Upset With Insensitive Friend

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by sunnysideup, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    She is busy with her own troubles. But that doesn't mean that she didn't hear you. Seems that her mind is fully preoccupied with hers . So don't take it into ur heart. This may be case one. Case two may be she is not bothered abt others problems because she is busy with her problem. She focuses on her welfare. So if things are not coming positively she expresses her frustration. so every other thing remains secondary for her. So these are the two possibilities in her mind. But she has helped you in past. Now situations might have changed her a Lil bit. So try to work and focus on ur own problem and prioritize urs to make it positive. Focus on you first. If u make urself a priority everything comes secondary. This is not selfishness but it's an effort to make ourselves better in mind in life. Read my infertility journey and read how I suffered. That will motivate u.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2017
  2. hino

    hino Bronze IL'ite

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    I wont talk about your frustation about co sis conceived. I really dont know why you frustrated with her for conceiving . Should be happy for lil one.

    about insensitive friend : Married women will have lot of her problems. Take care of kids, handling inlaws and husband issues and many. I dont see any issue with her behaviour. Some times, if we talk too much about other personal problems and we will think friend is more probing on me. I dont think it is insensitive ..May be she might matured to talk less about sensitive issues ..
     
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  3. mbharani

    mbharani Gold IL'ite

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    I was silently following this thread from when it was started by @sunnysideup ....I don't want to talk about why her friend did like that many have said about it so I leave it there...

    I want to tell everyone who are not understanding why she feeling somewhat sad or whatever she is feeling because even she does not know why...only when people who go through infertility journey will understand....so don't take it in a wrong way I will leave with a quote maybe ....those who all have not understood why she is not feeling ok...and "it's ok to not to feel ok"....

    img-20170211-wa0006.jpg

    so please stop asking why she is frustrated or sad or whatever...and please no negative comments...
     
  4. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Don't worry.. this is just a phase. When the time is right and there is god's will, you will also have your day. Until then please understand you may come across many more people who may be insensitive to your pains or even try to run you down. Stay calm, stay strong. Please understand only people who have faced infertility issues actually understand pain associated with it. You cannot expect all others who had not been in your shoes to understand your woes. For them their own miseries count more than yours. This has been my personal experience. Don't worry you will also have your day one day.
     
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  5. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Gold IL'ite

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    You can ignore my post if you want to.

    As someone who had not experienced fertility problems, I honestly have not experienced the crushing pain that you have experienced. I think this would make it difficult for me to empathize and give you the type of support that you are looking for. When a friend of mine had her 2nd miscarriage (in 1 year) last month, I was at a loss to comfort her. For one, I had a healthy, active toddler in tow, and didn't want that to make her feel bad, but I also could not figure out the words to use to make her feel better, because my problems and stresses were based on caring for my toddler - and it would also seem insensitive to complain about the difficulties from that. Another friend of mine is still unmarried and trying to get married. Again, the same complications on how to comfort her arises. I think your friend might be in a similar situation as me, and really not knowing what to talk to you about, to give you support and comfort. I don't think this makes her any less of a friend, but it is just the limitations of her experience. When we were younger, our problems were more similar, sharing sympathy seemed easier. Now that we are older, we need a place/person to vent, but it is difficult to expect that they would relate to our problems and give us solace.
     
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  6. friendabc

    friendabc Bronze IL'ite

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    who said that ...i think u dont even understand q quarter of what i meant .and just jumped to conclusion...and IMHO ..and as u said "I dont think anyone in this world has children hoping to end their problems. " certainly ...thats what i said ..lol.... imho try harder to decipher the meaning of what i meant
    and btw abt ur humble opinion-" its not a right thing to say to a woman struggling to have kids, that life is not going to be any better after they have kids"
    ya ..so what shd one say ..i think according to u ..one shd say "ya ya ya ...keep worrying more and keep cursing ur bad luck more cuz if u cd produce one offspring then all ur problems wd hv bn solved ...uve been a great achiever in the world and the world wd hv bn a heaven for u" ...do u think one shd rather say that??? u didnt mean no offence but uve said enough offensive things by thinking that i was trying to hurt her instead of helping her ...dont try to instigate /stir up trouble here ...i m trying to help her here ..by telling her the reality .
     
  7. friendabc

    friendabc Bronze IL'ite

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    i dont think u r understanding my feeling ... and u r contradicting urself in two consecutive sentences ..first u r saying that "happiness is a state of mind" and then u r saying that "kid will add meaning to my life" ...i was just trying to show u some other perspective of life ..but i think u come from a traditional background where its ingrained on women 's mind that their life's biggest meaning/achievement is to have a child ( its not my words ..but uve said it urself
    "according to me kid adds meaning to my life" ..)
    as some great man has said----- "Find enough in yourself to, odd as it sounds, fall in love with who you are…even if you’re far from what you know you can become. Once you’re in that place, or on your way, other people—kids, lovers, spouses, partners and more—will make your journey far richer. They’ll be there to build on the base of confidence and self-esteem you’ve already built. But, if you bring them into your life as a vehicle to try to path a gaping hole in your sinking emotional ship, you’ll likely not only end up incomplete…but more alone and empty than when you began."
    i just tried to show u another perspective ..but i think we r from totally diff. backgrounds ..so just ignore my cmnt and lets be happy in our own clan..all the best
    oh btw ...study confirms having kids ruines ur life..i know it wd be indigestible for most indian stomachs but still ...
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2017
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  8. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    @sunnysideup unless someone walks in your shoes , they can never understand your pain. your friend wasn't being insensitive , its human nature . I find that all the people I know , their problems all feel trivial for me except when its serious health issues . its because I have undergone so much pain because of unloving parents that I feel that all other problems people have are trivial . anyways cheer up , you are going to have a child either way , focus on yourself , you are not running a race. everyone has their own destiny , everything has a time . its not your time yet to have a child , but someday your day will come .
     
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  9. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

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    @Sweety82 , Thanks for your reply. I guess my friend has probably reached a stage where she cant think beyond her troubles. It will be my fault if i keeping looking for her older self. I am now focusing on self and have stopped having expectations. Moreover she might have not given a second thought to our conversation its time i also stop brooding about it.
     
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  10. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

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    @ Hino, About Co sis conceiving - am sad cause i am still not pregnant. No other ill feeling and I am happy there is a little one coming in. I also would not talk more about it since that is not the issue.
    About insensitive friend- We are friends from childhood and pretty much talk about everything under the sun.Her inquiry on my personal problems would not have irked me. Moreover i feel she is insensitive because she expected me to listen to her problems while not willing to listen to mine.
     

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