Upset With Insensitive Friend

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by sunnysideup, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    @friendabc , I would say to each his own. Its your personal choice not to have kids and I respect that. its obviously annoying when people go on advising thinking that they can make better decisions for us. Having said that I am however a kind of person who is all for having kids. I am addressing my medical issues and adoption is something which i might consider as well. My vent is mainly due to lack of empathy on my friend's part to my issues. its mainly to seek some suggestions to overcome the hurt i am feeling because of her behavior.
     
    Sandycandy likes this.
  2. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    @MonikaSG, Agreed. Probably my approach might not be right. I am fighting with my own problems however when you are at your lowest these things will upset. Have to rise above all this.
     
  3. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    @nakshatra1 I am really sorry if i came across as somebody who would talk/think ill about a little life. I am sad and depressed because I am not becoming a mother that does not mean i grudge others of their good fortunes. I can never be so mean to think negative about her pregnancy. I feel there is a difference between wishing the same good fortune for ourselves and wishing misfortune on others.The vent is also mainly because i am upset with my friend since she did not empathize with my situation. I do not wish anything bad and infact absolutely adore my niece who has brought so much joy into the family.
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    210
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    maybe you and your friend have drifted apart to some extent that you can't understand each other's feelings that well..you are not wrong in feeling hurt after this conversation with your friend..you have clarified that you are not jealous of co sis and very fond of niece..it's mainly your disappointment and anxiety that made you feel so..
    She may have spoken just casually, but given your medical issues it would have hurt you a lot.
    If you feel hurt by your friend pls keep a distance from her for some time..can again maintain close rapport with her when the situation is a little better.
    Friendships change with time and circumstances..and different people have different levels of sensitivity to others feelings..it's a fact...if u give too much importance to her u will get more hurt . If u can just maintain casual friendship without confiding too much it's better as she is not a position to understand your problems now.
    During newly married days I had major in laws issues and frequent fights....that time I had so many health probs, I was stressed n depressed.. When I confided to close friends also I got a very lukewarm response and insensitive remarks only as answer. Hence I stopped confiding too much with them and started working on my relationship issues on my own without depending on anyone else to guide me..or I post in IL..sometimes I feel frustrated bottling up my feelings inside but it's better than opening up to someone else and then getting hurt.
     
    sunnysideup and Sandycandy like this.
  5. friendabc

    friendabc Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    believe me...i totally understand how u must be feeling (even though i m on the totally opposite end of u )... but think of it from another perspective .. do u think just by "having kids" u will be happy.and life's all problems will end???..if that were the case , then my dear , whole world would hv bn a heaven ...........!!! but its not the case..the more u experience life , the broader ur perspective wd be... and how many kids a 'common couple ' hs these days??? in my case ...most of the ppl i know hv only 1 kid ....and i can see all of them struggling more ..so how one's life gonna be sooooo much diff by just reproducing once !! i fail to understand that ...pls ... dont misunderstand me ..i just want to learn abt ur perspective ... ( btw indians in general r too much nosy ..dont u get constant badgering from ur in laws ?)
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2017
    nakshatra1 and sunnysideup like this.
  6. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    268
    Likes Received:
    300
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, I can totally understand your frustration. When you have tried everything under the sun to conceive and did not get pregnant yet, it is quite natural to get upset when someone gets it so easily. And I understand that you are sad for yourself, and not because your family member got pregnant for the second time. Your friend was frustrated that its not happening easily for her too, but the only difference is, she already has a child of her own and wants to have a second one. She probably was venting out her frustration when you wanted someone to comfort you. Please go out for a walk, or a run, get a manicure or a pedicure, go on a long drive, take a short weekend trip, buy something nice for yourself or binge watch movies that make you feel better instead of calliing and talking to a friend when you feel down. Or you could vent here on forums like this, you might find people who can understand your situation and write a few words of encouragement.
     
  7. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    268
    Likes Received:
    300
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    No offence meant, but I dont think anyone in this world has children hoping to end their problems. And IMHO, its not a right thing to say to a woman struggling to have kids, that life is not going to be any better after they have kids, and that they are better off without kids too. I apologize if I havent understood your post correctly.
     
  8. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    @Needtobestrong Thanks for your reply and for understanding my point of view. Although seeing a pattern in her behaviour i still relied on her which was a mistake. A little distance would give me much needed peace. As you say a casual friendship without her being my confidant would be the right approach.
     
    sindmani, yellowmango and Sandycandy like this.
  9. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    @friendabc, I do not think you are actually understanding my feeling.Happiness is a state of mind and we can be happy irrespective of the issues we are facing.However it might not always be possible as after all we are all humans. I am definitely not thinking that having a kid will solve all my problems. According to me Kid is source of constant joy and adds meaning to my life. Having a kid is completely independent of my life problems. Irrespective of the impact a kid has on my life problems I will still want a child.
     
    sindmani, yellowmango and Rihana like this.
  10. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    @Elsa, i think you nailed it Thank you. Yes venting on forums is much better compared to talking to friends who are not in my shoes. I will take your advise and do something relaxing and positive.
     
    Rihana, Preet82 and nakshatra1 like this.

Share This Page