Very disturbed

priyanka12345 · May 7, 2015

Hi All,

I am very disturbed after all ths issues with husband and in laws. they keep coming to my place and stay for 2-3 days which i ignore now.
Last weekend also they came and stayed . I did not talk nor reacted to anything. it was peaceful as compared to other encounters with them

now i am going for my registration of flat on this weekend . again husband was hyper why am i taking my son? why only i can take my son to parents place and not to his parents place? will i never go to in laws place and so on..
same things. he kepot on asking me why i am behaving liket his? dont i want to continue with relation etc ? I said am fed up of answering same things to you. he gave excuse that he forgot whatever i told were the reasons. i was so pissed off that said then theres no questoon of me repeating as you will forget again.

but then he took hold of my son and he was crying to come to me . husband was telling son let your mom call police for you being with me etc .
i was silent and wanted to go out but my son was saying me not to go.
later husband did not placy son's fav akbar birbal episode saying he will only do that in case son sits next to him. son did not want and was asking him many questions.
later son came to me and we saw his episodes on my laptop. son was very angry on husband and not going to him. later he cooled down and talked with husband.

after all this i dont wish to initiate any talks with husband . now he is threatening my son taht if you want to watch tv sit with me etc etc.

on other hand my mom is having hiigh bp 100-200 . she is on medication and is taking tesnion for me .
they will be going to US for 4 months in may end ..
i really dont know what i should do with my husband ?

yellowmango · May 7, 2015

OP...this is expected behavior in your situation.It is just the extension of what has been going on.Now his insecurity has been added to th usual behavior.

Don't get alarmed.Try to stay as normal.
The only worrying part is his behavior with your son. For the time being....your son sees to be dealing well.Let it be...just distract your son when husband is being childish.Nothing wrong in him holding your son...if he does emotional drama...just tell him...No need to talk like this .

Tell him your son is too oung to stay without you right now...hence you have to take him with you .

Try not to get hassled by his drama. You have to try and be noral so that your son has atleast on reasonable parent.

priyanka12345 · May 7, 2015

yellowmango said: ↑

OP...this is expected behavior in your situation.It is just the extension of what has been going on.Now his insecurity has been added to th usual behavior.

Don't get alarmed.Try to stay as normal.
The only worrying part is his behavior with your son. For the time being....your son sees to be dealing well.Let it be...just distract your son when husband is being childish.Nothing wrong in him holding your son...if he does emotional drama...just tell him...No need to talk like this .

Tell him your son is too oung to stay without you right now...hence you have to take him with you .

Try not to get hassled by his drama. You have to try and be normal so that your son has atleast on reasonable parent.
Click to expand...

yes his behavior with my son is bad in fights. he holds my son when son wants to come to me purposefully and then son cries more.i don't know if it affects my son a lot. but later on son forgets and behaves normally with my husband.

you know when in laws came and they asked my son whether he will come ti their place, he said no because you shout at my mom .he asked my MIL to bring his small cars next time they come here . not sure how my son analyzes all this at age of 3.5 years.

yesterday husband was pestering me that when he can take my son to in laws place and i denied he being taken. later he asked abt the school admission and I said ok lets take in mumbai and i will stay with in laws . and use my bedroom., why should i give my bedroom to my SIL and her daugther. my son's bag was also not allowed tp be placed in my other SIL 1/2 bedroom, then how can i allow that ? i told my son lets go to mumbai and stay their and you go to that school. then we wiull see how they can occupy my room.i will see to it that they are off my room . (as i was been threatneded to be thrown of my house 3-4 times and parents were c alled , let SIL be thrown of my bedrrom ) then my husband got defensive and started its his room as well and the flat is his sisters as well etc. its not mine. so then i said no question of going there.

now i think its high time , if required i go to ILs place and behave as my home. do what i want , stay and if they wanna fight fight as well..
anyway for peaceful life i tried to s tay away without any luzxuries- no bed, no kitchen trolleys, no A/c . they are using all which i bought. not even gave my 2 lks which is mine when i need it, i spent 2.5 lakhs on that house which is not mine. and still getting blamed taht i am bad .
wow ..

chocolate · May 7, 2015

Op,Your hubby is throwing tantrums and storming like a small child who lost his toy. Don't worry this will be the situation until you actually move into your flat. Your hubby is playing into your in laws hands. They will be delighted by this development and go ahead with their mind games too. Be prepared. Dont contribute to anything to your in laws house. Seeing that they have milked you enuf, I feel there is more to come. Tell that you are paying emi and other reasons. Save for your furniture or to make up for 2/2 lakhs you spent on in laws.Firm up your mind. There is more tantrums and more expenses which will come your way. Your hubby threatening with your son is a new low. Don't worry everybody goes there. He is not alone. Enroll your son into some classes and let him not to see your in laws abusing you . He will be left with poor opinion about you over time or have a disturbed mind . He is too small to deal with such scenes with and your in laws are acting irrational and rather scheming .Your son is a witness to that is concerning nobody from In laws or hubby. For your hubby its best if baby bonds with his family and not with yours.( Am I repeating Indian hubby's mentality here!!- Definitely yes).Good Luck and wishing loads of patience.

priyanka12345 · May 7, 2015

chocolate said: ↑

They will be delighted by this development and go ahead with their mind games too. Be prepared.
Click to expand...

