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Want to stay separate because of MIL dominance

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by prakritikaul, Jun 26, 2007.

  1. prakritikaul

    prakritikaul New IL'ite

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    hi all,
    i have just registered to this site...i think frens u will b a gr8 help to me by giving an advice......
    Since i am new...i will start with my prob...
    the problem is same i.e., MIL...
    i have been married for the past 2 and half yrs. i have a son also.... bt till date never had a happy day at my in laws place....i changed myself a lot and tried to adjust bt all in vain... she wants to domiante...wat she has been doing since her time...
    now i want to stay seperate...what do you say.....:confused:
     
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  2. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

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    Re: hi.......

    Hi

    Welcome to IL community. patiently go thru all MIL threads and hope u may find a solution.

    Love &regards
    Lakshmi
     
  3. Anushiv

    Anushiv Senior IL'ite

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    Re: hi.......

    Hi prakriti,

    First, our warm welcome to u! I love this site mainly be'cos of this forum ' marriage/husband/in-laws'!
    Like u many of us here are also facing this problem.
    As sashmitaa said, read the previous posts...definitely it will be an eye-opener.
    If u want to have a nuclear family, discuss with ur husband ( pros & cons) & also with ur parents.
    Be'cos.. U should at least have one strong support behind u .
    Then, you can move ahead with confidence!

    All the best!:2thumbsup:
     
  4. Padmash

    Padmash Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: hi.......

    hi Prakriti,

    welcome to IL. u r going through same problem as most of the ladies. u try to get some changes in ur life if ur husband permits try for a job or try to do some work from home, Delhi we get so many work to do at home. i feel rarely anyone is happy at mil place, u have a son concentrate on ur son and plan for his future, u just be good to everyone and rest leave on God. To shift another place u have to be very areful while talking to ur husband in place like Delhi it's difficult to manage families at two places, it's difficult to convince him until he himself realizes.

    padma
     
  5. reeja

    reeja New IL'ite

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    Re: hi.......

    Hi Prakirti,
    Once again welcome to this world of IL. I think you have a reason for relief- your son. May be this is your first blow in life facing a situation so bad. It doesn't mean that good days aren't ahead! You are not alone in this clan, half of the i ndian women go through it. As Padma wrote, think clearly before you make any wrong move.These are very sensitive issues, if your husband's priority lies with his parental family. Talk to him without straining any relationship- but be extra careful before driving the idea to him! If you feel at least 60% of things are on your side, go ahead with moving out. Otherwise, wait patiently till the right time comes.
    Wish you all happiness,
    Reeja
     
  6. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: hi.......

    hi Prakriti,
    Just try to divert your mind. WHen you don't like somebody, even little things looks much bigger. Just avoid her from your mind. Try to be happy in life. Read the thread 'Golden rules for women' and try to follow.
    Just by separation you won't be solving any problems.

    Take care,
    Punitha
     
  7. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: hi.......

    Welcome to IL.
    You aren't the only one to face such problems after the marriage. You should deal the problems with your heart and mind.
    See to it that your son is not affected by anything going on in the house, till he is able to understand, by himself.
    Be patient and have faith in God. Regarding the nuclear family, think about the pros and cons of it and weigh it.
    As other ILites have said please refer to various threads under this post and decide.
    Don't take any decisions when you are emotional.
    take care
    sriniketan
     
  8. lalithasai

    lalithasai Senior IL'ite

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    Re: hi.......

    Hi,

    Most ladies go through this. Like Puni said, your prob may not get resolved by going seperate. Annoying MIL's will follow you where ever you go. There is no way out from them until you start ignoring and diverting your attention to doing things that you like and staying in touch with people you like.

    All the best.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. ayeshanaaz

    ayeshanaaz Junior IL'ite

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    Hi Prakriti,

    I am also facing the exact problem as urs.

    Since me & my MIL both are LEO's, u can imagine the fight for dominance..........lol.

    but my husband is the only son and she is a widow, sooo no other option than staying and tolerating her. that is what I have bee doing all these 2 and half years of my marraige.

    Just think!!!! there are many many advantages if u r staying with ur MIL and especially if u r working (like me). My MIL has taken over the entire responsibility of my 5 month old son, when I am away I am just relaxed with the feeling that my son is in safe & experienced hands. Also she cooks the lunch as I am away to office.

    All these years I also planned to somehow get seperated from her, but not now, as I know her worth now. Now I am also allowing her to dominate a little until it does not interfere with my living.

    U know just give a little importance to ur MIL in some small household issues, she will be more than glad, I hope u understand(just to keep her ego high),

    regards
    Ayesha
     
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  10. Dewdrop

    Dewdrop Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    Nowadays most women are so impatient & stubborn , that they don't want anyone telling them what to do . Within 2 - 3 yrs. of marriage, they are fed up of their MIL !! They expect MIL to be same way as their mother was with them ........ whether you listen or not, a mother will advise & still keep pouring her love on you unconditionally. How can a MIL be so loving / understanding in such a short time !! Any relationship needs nurturing & time to develop in a wholesome manner .... being unwilling to adjust to minor issues & in some cases, having a bias against MIL even before living with her is all to blame. The first five years at least of a marriage are the crucial ones ... which need lot of attention, forgiveness as not just the DIL but also the hubby & MIL are getting used to a totally new person, enjoying the prime position in the household. They form the very foundation of the entire family's relationship with other relations / friends / kids etc.

    Living separately will destroy the basic loving relationship between the hubby & his mum. Won't he miss her ?? Won't the lonely , elderly lady want to be with her son & his family during her last years ? Give it some more years, meanwhile trying to be more considerate in your words / actions . However gem of a DIL she may be, a MIL is also a woman ---- she will not easily appreciate & accept her DIL . But with time, she will also definitely soften & understand .
    A wise woman will be like a willow, allowing the wind to gently bow her branches down , now & then -- but being firmly rooted in the ground. The challenge is in knowing which wind is just a breeze & which is a storm to be faced head on, without bending !!

    Good luck to all you ladies out there ........ be happy always :2thumbsup: ; life is too short anyway, to fill up the days with arguments, fights & sour memories.

    Absolutely no intention to hurt anybody's feelings ... just penned down my thoughts,
    Lovingly,
    Dew.
     
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