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Want A Little Freedom In Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SaiNiharika, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. SaiNiharika

    SaiNiharika Bronze IL'ite

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    Good Day to All,
    I want to share my problem to know the better solution to handle the problem. My problem is not a very big not an ignorable issue. A sensitive problem. From childhood i grown up a little freedom to spend money for my own. Due to some reasons my parents did marriage to my realtive not nearest relative because he is good.My brother died so my parents worried am only daughter and want to do maarige to known person. My husband is not too bad but cares money than persons. After marrige i have started doing job. he used to give rs 150 per week. My salary is in my account he also did not spend for him. If i asks he said it is for back up for future use. He purchases less number of dresses for me and him self also. He iwll not allow to do do shoping o fmy own. He fills my bike with petrol . In every purchase he involves and trying to go for low budget things. But in food he allows to eat all no restrictions. But remaining all with restrictions. He even involves to change bedsheets in home. We have to change bedsheet onl when he accepts. No more freedom for me. I fighted and asked him to give atleast 1000 rs amonth. he accepted but on First day of every moth again i have to beg fight for 1000. If i asked any with high tone he felt it is bad am not listining his words and becames sad and serious and spoils my day with hurting me. He hepls me work in home and expects same forom me.But my helath became week to do all types of work. I have asthma Bt in winter he expects to go for tours and all. Also his behavious is that if any one of our souurandings assigns him a work he felt lot of burden on him and asks me to helo him.He is honest person but not cappapibe to handle any unkown works so asks me to help.I becam tied to do office work house hold and my kid work, How to change tim how to make him to understand i need some freedom for my personal. How to boost him that he can tackle nkonw works also. How to made him to give importance to persons than the objects. If i / he any one skids from bike he didi not bother about him/us bothers about bike it hurts me alot. Please help me to change his menatlity
     
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  2. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Why would you beg him for 1000 rs a month when you are working and you said your salary is in your own account????
    Use your money to buy what you want dont beg!!!
    If he is spending for household expenses means your sal you are saving probably for future.
    Take a certain amount for your own expenses and rest of your salary save it.
    Some people are miser with spending money thats thwir character you cantcchange.

    You can either talk to him and convince him that you both will save certain percentage of salaries for future and rest you will spend as per needs. Tell that you will be responsible with the money.
    Learn to say no when you are too tired to help.
     
  3. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband must have come up from a poverty ridden life or it could be his own nature. If you don't have any major financial problems, be assertive and convince him that money is just not for the future but to enjoy the present too. What is the use of living a life of struggle and then leave behind a huge property for the children? Achieving a balance is the key. Since you are a working woman, you have to spend some money on your dresses, up keep and such other needs. Too much of suppression, anger, resentment and depravation can make your asthma worse as your mind controls your body. Be bold and without resorting to begging, pleading or crying, talk to him about your botherations and the need for some freedom. He may get upset for a while but will eventually understand that in a marriage such suffocating controls will be counter productive.

    Be bold and work towards a mutually beneficial arrangement.
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have had this experience . So from then on I tried to change my tone and speak to my DH calmly ..

    And since you are working Why don’t you spend some money for atleast yourself when you are working ? If he restricts even for your money then it’s too much . Tell him that life is not only eating or saving need to enjoy to some extent too!
     
    GeetaKashyap and nakshatra1 like this.
  5. SaiNiharika

    SaiNiharika Bronze IL'ite

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    As per only eating different food is enjoying and remaning all are luxury. If I asks me repetdly our relation is getting worse. He mailtains seriousness. My parents became sensitive because of my brother death they kept all hopes on me. If he is serious and made our relation serious they felt bad. I don't like it. I want to solve this with any cool idea .Please help me.
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Seems your H is not a bad person, but a person with poor financial management.
    He needs support from you, just like in any other matters. Perhaps, financial management is something an unknown area for him.

    The best way of managing couple's finance as far as my experience is this:-

    You take 50% of yours and 50% of your H's salary to a joint account for the family (the % may differ depending on your salary. This is just an example. Perhaps 60:40 or 70-:30 or whatever)
    and allow either your H or both of you to control the family expenses. If your H can save something out of it every month, it is great. He can save it for the future.

    The remaining % of each of your salary can stay at your individual account. Should your H wish to save them by not enjoying a decent/happy life (meaning not buying cloths, enjoying on anything etc), then that is his wish. Some people are wired that way, and are happy that way.
    He can save them along with the joint family money for the future.

    In the meantime, you are left with some % of your remaining salary too. You can decide whether to use them up for your luxury needs or consume only a certain amount for what you think is basic/unavoidable need and let the remaining accumulate in the bank as a form of saving. Once in a while, you may share the lumpsum to the family's joint saving along with your H's savings.

    This way, each of you get the sense of financial freedom and ultimately some saving for the future.
    This way, you may lead a convenient happy life with no resentment, plus can ensure your H gets to save and have some contribution from your end for his savings. So, he too would be happy.

    Sit down with your H and plan accordingly
     
  7. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    It feels bad when you earn but you still lack financial freedom.....pls talk frankly with your husband and explain him your concern....Tell him that if he imposes so much of restriction then you have no other choice but to stop earning......he will get you right there ....My best wishes to you.....A working woman should be a strong woman.....Money has power....pls do not forget your worth.....you have spent so many years in education and also working not to live a miserable life......Take ownership my friend....And love, respect and make yourself a priority
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  8. SaiNiharika

    SaiNiharika Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for the replies. Not only in the financial matter he took over response on every thing. Even he decides which bath towel we all used every week. What we have to do in weekends from minor things to major things he will decide and he will do help in all things
     
  9. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Well .....you take charge of your life by showing resentment......It always need not be his way.....Tell me that you would like to take control of your life and you do not want your life to be micro managed......Tell him that you like your independence aboce everything and ask him to give you the liberty......with liberty comes responsibility.....Once you get the much desired freedom you will be fully charged to take control abd be responsible
     
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  10. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    One option, tried to get a credit card? Would that solve the problem in purchasing like dress? Since the account in your name, can you withdraw the amount by yourself?

    Just ignore him, do what you like to do. Let him 'talk' in the background, don't respond to him / react to him.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2018
    shravs3 likes this.

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