I did not get this?

its going other way with my son. he is not ready to go to in laws place without me and informed them that its because they shouted at me.
hence husband is angry that i dont let him go their.

yeah he is throwing lots of tantrums but i have become tired of them.
. not sure how many years i will have to stay with those and will it really benefit me and my son.

VanithaSudhir · May 7, 2015

I feel so sorry for your son. I have read your other threads too.

There seems to a big gap between you and your H. Of course, I completely agree that your H has deceived you. But what next ? Can you forgive him and start a life all over ?
Or you can't stand him and move out ?

I personally feel you should give one more chance for your son's sake. Try and talk amicably with your H. If you want to take your son to Mumbai, take him. Tell that you will also visit your in-laws place. He mostly should not object to it. (Whether you visit your ILs or not is upto you. But try and give a different answer if asked. Say you didn't get time etc etc. )

Be calm and don't talk about the past anymore. I am not saying you should not do things to protect your own self. Do it diplomatically. Talk to him calmly. Don't keep digging the past. If you decide to live with your H, there is no other choice except to forget the past bitterness and look forward for the future.

yellowmango · May 7, 2015

Whatever you do...buy that house for yourself. Atleast you will lock up your money and have some security.
Your house in your name.

Rihana · May 7, 2015

Priyanka,

What is going on has become a way of life, in particular for your DH and in-laws. They are not terribly bothered with the discord or impact on your son. The only thing that is bothering your DH is that you are going to have a house in your name. At this point, for any one to change their behavior it is going to take a huge thing like actual divorce notice, or flat actually getting completed and ownership/loan papers in your hand, and it is ready to rent or move in.

While it is no doubt hard to go through the days, the big thing of apartment is moving forward, and like we discussed in the other thread, you owning an apartment, you having an option, will change the dynamics. They will respect you, even if very grudgingly. You will have too much confidence to let DH's tantrums get to you. He will see the reality, and start to toe the line more.

The question though remains - is it worth continuing in such a marriage. I know you also are not sure, and it is for your son. Hang in there. Make sure the apartment thing is going fine, and keep evaluating the option of separating.

Is there a possibility of you, DH and son going out of town for 2-4 days? I am not calling it vacation, let's call it a trip.

priyanka12345 · May 8, 2015

YEs am buying the house. going for registration of that flat in my name only.

as Rihana said in laws are not bothered about our marriage any more. they are always suggesting husband to take divorce. husband also threatens me in each every fight for divorce.
yesterday at night again he was coming near to have intimacy and when i denied he again started with what i want? do i want to resolve? etc. I said yes .
but since i did not give in to his wish, he again started accusing me in front of my son in morning that i am taking him away etc etc. but my son understands now and forgets easily as well.

my husband only wants 2 things from me
1) be good to in laws and visit them often
2) have intimacy
apart from that he does not bother if we do not go on vacation , we stay in rented house, do not have double bed/A/c/ alimrah .etc. this time i am also not keen to buy any as its always that iahve to pay. all pune expenses of tv, fridge, washing machine have been borne by me including security deposit. he does not bother if he is emotionally distant to me .

his parents went for 7 days tour to darjeeling last month end and then came tpo pune for weekend. so they are enjoying and am sure its from my husband's pocket.

but for us he does not have a single penny without accusing . for my birthday also he was constantly taunting if i have money for dinner etc. in the end he payed but i also went to normal restaurant only.

so he just wants 2 things- the ones which i cannot give this time. If i give he will treat me ok. but not in front of parents. now when in quarrel he said that mumbai house is his sisters as well etc , the bedroom is his etc . Its a deadlock state and this time i do not wish to give in to his demands.

Rihana , as you mentioend am really not sure if i need to continue. but am hanging in to see if he changes.if yes good for us else right now i have nothing more to lose.

chocolate · May 8, 2015

priyanka12345 said: ↑

I did not get this?

its going other way with my son. he is not ready to go to in laws place without me and informed them that its because they shouted at me.
hence husband is angry that i dont let him go their.

yeah he is throwing lots of tantrums but i have become tired of them.
. not sure how many years i will have to stay with those and will it really benefit me and my son.
Click to expand...

OP, I meant your in laws showering love on you in front of hubby or abusing you along with him relentlessly. Also clinging on to your son double time to make you look like an outsider in this setup. Have outings with your hubby or have him spend more on them. It can be anything or everything apart from usual. Good Luck.