"Uyir" - Views about this recent Tamil film

vidhukumar · Aug 2, 2006

Dear Mr Varalotti!!!
i am surprised by such unbiased &strong views coming from a male!!(but i have been a keen follower of all your lakshmi snippets&i loved those!!!wish you would come up with more of those!!!)but well said.We are brought up in that way right from childhood to think that boys can do whatever they want but when it comes to girls,they have their limits,which is very unfair.I am not saying that girls should also be able to do whatever they want,coz if that happens then the core of our society would be shaken,all i'd like to say is that men should start seting limits for themselves too as they set limits for women and stick to it so that we can have a peaceful society rich in values.As far as the movie goes,we should take it as a lesson of what we should not do!than what can be done.....

purnima_2k · Aug 3, 2006

Well Said Vidhukumar

u have told in simple terms, what u mean exactly mean by equality bet men and women. Women gong astray like men wont mean equality in the real and healthy sense, but ppl should stop putting men on a pedestal and make them belibve that "hey great male! u can do whatever u want!"... well said!!:clap

Purnima

Vidya24 · Aug 5, 2006

devil's advocate or cat on the wall?

I was not sure if I should write here since I have not seen any of the movies in discussion. But followed Kamla's link and read about Uyir, so here are my two Euro cents.

I am not sure what the Uyir dissenters are talking of. If it is on screen vulgarity , then the blame should be shared between the movie makers and censor board. And then, Uyir is just another movie and what is portrayed is not untrue, uncommon as it may be. We are not living in Ramrajya.

Varalotti, liked the couplet on 'Jyeshta patni'. In Hindi, the term 'devar' for husband's brother is supposed to be a mutation of the word 'dvi var'- second husband, a husband in waiting if the first husband dies. The great book and greater movie,'Ek Chaddar Maili si' by the famous Rajinder Singh Bedi was based on this theme and no one protested. Aparna Sen's film, 'Picnic' also showed a cold and manipulative widow Shabhana Azmi tightening her tentacles on her BIL.

But so much for the movie and its making. You have aptly drawn attention to the philosophy of Uyir.

As long as we are in a committed marital relationship, adultery is wrong- be it incestuous or otherwise. Be it the husband or wife, who lusts the BIL/SIL or the neighbour or a colleague- it is equally wrong.

But as you have rightly pointed out, why is it that no one protested when the men strayed but did so when a woman strayed? It is equally pathetic when either strays. But somewhere along the misty lines, the actual and the normative blend here. In any society, there will some groups who are held up to higher standards of conduct and moral decency than the others. Regular examples are teachers, doctors, police etc- the so called custodians of values and law.

Within a marriage, within a society- I feel this applies to women. Be it discriminative cultural morals, social values or just practical issues- women are set a higher standard and code of conduct than men. It is bad and sad for a family when the husband / father strays. It is sadder when a woman does it because then the repercussions are more intensive and extensive.

In the 1970's there was a public interest slogan- 'educate a man, u educate an individual. Educate a woman, u educate a family, educate a generation'. The same principle applies here. When a man strays, it is just the sad idiot who loses his life. To a large extent the woman as a mother can keep her family together. Maintain their dignity and eek a life. But when a woman strays, the whole family gets shaken, the foundations crumble. The very heart of the family crumbles. Are there not exceptions to this? Yes, definitely. But these are still exceptions, not the rules.

We ain't asking for equality here. The answer to men straying is not that we women may also stray. I am not justifying witch hunts on women who leave their husbands for all right (or wrong) reasons. We are just asking for better lives and societies for our children and generations to come. And if what that takes is a higher and stricter set of values and judgement for women- that is a price we are happy to pay, but in our own terms.

These are definitely double standards. But then, we women have to live up to double the standards expected of men. And in those circumstances, the protesters against Uyire are justified. I would not call them bastions defending our culture, but somewhere in their wierd twisted minds, they have a point to make.

Vandhana · Aug 5, 2006

Well Said

Vidya,
Your post makes very good reading. I have not seen the movie Uyir , so have refrained from commenting here. But your post sums up everything neatly. I think Bollywood movies have covered this issue long back. I recall seeing a movie in which Hemamalini acted and she is forced to marry her younger devar! . it had a rural setting. Cannot recall the name. But it was a very nicely taken movie.

Vandhana

Vidya24 · Aug 5, 2006

Ek Chadder Maili si

Hello Vandhana,

Thanks for liking the post. The movie that you have mentioned is the same one Ek Chadder Maili Si- starring HemaMalini. It was a beautiful movie and as you say well-made. In Malayalam, also there is a great movie Vengalam which is based on one woman marrying two brothers at the same time. Apparently, that culture lasted till 1960s.

affly
Vidya

varalotti · Aug 6, 2006

Overwhelming is the Word!

