Very Hurted And Frustrated And Angry Sil Again

Sapna56 · Jul 24, 2016

Hi all
My SIL is creating troubles in my married life again.
Her background: she's 32, unmarried and came to stay with us in USA.
My in laws keeps on pressurizing my husband for her marriage. We are bearing all her expenses. And my hubby is only person earning here.
I have one year kid and I am also studying. Wid kid it becomes difficult for me to manage everything.
If I tell my SIL anything to do or if I don't cook for her or if I don't show hospitality, she complains back to my hubby and also let her parents know back in India.
Her parents then call my parents and start complaining about me.
She most of the time free without any work. I spite of helping me out in my routine chores she's creating more problems in my life.
She tries to create distance between me and my hubby. It's only been 2 years that we are married. I am feeling like going back to India.
My parents are also affected because of this behavior. I don't Wana trouble my parents anymore. I married against my parents wish and so they again start criticizing me that I shudnt have married this guy.
Please help what do I do in this situation.

guesshoo · Jul 24, 2016

You do have a full plate.

First ask your parents to ignore your ILs. Tell them you are married. You have a child. There is no point ruining your peace talking about what could have been. They ought to support you now and not lament because of lousy ILs. They simply need to say firmly to your ILs they are all adults; they have to s ort it out; my daughter is busy with studies and her education; please stop harassing her and us over such petty matters.

Going back to India won't solve anything. Your husband has to stand up for you against his sister and help you it the chores if she won't.

Have you spoken to your husband about this? Tell him clearly that with a 1 year old child you have to do a lot for the child's development. You can't be babying his sister. Plus your education. Tell him you need to work on it for a better future for you both. Be sincere when you say it. Don't bad mouth his sister. Say you understand thigs work differently in India however ask if this is a life he envisioned for the two of you when you both got married. It is very important to strike the right tobe and say the right words when you speak to him. Keeping him on your side is very important.

You need to stay strong and not bow down when they accuse you unfairly. If they accuse you of not cooking, politely apologise but say that sadly you don't have the time to cook the next day either.

Use your attitude and focus on your child and studies. Be cheerful. Especially with hour husband. If your sil is being malicious, roll your eyes and teasingly joke about how she's making a mountain out of a molehill.

How long is she there for anyway? I hope this isn't a permanent set up. Take care and stay strong

yellowmango · Jul 24, 2016

Why is she with you if she is not even looking for a job?
Anyways...tell your husband that at 32 she needs to take up responsibilities of an adult.How will she become independent ?How will she manage her family when she gets one?

In front of your husband say....."(hername or whatever you call her).....aaj aap kuch bana kar khilao hame...I am tired of my own cooking . Mil is such a good good,she must have taught you something.Your bhaiya is also tired of my cooking.If she makes .....praise her to the moon and back.Praise her cooking to in laws too.

Give her the clothes and stuff and ask her to start the washing machine because you have tons to do and need some help.

If you go out...give her some job to do.....politely but firmly.Let her complain.If mil says something to husband ...repeat the argument about learning responsibility and how she has to be become independent to take care of herself and her home.

Don't criticize her to husband...just tell him you all should worry about her laziness and lack of responsibility as a family....and that this is a good time for her to prepare for life ahead.

Ask her to help.If she does...praise her in front of husband and ask her to help with that work more often.

Amica · Jul 27, 2016

Give your SIL a list of chores to do. Everyone in the household should be expected to contribute.

If your ILs complain, ask your parents to take a tough stance. They could say that your SIL is putting too much strain on your marriage and they want you back home. Since they weren't in favor of your marriage, it would be believable.

Your ILs are already having a hard time getting their daughter married. Their job will become impossible if she has a divorced brother — especially if she is responsible for his divorce.

My bet is your ILs will tell your SIL to behave.