Urgent : Has anybody been through a DV case in California

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by kavya007, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Sir,

    Hearty welcome from all of us...! :)

    It is extremely useful to have a Professional like you in this forum. The reason is.........often I have seen only emotions being conveyed........and emotions being reciprocated among the members and OP.........making real solutions , elusive.

    Presence of members like you will make a tremendous difference. You would suggest real and practically viable solutions depending upon the individual context of the OP and your experience.

    You never probably can understand how valuable your presence here is. Your input will be not only useful to the OP, but also to the countless number of other members too, who may be sailing in the boat as the OP. Please continue to contribute more and more...! :)
     
  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I may be wrong....but sorry sir, I cant agree with you on this...

    Kaavya

    try to maintain distance from your husband....atleast till the court case is over..and things calm down and settle down....see if he wants to talk to you or meet the kid etc....REMEMBER always meet in public places or take your friends along with you...so that your life or kids life is not threatened... (I dont really think he will do anything..but my only worry is...in ANGER people end up doing stuff they dont mean to.....an dyou never know your hsubands mental status)

    Last but not least....do not file for divorce right now...this is not the time...adrenaline running high....emotions running high...anger running high...most american attorneys and case workers will say to file divorce also....and basically they say this because its easy to grant divorce when you show abuse....but.this is time to just stay calm and see what happens...involve your dear friends who are ready to help you.....(not the ones who want to make the best out of hte situation by dividing you n your husband...)

    At any cost......pls remember to stay calm...think twice before you do anything...or respond to anything...and REMEMBER to REMAIN SAFE!!!

    PS: the real fight comes in when inlaws and parents come toknow about this..and his and your siblings come to know about this....thats when the TESTING TIME for the MARRIAGE starts...and the way you/your husband react to the testing time will decide the future of your marriage.
     
  3. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    most american attorneys and case workers will say to file divorce also....and basically they say this because its easy to grant divorce when you show abuse.

    SV,Most american attorneys and case workers do not insist to file divorce. Its from my personal experience. Legally they cannot impose any ideas on clients.They dont too.Mine didnt . The TPO is given in all DV cases .Kavya's husband needs a very good lawyer to get him out of this.The question is not about him coming out of this . The question is whether he is repenting or seething with anger about this. Mine did too until realization dawned on him.Lets wait for Kavya's response.
     
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  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Choc

    I am not saying they insist...I am saying they suggest.....its part of the process!!! they do suggest!!they dont impose anything on any clients...i understand its against law also to impose anything on clients...our dear abcdguy himself is an example....of how SOME attorneys or case workers suggest divorce (may be not all but some surely do suggest)

    I am not saying about Kaavyas husband coming out of all this etc....I was saying...give time for everything....and not rush on divorce or anything else..
     
  5. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Kavya,
    Stay strong, you are feeling sorry for your H who had no such thoughts for you when he was bashing you up. Its good you called police or the scene could have been worse. Dont feel remorse for your action.
    Lawyers think with their heads not with their hearts thankfully. The advise given is very from a lawyer/male point of view and this is how men think unlike us women who will rather die than send patidev to jail and horror of horrors break up her marriage.
    A divorce seems to be the next step as a man/ woman is unlikely to forgive a person who sends him to jail neither would the victim like to do so.A separation is most likely.One cannot save a marriage at the cost of life.
    Since the OP is financially independent she is in a better position than other ladies who are abused by their husband. A shelter will provide her with moral support , advise as family/friends may not do the needful but may make out to be a villian instead of a victim!
    Please dont regret your action, you did the right thing, even your H would have done the same if the situation was reversed. Ignore pleas and calls from family who may pour sympathy on H.
    Let H suffer for his actions , its his call. He has no emotions , no love for you, you dont bash up people you love.
    If you had remained silent your H would still be in jail and you could have in hospital or worse. Imagine your childs plight in that scenario.
    Smell the coffee, he may regret his actions to get a lesser sentence but deep in his heart he may never forgive you.
    Our lawyer friend has given very sane, practical advise.Stay strong, you took the right action, its your life at the end of the day.Friends and family will move on to the next hot topic soon enough .
     
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  6. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    Last edited: Feb 7, 2012
  7. disillusion

    disillusion Senior IL'ite

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    Kavya, usually what happens is there will be a no contact order. If there is no no contact order then it would be better for you to apply for emergency restraining order. Don't stay in the same house with your husband. Be safe. If you have any questions you can call the police station non emergency no. You can also call the shelter and talk to domestic violence advocates. The advocates will accompany you to the court and make the process less overwhelming. Good luck, take care.
     
  8. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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  10. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Chocolate,

    If you are not an attorney please avoid speaking about the law. The court has two types of divorce fault and no-fault. In either case the court respects the decision of the people regarding the reason (if any) and lets the divorce proceed. You are wrong about a Temporary Protective Order is not given in all divorce cases, as its something that is often done ex-parte. Moreover, to get any restraining order you have to show several elements one being serious harm. Do bear in mind there are some property protectons that are done to restrict the person from liquidating property, but tat is outside the scope. Those are called Peace Order.

     

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