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Wedding Gift Thank You Etiquette

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Rihana, Dec 7, 2019.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Earlier this year we were invited to an Indian wedding in the U.S. by the parents of the bride whom we've known for 18-20 years though we rarely meet in person. Grand wedding in a huge sprawling open space venue. As is common now, the young couple had a creative website for the wedding. The invitation was in the form of getting a password by email to view the website.

    A few weeks before the wedding, the website was updated with information about gifts and dress code. There were two electronic ways to give "cash" or "money" gifts and gift registry in couple of online stores. They requested no gifts to be brought to the venue (understandable). We chose the money option and sent a decent amount 10 days before the wedding. I think DH used Venmo or a similar well-known online app.

    After that long background, here is the question:
    We did not receive any acknowledgement from the couple and it's been 7-8 months now. Other than seeing the amount gone in our bank records, nothing. What is the current etiquette to thank people who give gifts via online registry or money apps like Venmo, PayPal? Is it too much to expect a thank you email mentioning the amount/gift? The couple only updated their website with a general "Thank you all for attending. Here are some pictures."

    I don't mind the absence of a thank you. We gifted more as the woman's parents are old friends of ours. I am more curious about the thank you etiquette that people in their late 20's to mid 30's now follow. Thanking guests for wedding gifts by email (or text or phone) is optional?
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  2. kkrish

    kkrish Finest Post Winner

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    I believe sending a thank you note it is not an option. It should be sent. When one can spend time informing people where and how to give them gifts, they sure should find time to say "thanks", at least just for attending their wedding.
    They should be taught that all their guests have given their precious gift, "time" to come and bless them.
    The parent should insist that their child send a thank you note.

    If, in the name of "we don't want to interfere in our children's lives", parents are not giving proper direction, lessons on etiquette, and basic courtesies, then it is a sad trend.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2019
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  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    I used PayPal for a wedding I attended last year for a similar acquaintance. The mom of the groom (my friend) sent me a thank you note with photos of the event a few days after the event. She also came home and gave me a saree as a gift from the newly weds. I believe she did that for all friends who attended.
     
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  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you notes should be sent for any gifts, whether cash or registry. I don’t mind it if the couple thanks us in person instead, but there needs to be some acknowledgement. The parents of the bride and groom should have told them this. According to Western etiquette you have up to a year after the wedding to send your notes, so don’t give up hope yet. :grimacing:
     
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana

    I have always received a personal letter from young couples addressed to us with "Thank You" prominently mentioned in the letter. They not only thanked for the gift but also for our time spent in the wedding. We are like God parents for one of our friend's daughter who always addressed us as mom and dad. She sent every milestone in her life up to now including moving to a new home, birth of a child, first birth day, etc. and needless to say that we not only send our best wishes but also a gift for every occasion.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    That's what I thought. Along with learning about goody bags/return gifts when they were young, and we taught them to write a thank you note for birthday and other gifts. I now remember, before evite days, the printed invitation card set came with thank you notes of similar themes.

    I am hoping my case got lost in mom thought daughter will thank, daughter thought mom will thank her friends. : ) Though of course, the bride and groom should be the ones to thank each guest, no matter who invited them.
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Actually now that you mention, I recall our friends called up a few days after the wedding and thanked us for coming. It was an emotional call as they recounted the before and after feelings... but our gift or gifts in general did not figure in the conversation.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    That's what I was thinking.. maybe the young woman will get around to it during the holidays. That makes me wonder why I/we still consider it the woman's job to write the thank-you's.

    I doubt they'll be sending out thank-you's so late. My feeling is that the thank you notes part of the wedding got lost in the mixing of Indian and Western traditions. Which brings up the question, in the filmi style weddings that now happen in India, do people bring gifts to the wedding venue and get the thank you ; ) at the venue or now there also it is registries and online gifting.
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    A personal letter is always nice to receive. I've gotten a few from young people though not on the occasion of their wedding. This woman does not know us well enough to write a personal letter, but a weekend spent in responding to all registry/Venmo gifts with a quick 'Thank you Aunty, Uncle..' would be nice.

    ============
    I am so relieved to know that I am not being old-fashioned. I thought my expectation of a thank you (so I know they did receive it) was similar to the previous generation in my side and my in-laws' too who will not go to a wedding if the appropriate people did not come in person to invite them. It can be so funny.. the entire household will start getting ready to go to the pre-wedding ceremonies, and the older person shows no signs of going anywhere... Then, it'll strike one of us that the invitation did not happen in person.. An urgent call is placed to the wedding family, and the mother/father or someone close to the bride/groom come running to invite in person. : )
     
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  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    My friend did thank me for the gift. She also made Son talk to me while she was here. I don’t know her kids at all. I only know her. Our husbands met for the first time that day. I wasn’t expecting anything from her son/bahu after the thank you note with pictures. In your case, the kid knows you, even if it is in passing. A quick note of thank you to the same email address that sent the Venmo gift is a proper courtesy. I think my friend also did it because she probably realized son won’t do it without her prodding.
     
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