Most Gracious ILites,
I started this thread casually as I happened to remember the other two movies while seeing the reviews of Uyir. It's really overwhelming to see your responses. The viewership has crossed the 400 mark making this the most viewed thread in this forum in recent times.
So Vidya, the excuses for the low viewership of my serial, like vacation, life is catching up, etc are not relevant.
Unlike the story which is just a statement made by me, this thread has touched a chord in the hearts of all women.
I am grateful for the responses. And I have unadulterated words of appreciation for all the responses. Your vociferous support for women equality is admirable.
I am particularly touched by the words of praise from a few ILites (eg. Vidhukumar) that though I am a male I am voicing for woman-equality.
By the same token I have to praise two responses, surprisingly, both from Vidyas, one Vidya Murali and the other from Vidya24. They have demonstrated their responsibility towards family and society by saying that if women go astray, families and societies will be threatened.
I bow down to the practical reasoning contained in these arguments. I know many families where the husbands have strayed, the women have stood their ground and have raised the children as great people. One Income tax official I know will always insist on women as 'bribe' to finish the cases. His wife knew all about that. But she did not retalliate. She focussed on her three children - two sons and a daughter. One son grew up to be an Engineer in a MNC, another son, a CA and the daughter got married to a nice, rich guy in US.
But in families where the women have gone astray, I love to quote Vidya, "the foundation crumbles."
But it's time that we take a deeper look into this problem.
Please remember that all the cases where the men strayed and the family remained intact pertain to marriages in 50s and 60s. In those days, women were financially dependent on men. More importantly, divorce carried a painful stigma. "vazhavetti" is a degree that will stick to a woman for life even if the husband drives her away from his home.
But things now are different. Women are independent, educated, and above all sensitive. It hurts them to see the infidelity of their husbands.
I'll tell you a concrete case. A young, rich friend of mine used to visit a lot of call girls. He was so rich that in that culture the wife did not mind that indiscretion.
Then this man went a step further. When he had a bad fight with his wife, he brought a call girl home one day, "to teach a lesson to his wife."
The wife was stung. You know what she did? She developed liason with the rich man's friend and in just six months' time she eloped.
The husband was shattered beyond words. But could not do anything. My God! What a shame! What complications!
And as you rightly pointed out Vidya, everything crumbled. The family was shattered. Their only son lost interest in education. The son even had a kind of identity crisis.
When the storm subsided the man married a second time. And believe me, now he is very faithful to his new wife. Doesn't even talk of call girls.
I think the entire male sex has to learn a lesson like this. Films like Uyir will make a man sit back and think. If my wife does to me what I do to her..... If this question is raised, all husbands will become Sri Ramachandra Murthis.
Another argument is that women can find happiness only within the constraints. And it is better for them not to go astray even if their husbands do. A very practical argument, agreed. (Thanks Vidya Murali for that)
We say in Madurai, "kari kadaikku ethir kadai vaikkathamma." That is don't do tit for tat in matters like these.
But if you accept this injustice for long, it will become justice. One way of revolting against this gender injustice is to portray characters like Sangeetha in Uyir. I am not advocating this as a practical solution to all women. If some woman asks my advice on her husband's infidelity, I will not definitely tell her to go astray to take revenge.
But I will rather encourage films like Uyir which has jolted the entire male sex out its characterless sleep.
Did you notice who has objected to Uyir? Males who have slept with hundreds of women. Males who have not bothered to think that their wives have hearts and minds.
All sensitive males principled males are just amused by this bold attempt.
Another argument that women are on a high pedestal like teachers, policemen etc. also does not hold much water.
In those cases their special position gives them a special responsibility. But coming to man and woman per se, each of them is special in their own way and each has the first responsibility to be faithful to their life partnes.
When Kushboo commented about premarital virginity there was an uproar.
Let me make my views very clear. Pre-marital virginity is of no importance. Post-marital fidelity is all that matters.
But if you women accept the position that men can go wrong, and not women, then as Cho said in Yarukkum Vetkam Illai, "If men are allowed to be bad they wont allow the women to be good."
My friend said, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" so, the rules you apply to women do not apply to men. ********. Whether you are from mars, venus, sun or any other galaxy, in matters of fidelity and virtue, the rules are exactly the same. Otherwise we will be making a big mockery of all the values.
I would like to end quoting Bharathi,
"karpu nilai enru koora vandal athai iru paalarkkum poduvil vaippom"
If we talk about chastity, let's make it apply with equal force to both the sexes.
Now I want your views on this.
regards,
varalotti

Vidya24 · Aug 6, 2006

whew!

Varalotti,

Will get back again later (if life does not catch up), especially since you have contested some of my views.

Just one quick question- do we women need husbands like Ramachandra Murtis? Remember he overheard some salacious gossip and got his brother to abandon his pregnant wife in the forest. Even modern co-eds are more gracious in dumping their girl friends.

Many apologies if I am digressing from the gist of the thread. You can choose not to answer now. I had to take this shot anyway.

with anticipation
Vidya24

varalotti · Aug 6, 2006

You are not digressing, Vidya

Dear Vidya,

You are not digressing at all. Do women need husbands like Ramachandra Murthis?
His dumping Sita because he heard a dhobi gossiping about her is something I can't pardon.
But when I say Sri Ramachandramurthi, I mean the Sri Rama before that event; before Ravana was killed.
When Surpanaka dressed in all splendour came to him with all lust in her eyes, remember very few males would have been able to resist such an offer, (I am not very sure of my self under similar circumstances) Sri Rama rejected her. That shows his faithfulness.
Then what happened? I am a very small fry to comment on a great epic like Ramayana. So I borrow the words of Rajaji.
He said categorically that with the killing of Ravana the purpose of the "avathara" had been completed and thereafter what remained was not Godhead. It was just an average, ordinary man, living in a male chauvinistic society. And therefore we should ignore all actions done by Sri Rama after the slaying of Ravana.
Let me just add this proviso to my previous post, it is Srirama before his Avatara purpose was fulfilled.
eagerly looking forward to your post,
varalotti