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Venting out my emotions

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by prachii, Dec 14, 2011.

  1. prachii

    prachii New IL'ite

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    moderator: sorry if this is in the wrong forum.

    I have been holding a lot of grief in me and I want to say it out and hopefully get back my peace of mind. This post is venting my bad experience in a relationship.

    I am very newly married, just a month ago. Being the new bride, everyone thinks I should all happy and enjoying the new found relationships. I do enjoy, smile and laugh when I am with the family. Once I am alone, I can't stop my mind to go back in time and recollect all those bad memories which have scarred me (maybe forever). First, my DH is very nice. We have known each other for 6 months before getting married and although it is only 1 month of marriage, I feel I made the right choice.

    Now, my past.
    Before I met my DH, I had a boyfriend. He was very sweet and nice in the beginning. He is the only son and was very pampered. He was very stubborn and would not even think twice about how I feel. He believed that everything he thinks, plans and implements is the right thing. Even in matters related to me, he would decide for me. In one word, he was very dominating over me. I never realised this from day 1. Then, he would criticise and belittle me. Tell me, I am good for nothing, I should feel lucky that there atleast him as my bf. A little about myself here, I am an average student in studies but I have my own talents and all through my life I would come across as a nice and person but not worse. But, I was little low on confidence. Maybe, this proved to be good for bf. His everyday negative comments on me made me go into my shell and decide that I was actually not any worth. So much was his influence!

    Then, he started stalking me - became completely possessive of me. He would listen to my conversations with friends and family. He would check my emails, social networking sites more number of times than he checked his own. If I changed my passwrd, there used to be a huge fight and as usual he would win making me believe that I am at fault. Slowly, it became even more suffocating. He would curse me, shout, scold me if I miss telling him any event that has taken place on taht day. Even if I tell it a little later or on the next day, I was not spared. He wanted me to completely change for him - eat, dress, talk, meet people only he approved of. To some extent, I did it for him. He was never satisfied. He would compare me with actress and models and talk bad about my height, weight, features and say I have bad taste. One fine day, I shouted back and gave him his own answer - Yes, I have bad taste don't forget that you are my bf only because of my bad taste (choice). This didn't stop him. His ego was hurt. He taunted me even more. He made me stop being contact with my friends and less with my family.

    Although we lived separately, he knew what I did from the time woke up to when I slept. I had to answer him why I woke up early/late or why I made such & such breakfast/meal. He had to know what all stuff I had at my place (TV, cooking utensils, vegetables, spices). Everyday he would ask me every minute detail example, 'if I said that I cooked alu, immediately he will ask do you have alu at home? you said there was no alu yesterday, where did you get it now?...so, you are doing things, without telling me....being your bf, I have every right to know every minute of your life.' He forced me to even show him my personal diary every time I wrote it and I had to write positive things about him in it to make him happy. Anything negative about him, he would create a big issue out of it and talk things like pati parmeshwar hai, etc.

    Similarly about my finances also. He would make me spend even though he knows I have very little money before getting my salary. If I didn't oblige to any of his tantrums, he used to threaten that he would call up my social circle and tell bad about me. A fool I was, I stayed put in the relation. But, there was a limit for everything and patience gave away when he said hurtful things about me, my family and my friends (he don't know family or friends in person) and compared that he, his family and friends were good and better than mine.

    I decided to call it off. but, he would not leave me. He sent emails and messages begging me to stay with him. He then threatened to commit suicide and write a letter to family, my boss that I tortured him, jilted him. Worse, he threatened to hurt me or my sister, brother. This led to me being mad and so upset that I decided to do suicide. I even attempted but failed. The new life after failed suicide attempt gave me a lot to think and understand life. I decided to end with him no matter what. I confided in a friend, took counselling and finally escaped from his menace. I cut all contact with bf and common friends. But, I still feel that I might meet him some day and I am terrified to see him.

    Now, present.
    Although this happened some time ago, I am unable to get myself into being a normal girl. I feel scared. I always feel I am being stalked, I keep looking in all directions when I go out frantically searching for any signs of ex-bf. I am worried ex will harm my DH, me or my family.

    Sorry for the long post. I wanted to shout, scream and say my experience and get rid of the grief that relationship caused.

    Thank you for reading.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2011
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  2. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    That was your past, stop thinking about him the more you think about your ex the more you are hurting yourself, move on dear, if you feel then talk to your husband about it and you would feel better.
    love
    alpa:cheers
     
  3. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    you made the right decision at the right time, from your post it seems to me that your Ex BF don't seem to be a normal person he looks to be psyche or a sadist, you need not feel guilty or scared because you got rid of him. He had taken you for granted but when you decided to call of the relationship he began begging and pleading you to stay on and even threatened suicide, but did nothing what he said so from this you can make out that this guy really doesn't have guts to do anything .. so just forget the past.. u r blessed with a nice DH have a meaningful life with him, don't let your past destroy your present happiness...

    It is really not worth thinking of your Ex BF and ruining your present life with your DH, don't get terrified if at all u end up meeting him any where after all you have not done any thing wrong it is his behavior that made you to cut all ties with him .. any normal girl in your place will do the same thing.
     
  4. Doll

    Doll New IL'ite

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    hi

    As u r newly married, i would say plz look forward instead of looking back. Be positive n just enjoy ur married lifen be with ur hubby with all the positive aspects.

    Lots of gud wishes n care
     
  5. priya4prabhu

    priya4prabhu Silver IL'ite

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    Totally factful that you think about these now.. It takes little more time to recover.. But believe me you did the right choice and be greatful to your hubby!
     
  6. shruthisp

    shruthisp Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Looks like ur Ex had Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). These people are dangerous, Thank ur lucky stars that ur life is saved from him.
    U r in the healing mode, which will take sometime...
    Just that u got into a new relationship without giving enough time for healing..

    Forget about the person, erase his memories, concentrate on present.
    Develop confidence and courage..
    When u have no emotions for that person, he can do nothing to u...
    Even if he crosses ur life, ignore him..if u handle with courage u can get rid of him..
    He was a dark past and that chapter is closed forever.. Tell urself that the nightmare is over...

    Get a feel like u r born again...U have new life, new beginning, newly married.. Njoy life...
    Cheer up!!
     
  7. esbanu

    esbanu Gold IL'ite

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    Dont worry about your past... enjoy the new life with your dh.. all the best...
     
  8. prachii

    prachii New IL'ite

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    Thank you alpa for your feedback. Infact, I told my DH about this before marriage to avoid unnecessary problems later. He is very suppportive, touchwood!
     
  9. prachii

    prachii New IL'ite

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    Thank you blessed for your reply. Maybe you are right, he doesn't have guts to do anything but then I am unable to erase the possibility of him hurting me further.
     
  10. prachii

    prachii New IL'ite

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    True. I should be positive and enjoy my life with DH - Only if I could train my mind to do so. Thank you Doll.
     

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