Hmmm... that was my essential question - is this the new normal. I wonder ... I am thinking maybe it is the mixing of modern wedding (website, bride/groom mostly in charge of the wedding) with the traditional part - some guests are invited by the parents ... Maybe this left no one way of thank you? But I have also read in Miss Manners columns about the thank-you's practice/habit disappearing.
I recently got to know that people give less money if it is a boy's wedding....meaning if you are invited by boy's parents.
I once took a gift to the wedding ( not relative) and the couple gave that ' oh hell, where do we keep this ' look. It's always been money since then. We also have combined family gifting and often hear mom say...' don't give anything,we already gave ' Once I gifted my husband's cousin's wife earrings when they visited us( we could not attend their wedding ) and got a scolding from mil saying ' I already gave her too much,why did you give'. There is a lot of hisaab kitaab of what they gave and what we gave in weddings.