us. Extra income is good but having it all is the best.