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Visiting Mil's Relatives - Not Interested

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by soni1987, Nov 9, 2016.

  1. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    I am posting after a long time, as most of my issues were solved or RIP.

    As you know, I had few issues with my DH previously, now we are in good relation, no fighting on petty things and he no longer goes with his friends anywhere. Even if does, with my consent... I am Not thinking about it too much... love being myself, looking after my son & working.

    Coming to my issue now...
    My MIL & I don't get along very well! Last time before 3 yrs me, DH, DS along with MIL went to MIL's sister house. My "MIL's sister is old and cannot travel so we have to go there and visit" but i don't find her that much old, anyways...

    MIL's sister have a DIL who is good by nature... but little cunning & has a teasing tone for everything. From the time we entered the house, My MIL is praising her like hell.. to make me feel bad & low in front of her... As she is soo good and my sister is lucky to have you as DIL etc etc ... ( I didnt give a damn):sleeping1:

    Still next day MIL busted at me for very petty reason and took out all her inner anger in front of everyone.. All got stunt including me for this reaction... :yikes:My DH was not present at that moment... (Even in his presence she make such dramas)... I started crying and everyone got the sympathetic corner for me & all her drama went in vain... But she insulted me in a very bad manner... told i m not good DIL, came into the family to break it, ab shogun etc.:hollering:

    Now again after 3 yrs she wants to go to meet her Sister. I told my DH to send her with my SIL we can pay for all their expenses... even pay more, but she insist her sister want to see my son.:shakehead:

    DH not ready to take my son alone with me... he insist me to come again... also it is not possible to visit and come back same day.. its very far and we have to stay for atleast 1 night to come back.. keeping my MIL there & me and DH staying in hotel also not good idea.:BangHead:

    Please help me how to convince my DH that i dont want to go again there to get insulted...
     
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  2. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Simply tell him about the drama which happened last time, and tell that you prefer not to go this time to save yourself from the drama. Put your foot down and deny to go....as simple as this...you are not a child whom they can take with them forcefully...
     
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  3. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @soni1987- Tell them you have work and something very important has to be dealt at work. You can't take leave on that day.
    or
    If it's a weekend... fake being sick. Send your DH to make the trip alone with DS.
    or
    Be very honest and openly tell you were insulted, hurt. Going back there will only mean revoking bad things in your current life.
     
  4. lalsang123

    lalsang123 Bronze IL'ite

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    I think it is better to tell your husband whatever happened last time when you all went there.. Be frank with him.. You tell him that you were really very much hurt by the words of your MIL.. Try to be stubborn.. If your husband doesnot listen you just cry out in front of him and because of the tears in your eyes he may agree to it..If your MIL comes to you and starts compelling you to come there just tell her bluntly that you are interested in coming and that you have many other jobs to finish..
     
  5. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    If I were you I would have my DH and MIL in the living room with me and tell my DH everything that happened in the last visit and ask DH and MIL to guarantee that there wont be any drama again. And then tell them that I need time and space to take a call. I would also make it very clear that if this time any dramas happen this would be the last visit and if someone wants to see the kids, tell them to use technology or let them take the pains and bear the fares of travelling.

    No one will shield your self respect if you don't take the first step to shield it.
     
  6. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks, all of you for pouring your thoughts & suggestions.

    We are living abroad and going for a vacation in India. The visit to MIL sister will be based on that time. Also, MIL sister is living in the different city from our house in India. My husband knows all the details of the drama & fights. MIL was sorry for the things she said & did after a few days of what happened.

    But i don't believe them, each time they create a fuss in front of family members MIL & SIL both are same. He assures me each time that nothing will go wrong & this time everything will be controlled.

    Recently we bought a new house by selling an old one, in which my MIL was living. She will shift for rent for time being, will buy a new house for her as soon as the finacial situation is under control.

    She don't wants to shift to our new house as it is a different side of the city and wants to be where she has lived for many years... & I am happy as she won't be living with us once we are back from abroad permanently.

    But I am sure she is not happy as we bought new house & sold the old one....Already she is worried & cries everyday for this matter..
    Note: Rent & all the shifting process will be done by us...
     
  7. Tharun1985

    Tharun1985 Bronze IL'ite

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    Have a nice trip....
     

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