Virtual Relationship taken over the REAL

sad....with the growth of technology and availbility of internet at affordable prices help increase such kind of relationship.

Father of 2 teen daughters doing such kinds of things is totally disgusting. For you, please ask him to look for job in chennai only. Family is more important than money. I guess even your daughters will make out what is going on between both of you.

What is he teaching to your kids!! Is loneliness is the issue for him only?? you were also away from H..does that mean you also can have such things......

Be bold. Tell him that if he is not going to cut such kind of relationships (as he still sends kiss and hugs) and come to chennai then you will walk out of relationship. Your daughter will finish her studies in 2years, so financially wont be problem atall.

PS- If possible forward all messages, chats (where he agreed to have relationship) to your ID.

 

Dear Nerunchi

It is soooooo easy to get hooked on to the virtual world ...especially when one is lonely and bored, and the line between virtual and real can converge if things are not kept in proper perspective and balance. People think virtual relationships are harmless fun but it can soon become a replacement for real life..many times unknowingly...and those who are hooked to it do not realise the hurt they are causing to the real life relationships. It is easy for us to convince that flirting on the net is harmless because it is just a computer and not in real but we forget that although the computer is an interface, the person at the other end of the computer is real...the emotions are real...the way the other person perceives our words are real. There is nothing "virtual"...everything is real....the relationship too is real. Technology is only good as the people that use it...some use it with responsibility ...others not so.

Your DH must have probably convinced himself that it is all harmless flirting (virtual kisses/hugs that your husband sent his friends) and nothing would come out of it because he is in a committed relationship with you...
but when red flags and caution signs are already popping up in your mind, about the way your DH has compartmentalized his real and virtual lives and has kept his virtual friends a secret from you... it is time you take control of the situation instead of entertaining foolish thoughts such as suicide.


Your DH must be thinking what you dont know wont hurt you but now you know. Call him back for a visit for few days...talk to your husband calmly...(for all you know his visiting the virtual friends could be innocent...like we both get to know here in indusladies and next time i am in town lets meet up kind of thing ....are all his friends women? /didnt he make any male friends in the forums he visited?)..
let him know how hurt you are..tell him how he would feel if the situation was reversed... if you had been the one talking to other men online... you were lonely too... make him understand that your relationship is a very high price to pay for fighting his boredom. Take a break...go on a holiday...just the two of you. When he goes back...living away doesnt mean you cannot have fun with each other...dont be subtle... go all out and be romantic...send virtual kisses and cards yourself... whatever attention he seeks in other women...let him get it from you. Dont give up on your marriage just yet...dont focus on the hurt and betrayal...instead focus on how to get him back on track and i am sure you will be alright.

 

Dear,
Dont be upset over this. Make him understand where he stands in life. He has greater responsibilities in life and that what will happen if some virtual friend turns up and says some lie in front of others.

There are many real-life stories how this virtual world is killing real-life relationships. Many magazines have spoke on the subject with real-life stories. I am not making u feel afraid. I just want you to make your husband understand this.

Make him understand that whatever he does on the net is just like a game and the honesty of the virtual relationships can never be trusted 100%. A man can act like a girl on the net and vice versa. The details of the person can be lied. Ask him what if the net friends are just trying to make money and receive gifts from him speaking in a very good manner.

Or in the worst case u can act as a new net friend and talk sweetly and take over so that he doesnt go after others for a while. Later(after a few months) u can tell him that u r already married and just acted as a good one. Then again create another Id and make him ur close net friend and after a few days and make him feel very friendly and later tell him that u already have a boy friend after a few months or you are going to marry some other person. If u act as a cheater three or four times, he will realise that net friends are not to be believed. But never reveal that those user-ids were you. May be this treatment might work. I dont know how good this is. But think over it well and then begin your act.

 

may be give this man one last chance..only for the reason that.....when he is alone its very very possible in the current tech world to fall into such traps.....depends on how committed the person is......women also fall for traps but depends on how strong they are....

CALL HIM BACK....tell him enough of he living separately and you guys saving for your kids education etc...if money is so important, it has come toan extent of your kids loosing their own father.....so better father comes back and lives with teh family and starts taking up responsibility....a mans duty is not just to earn and save for the family right?? enough of these living separate situations.

if money is so tight, you pick up another job and save....may be this is one type of lesson also some times we have to choose whats imp for us...money/relationships.

may be your husband also lived separately initially for the sake of giving a better life to his family n kids...but eventually you know where it is leading to..if you dont stop it now and if you dont call him back now, it becomes tough to make him understand anyo f these.....i mean eventually he would prefer to live single rathe rthan with a family where his movements will be watched or where he wont have privacy at all. so think about it. do whats needed..and do it now...now

 

Your Hubby is going through andropause , middle aged males try to feel youthful and desirable and get into weird relationships , even internet ones. At least you got to know since he is using his own id , people can make so many accounts with fake ids.
He will come back to his senses after a few years when he gets his fill but it can be tough to tolerate .Hope he is not spending real money on virtual friends !
Such selfish men dont care for kids , family , its just their own gratification.
Tell him that you dont like his behaviour , and its influencing family life.
Staying together may help but internet is everywhere.
Pay him a visit and get to know about his activities.
He is leading a bachelors life and enjoying it.

Money is not everything.

 

Dear mam,
you can initiate legal action against him for this sort of adultery.
infact evidences are very strong in this type of Virtul adultery
But think twice, take proper advice and proceed.
Best wishes

 

Hi

Your hubby is all alone and free to do anything. These distractions are common. But this cannot become his real pass time. He has major responsibilities, a caring wife who is ready to share her love all the time. Husband and wife become real good friends in life and there cannot be anything hidden between them.

Have you confronted with him for anything before and how he reacts ? Unless he realizes what he is doing is not right, its very difficult to change him. Ask him what is his future plan ? How long are we going to live alone like this. Have a open conversation.

Good luck !

 

Hello mam,

I have also undergone a similar situation, ( in my case it is not internet but mobile). My suggessions are ..

1. Go for a open conversation / talk -- make him to understand the committment/agreement that u guies had when both of you got married. the promisses that he made.

2. make him to understand that if he is not going to hear for you, that no family.. in future.. which will affect daughter's future as well.

3. tell him that you will escalate this issue to all of his friends and family and ask for justification.

4. threaten him that if he not going to agree with you , then u will ask for a huge compensation ( on the financial front).

All I am saying is threaten him psycologically, financially and morale etc.

all the best for you. but please never give up.

as suggested by some body .. you should try for a job. earn for your bread.

being girls they will undersatand your problem very well ..

don't worry .. keep going. If time permits update here. it will be of a great lession for all.
with best wishes .. J111

 

Sometimes people start these virtual relationships as a pass time and after some time it becomes more than pass time. I know, because it happened to me. I was going through some serious issues in my own marriage at that time and one day I ended up on one of those social sites and I met a guy from another country far from mine. It then became a habit that we would meet up online everyday at particular times and chat. We were comfortable to talk to each other about everything under the sun because we saw no harm in it as we were halfway across the world from each other. After some months passed we knew more about each other than what our own husband and wife knew about us. After months of spending time with each other online, we ended up having feelings of love for each other. We would have skype conversations and even call on phone. We went on like this for some years but we never forsake our marriages and responsibility. It felt like we filled a void that was there in each of our lives. This is just my experience so I can tell you that sometimes it is not all just pass time.