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Very upsetting update from my side

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by TheUnhappyWife, Oct 8, 2014.

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  1. Oct 8, 2014 #1
    TheUnhappyWife

    TheUnhappyWife Silver IL'ite

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    I have an update to share with you all. Finally, I have come to the following conclusions about my married life:
    1.) My husband doesn't care for me. Love is a distant possibility
    2.) He has no intent or desire to have a child with me
    3.) He will always side with his family and relatives. He is not disrespectful to my relatives or family but then that is because my family members don't exist for him. Irrespective of whether someone died or someone got married, he didn't have the courtesy to call anyone.
    4.) He is still very pally pally with his money-laundering relative. This last thing is absolutely unacceptable to me because integrity is of utmost importance to me.

    I came back to India after I realised my husband was just treating me like a cook abroad. He will also come back to India soon but to his hometown to spend time with his parents. It has depressed me no end.

    What should I do ? Is there any hope now ? While I could trudge along for some more time if it were only points 1 and 2, but the fact that he still is so lovey-dovey with his money-laundering relative is really making me feel that my principles and what I stand for are of no worth for my husband.
     
    TheUnhappyWife, Oct 8, 2014
    TheUnhappyWife, Oct 8, 2014
    #1
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  2. Oct 8, 2014 #2
    gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    There are times when you may have to take rest from your battles to come back stronger.As of now, your enemy (UIL) is much stronger than you. he has the influence over your husband and PILs. I think you should wait it out - get the bond with your husband a little more stronger.Understand him, let HIM get to know you..Once your bond is stronger, then you can tacke the UIL(if he is around). right now, take a break - patch things up with your husband and come back stronger.
     
    gauridinesh, Oct 8, 2014
    gauridinesh, Oct 8, 2014
    #2
    1 person likes this.
  3. Oct 8, 2014 #3
    tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    You don't know what to do? Come on....
     
    tashidelek2002, Oct 8, 2014
    tashidelek2002, Oct 8, 2014
    #3
  4. Oct 8, 2014 #4
    nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    Wait for sometime. Have a cooling off period. Concentrate on pleasant things as much as possible believing "everything happens for best". The answer to "what to do next" will pop into your mind of its own accord. Follow that intuition.
     
    nandita24, Oct 8, 2014
    nandita24, Oct 8, 2014
    #4
  5. Oct 8, 2014 #5
    dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    Do you really think your Husband will come around? If the answer is yes then waiting is an option but if you have a slightest doubt on that then i think waiting will not be worth it.
     
    dsmenon, Oct 8, 2014
    dsmenon, Oct 8, 2014
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  6. Oct 9, 2014 #6
    TheUnhappyWife

    TheUnhappyWife Silver IL'ite

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    My DH probably believes in the maxim 'In my family alone I trust, rest all must bring data to the table'. So, if I am able to prove that this uncle of his is an utterly selfish person 'exploiting' his own nephews and he is not really an altruistic which he mistakenly purports him to be, he will come around. The issue is that it is quite hard to prove it. Yes, I am not 'family' to my DH.
     
    TheUnhappyWife, Oct 9, 2014
    TheUnhappyWife, Oct 9, 2014
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  7. Oct 9, 2014 #7
    dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    In my opinion, in a relationship if you have to prove yourself it is not worth it. It is you who has to make a decision. But if i were you, i would not continue with this relationship. A husband who does not trusts you or do not consider you as "family" it is not worth giving him a chance, JMO.
     
    dsmenon, Oct 9, 2014
    dsmenon, Oct 9, 2014
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  8. Oct 9, 2014 #8
    Shina

    Shina Gold IL'ite

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    Hey really sad to hear this.you are very unhappy and that should be the deciding factor. Uncles issue is not worth separating for imo but the fact that he does not care for u or love u is.

    If he does not love u or want a family why should u waste ur life on him? Please suggest what is making u stay in this marriage ? Is it because of a possibility that he will come around? How likely do u think that is? Make a decision based on it. If the possibility is very low then dont waste ur time and seriously consider separation. As waiting longer will make u more stuck into this marriage because moving on will become more difficult as u invest more years into this marriage i feel.
     
    Shina, Oct 9, 2014
    Shina, Oct 9, 2014
    #8
  9. Oct 10, 2014 #9
    TheUnhappyWife

    TheUnhappyWife Silver IL'ite

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    It is because of a hope. Even I don't want to waste my life on a person who does not even want a baby with me. But before calling it quits, I need to understand who has some hidden agenda behind it. Is the UIL or someone else who eyes his money behind this decision of my husband to postpone kids for eternity ?

    When I said 'prove' I meant that I have to prove about that evil UIL and not about myself. I am what I am and my DH knows it though concentrates more on my negative aspects rather than positive. But the proving part is for that other person.

    I do believe if we keep on giving up a relationship like marriage before having done all due diligence and pulling out all stops, there would be no sanctity of this institution. Therefore, I need to be absolutely sure about the reasons for my husband's behaviour. As of date, he is my husband, and I shouldn't be leaving him with evil people around him eyeing only his bank balance.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2014
    TheUnhappyWife, Oct 10, 2014
    TheUnhappyWife, Oct 10, 2014
    #9
  10. Oct 10, 2014 #10
    SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    If I were you, my utmost important problem in this marriage would be the pont - 01, then of course point -02. I would be least bothered about point-03 when the foundation of my marriage is shaking. However, once things have fallen into the right place, I would definitely keep an eye about point-03. This time, my loving, caring husband will listen to my advice. Because he would do that for his loving wife, and the kid of him (Given point 01 and point 02 are solved already). This way, a marriage life will be happier as always even though evil in laws or uncles do remain the same.

    Work on how to bring back love in your marriage. Which is the most important aspect.
    Love your husband for who he is... Care for him, not his money or other properties.. But his wishes, interest and the way of his life. Do not expect him to change immediately after the marriage. It will only lead for disappointments.

    When you keep on having an eye on his expenses, and where he sends money, who comes to lend money from him and all... He will slowly lose trust in you. Instead of identifying his money minded relatives, he would suspect you as a person after his money. So, stop talking about it.

    Your husband's love, care, trust, respect and a family life with him is the most important part of your marriage life as of now. Money come today and go tomorrow. You can always earn it when you need it. I am sure, you are not drawing in a loan or something.
    But when you lose the initial phase of love, care and understanding... eventually the togetherness, and a kid in this family then what is the point of keeping all the money with you? Will that give you the lost happiness?

    Your UIL or PIL are evil.. So what?
    They are money minded, so what?
    Your husband is still loving them... so what? They are his relatives, close buddies...
    You always want to prove it to him that they are after money, but as a result you eventually lost the love, care and understanding in your life... What is the point?

    Forget about others... Don't overly concentrate on your husband's wealth and who will take it at your absence. First of all, try to make him care for you instead of caring for his wealth. JMO
     
    SGBV, Oct 10, 2014
    SGBV, Oct 10, 2014
    #10
    2 people like this.
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