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Weird behavior of my husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by gouricocktail, Jan 6, 2012.

  1. gouricocktail

    gouricocktail Bronze IL'ite

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    Our marriage has lot of problems. Infact only problems. Ours is a love marriage. He is a south India and I am from Mumbai.

    My husband does not touch me at all. We fight but even when he is in a good mood, he does not touch me by himself. If I take the lead , I get a cold response. I think he just does not understand how to be romantic. He gives least importance to our sexual life. We married 11/2 years back and rarely have sex. The last time we had was 6 months back. I tried talking to him and he said "there are enough problems in my life and you are thinking about sex ?" i felt embarrassed talking about sex and asking him for sex but still I have told him my expectations and he makes me feel as if I am begging for sex. I know him for past 6 years (he never touched me even before marriage and I thought of him as a perfect gentleman).I have ALWAYS seen him worrying about something. He is of a sadistic kinds. eg. he will get very very angry because of traffic in India while he is driving in India. Every day morning his mood is completely off. This screws my day too. I spoke to him about his early morning mood swings and he said "give me a south Indian breakfast every morning and leave me alone for a while, I will be alright." He does not even touch my north Indian food at all. He hates it.
    He makes an ego issue out of everything. eg. if we go to mall and show him a good shirt then he does not even care to look at it. He may look but definitely wont buy anything of my choice. OR while parking our car if I show him a free spot he will never park at the spot I showed. There are many such small and silly incidents.
    Afterall I am a human being. If someone is just expecting things from you and in return you are not getting much then you become angry.
    My marriage is really in a very bad phase right now. We are good to each other once in 10-15 days. Most of the time we keep fighting. I would love to get divorced but being from an Indian society, it is not easy for me. I had hurt my parents while getting married to him , I can't hurt them anymore now.

    Is there any solution ?
     
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  2. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    i would suggest both of you go for yoga and meditation classes to get yor temper and mood swings under control first.
     
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  3. Ranjanakrishnan

    Ranjanakrishnan Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi I suggest you both to meet a sexalogist and have a counsil .
     
  4. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    How about marriage counseling. It should help.
     
  5. kiranavvari

    kiranavvari Gold IL'ite

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    Marriage counselling might help to some extent, but he may not agree for it. Still it would help you to have different insight of the problems. These kind of people may need long time to turn on, so if you want to save the relationship, you may have to gain lots and lots of patience. And, screaming, shouting, and crying may lead to even more tensions, the guy may shut himself completely away from you. I had a friend who was in similar situation, till the time she was fighting, there was no peace for her, once she stopped fighting, slowly things started to turn in favor of her, but very very slowly (at snail's pace).
     
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  6. Rama1966

    Rama1966 Senior IL'ite

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    I totally agree.... My life is somewhat similar to yours. Moody husband...Sadistic behaviour...On top of it ...Drowned in a sea of self pity...Fighting will not solve your problem. Either have the courage to go through divorce or be prepared to be very patient and hope that he would change...Maybe but very very slowly.... Sorry but I am living your life for 20 years now!!!
     
  7. karthikas

    karthikas Gold IL'ite

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    see friend........

    thr are some people like that.......to those people who ignore us we should explain him not by words but by action...dont suggest him anything....keep on preparing what he asks........dont get tensed........it only temporary thing.......after a couple of times if u ignore him.......he will understand........about sex ...if he starts changing after this excercise he will surely cum to u....

    all the best....

    all is well!!!!!!!!!!
     
  8. divyasselvan

    divyasselvan Silver IL'ite

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    Gouri,

    I am sorry for the state you are in..

    First of all, for some days forget that feelings and concentrate in bringing him back.. Preparing south indian food is not so difficult ... Get some help from neighbours and learn how to prepare..

    One definite way to bring him to your control is preparing delicious food.. also you make him fall for you and then he will ask for intercourse himself..

    Just try to be more understanding and see how you can help in resolving his issue..
    Some men just like their wife to trust them and understand them..
    so leave him in peace for some days (doesnt mean leave him and go for somedays).. just do as he say.. then he will change..

    all the best :)
     
  9. premabarani

    premabarani Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Gouri
    Try this way if u can/possible for u.A way to his heart is thru his stomach, so try to make his favoufite south Indian dishes( though it is extra burden for you).Don't talk or fight with him for a while. Just do all his favourites, but at the same time carry-on with your routine ,never expecting any opinion or appreciation from him. Just ignore him for some time,at the same time showing that still you love him, expecting nothing in return. Things can work in your favour surely but slowly. You must be patient.
    If you have a trustable close friend of him , Just give a hint & ask that person to find out what is bothering him.Dont't tell all the details to that person, it can turn against you.
    It may take days or monthes, but surely it will make him understand.

    Take care, Surely you will achieve it. You can & you will do it.
    Have a nice day.
    Prema Barani
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    first things first....you say this is love marriage...and this guy is this short tempered and upset all the time??? i mean he is not positive or upbeat (based on what Iread in your post)...what is it that made you love him...first of all???

    what are the qualities that he liked in you?? did both side parents agree for the wedding? what are the fights mostlya bout? did he ever ask you certain things to make him feel better??? like the south indian breakfast etc??

    if he is interested in south indian food, why not learn to make it and serve him his fav.food instead of pushing him to eat n like the north indian stuff?? some people get stressed out too quickly for them even breathing is a stressful exercise simple silly things sound very tiring for them....so first of all ask him what is his idea of a happy day??? try to do all those things one day..andsee what is his reaction.

    Last but not least..pls dont mind me saying this....SEX is going to be the last thing to worry about in your marriage. specially when you think he is a sadist or if you both are fighting 15 days out of 30. sex wont resolve the basic disagreements unless both are interested to patch up...

    pls try to figureout underlying root cause of his anger or temperment see if you can do anything to make the situation better...but if you think he has been this way all the while, I wonder how did you love this guy or marry him? (by the way how long were you both together before you got married?? I mean the courting period...how were those days? was he sweet n active and positive? or was he mostly reserved and would answer in mono syllables like yes no alright ok etc?
     
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