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Wedding Gift Thank You Etiquette

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Rihana, Dec 7, 2019.

  1. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    The profuse and emotional talk you had with your friends was the implicit ThankYou thing for going to their child's wedding, and giving the gift. Some desi's might consider sending a Thank-you card as a belittling of your generosity. For those who are way too deep in western norms this could be harder to swallow.

    In eastern weddings we can "stretch" the food, as well as seating(s) to accommodate more people. Aunties always advice to get out to the dining area as soon as possible, so that the sambar/chutney items are not diluted with spicy-salted water and rice kanjee (kanjee is added to build back the body of the thing). Late arrivals who get in the 4th seating should expect a few "chef's surprises". Western weddings with RSVP would even have an exact count on the chickens, fish, beef, and pasta divides. No extra bodies can be accommodated easily.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2019
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  2. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    Thiss discussion is slowly getting to those- who are westerns, and we- who are eastern.
    Almost on the lines of English Medium vs 'local dialect' Medium (used to be a big thing back then) And no party was less brutal than the other- in fights of name calling and taunts.

    I don't think any of us are purely eastern or western, we all are amalgamation of eastern and western.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2019
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  3. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    The division of labor, starts before the bride and groom leave for honeymoon...and so do the fights :smile:
     
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  4. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    How much a thank-you card might mean to someone might vary from person to person...... for example here is a very Eastern Story:
    There are no conclusive closures to such laments. Thoughts of what had happind would bubble up and bother the brain now and then.... with lower and yet lower impact as time goes by, until we attend another wedding and renew the scheme.
     
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  5. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Expressing gratitude never goes out of style. At the very least, a thank you card acts as a receipt.

    Your friends may not have known about your gift. Imagine the embarrassment if they thanked someone for their gift when that person hadn't given one!

    Nothing wrong with being old-fashioned. If a "proper" invitation is not received, it's fair to assume the invitation was a mere formality and invitee is not expected to attend. Same as sending an invitation to an ex after the wedding.

    Perhaps you need to create a website where they can say thank you by checking a box. Then email them the password to access the site. :innocent:
    .
     
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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    I was talking about this with my mom the other day. She narrated the reception scene from her oldest sister’s wedding. My grandfather was in a high position at the time and the bridegroom’s family was from a modest background. Many people invited by my grandparents had brought lavish gifts to the reception and the bridegroom’s relatives promptly spirited these away before anyone could even see them. My grandparents were very embarrassed when the guests asked them how they liked the gifts later, as they didn’t even know who had given what. My new uncle was also mortified by his family’s behavior but those presents were never seen again.
    Ever since that time there has been a dedicated gift-receiving team at all the weddings on that side.
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    In our weddings there is no thanking done.

    Usually ,both the sides have a dinner/ lunch for their side guests( usually family ) which is the day before the actual wedding. The guests on this day usually give the gift which is usually money . It is called the 'nyuta'...and goes to the parents of the bride or bridegroom.

    People who are invited for the wedding but not the day before give their nyuta at the wedding / reception.

    All gifts are noted down and returned during the gifter's side events.

    No thank you....just nyuta lo nyuta do....
     
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  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Rihana, This is not surprising to me. This is the new normal.
    We were brought up with fewer access to materialistic things than the subsequent generations. So there was much more gratitude than what the younger generation has. I am not holding it against them and have learnt to expect fewer thankyou’s. It’s better that way and I am less bitter once a gift a given.
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    : ) I think it might be a case of daughter thought mom will thank the "aunty" guests. Or maybe the email did come and went to spam. (don't know why this part of the post shows up right-justified.)​

    This is quite common. : ) In fact, among my relatives, it is or was accepted practice that some of the gifts, mostly cash, from the bride's side didn't get sent over with the couple. The bride's parents kept them as part of the compensation for having financed the wedding. I can vaguely recall the pastel color or white envelopes with cash, and two gift-incharge aunties trying to decide how much cash to "remove" from some envelops before the bride took them with her to her new house.
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Same in my family's weddings years ago, and even now. But, if we are guests at a wedding that is not a relative's wedding, then we take the gift to the wedding, stand in line to greet the couple and give it to them. I try to get to this line quicker than to the food line. : )
     

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