Visiting inlaws

shilpases · Dec 6, 2011

My husband and I stay about 3 hours away from my in laws. Its been about a year and a half since we got married. and after marriage I moved to the US. I have not gone back to visit my family although I really want to. I was supposed to go visit my parents in the winter break from college that is now but that did happen because my FIL said that there is no reason for me to go to India now. He is actually a very nice person but because he sain dont go to India I felt upset about it. in this 1.5 years that i came here my FIL went to India twice and MIL once. Apparently they had good reason. But I dont. Does anyone think I am getting upset over nothing here? and also my husband thinks that I should go stay with his parents to help them out for 2 weeks now that I have vacation from college. I really dont want to do that . they may be the nicest people but I dont like going there that much . we visit them every month. I want to be at my apartment in my vacation. what do I tell him that will make me stay back here.

ars · Dec 6, 2011

Why did your fil say that. Is money the issue. Can't your h and you afford to buy a ticket to India. Do you have borrow on credit card for ticket. If these are the reasons than I can understand. Even than your fil cannot decide for you all he can do is advice not to borrow on credit card.
Since you are not going, focus on your classes.
Coming to not visiting inlaws for 2 weeks you can tell your h you want to catch up on your work in the apartment and spend some quality time with him. Make sure he is surprised every night for two weeks when he walks in the front door.

shilpases · Dec 6, 2011

Thanks for replying so fast
Well Money is not the issue. He said that there is no good reason for me to go there now and that i should not go. I dont like to argue with them so I did not say anything. But it really upset me. And visiting in laws I told my husband everything I can ..like I want to spend more time with him. try out new dishes, organise stuff around the apartment, but he thinks that it is improtant for me to spend time with his family. I am really on my best behaviour when I go there. always waiting to help my inlaws in everything from cooking to serving the food to cleaning the house. but my husband thinks that I shoud go now that I have vacations. I really want to be here.

ars · Dec 6, 2011

I can understand what your h means. He wants you to bond with your il's one on one. What is really the reason that you don't want to go. Are you scared of being alone with them. If so, what makes you get that feeling?
Otherwise if they are nice people with a big mouth to make decisions for you. Just over look that for now.
Go spend some time with them and relax. But make sure you are verbal gently. Don't shake your head for everything. Show them you are a young confident person not submissive or not arrogant.

shilpases · Dec 6, 2011

Well I am going to go. the thing is i feel like i dont have a choice but have to go. i dont want it to be like that. you know its like he wants me to go and i dont have a say in it. Its always like that.

ars · Dec 6, 2011

Don't think so negative about your h. You are in a far better of position than most. You have been here only for a year and half. Already you are registered in classes to upgrade your education. Always look as glass as half full.

lathakishore · Dec 6, 2011

hi, i almost understand you and situation, you took right ddecision as it is early time to your marriage, but tell your husband that you aregoing because of him, as "i respect your word e ven though its not much comfortable to me".it will add value when you plan to go to india......atleast he will consider your thoughts

cheers
latha

shilpases · Dec 6, 2011

thanks for the advice ..really helps a lot

riyagan · Dec 8, 2011

u have to go wherever u want whenever u need... you are the decision maker. you can consider reasonable reasons of your hubby... BUT your inlaws have no say on this. period! someone told that they can only advise u..not tell u.. i say, they hav done that more then enuf to their sons... no more unsolitary advises needed from any inlaw on this earth..they themself need advises a whole lot. so, practically, the thing is ur fil will see if u respect him by following his words more than he wud bother whether u go or not. older ppl ego is stinkier than anything. watchout. (sorry, whnever i think of inlaws that reminds me of mine, so the hateful words)