Upset With Insensitive Friend

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by sunnysideup, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I was a silent reader of IL for a long time and then started finding solace and comfort for my fertility woes here. I usually restrict myself to fertility issues as personally I feel that is my biggest problem.

    However last week I had one of the worst weeks and needed some place to vent. Firstly my younger co sister is pregnant for the second time and I am trying to come to terms with it. Infact i dont even know what my feeling is , its beyond sadness.
    To share my feelings, I thought of speaking to my childhood friend. We were neighbors, went to same schools and colleges and separated only during our post graduation. She was a pillar of support to me when my dad passed away. She got married when she was in her final year engineering and within 1 year had her daughter. Meanwhile I started to work and married 5 years later. After one year i started trying to conceive and have been reeling under many fertility challenges like male factor, low amh, low blood flow, failed ivf's.
    From the time she got married she had lot of inlaws troubles and I was always there for her.When my challenges started she just did not have time as she was constantly worried with her own troubles. I slowly distanced myself and it hurt me that she did not seem to notice as well.
    But for old times sake and since we are family friends also i keep in touch with her. Maybe because i was upset with the cosister's news i shared it with my friend, all my friend could remark was oh she is so lucky, I am trying so hard for a second kid its not happening. And then on and on it was her story about her frustration of not conceiving again, her kid having to grow up alone, etc etc.
    To say i was annoyed was an understatement, I was hurt. She did not spare a thought for what i might be going through. I did mention dont you think its even more difficult for me, she just said do not worry it will happen. That's it . I repeated that it will happen for her as well and cut the call.
    Instead of making me feel better this call made me feel worse. Just a Vent.
     
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Platinum IL'ite

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    First of all, cheer up ! It’s not as bad as it seems ! Your friend was insensitive in her remarks but it could be that she did not realize and was not doing it deliberately. In any case you mentioned you and her had drifted apart recently and not been in touch. Cherish the good memories you created with her and move on. you don’t have to be in touch with her since she you feel she cannot support you emotionally at a particularly vulnerable time in your life. You can try to reconnect in the future when you are feeling better emotionally , if you feel like it.
    Meanwhile try to stay positive and try not to have any expectations from friends . These are your struggles and this is your journey . Not everyone will understand , but that’s ok too.
    Take care ! Wish you the best !
     
  3. sahityasundar56

    sahityasundar56 New IL'ite

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    Hello,your friend might be busy with her own life and so she is not concerned with your present situation.Be cool. Thinking too much weakens you. Good luck
     
  4. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    May be she didn't understand your intention of the call.She might have thought it was just a casual call and you just shared the news of your co-sis pregnancy. I suggest you give a thought from her point of view as well. Just a opinion. Stay positive..My wishes to you
     
  5. friendabc

    friendabc Bronze IL'ite

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    my problem is totally opposite ..... weve decided not to have kids ..i dont think its mandatory to hv kids ..but most ppl dont understand this and keep on bugging us ...and moreover ppl like u ( who cant hv kids) bug us the most by saying that "omg ..see we can hv kids ...but u r fortunate to b able to hv kids and u r denying that GREAT ACHIEVEMENT (?) to urself" i just dont get why people r so desperate to hv kids ...i dont mind as far as they keep their mania to themselves and dont impose t on others... i totally feel for u ...but let me tell u that its not the end of the world ...if noting works out then u can try adoption also ...
     
  6. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you Sandy Candy. Your post did cheer me up.As children we both had similar tastes and choices, but as we grew up we probably are two different individuals with varied opinions and thoughts. Its not necessary for her to react the way i want her to.As you say i should stop having expectations from her.
     
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  7. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply and concern sahitya. I am trying not to overthink and stay positive.
     
  8. sunnysideup

    sunnysideup Bronze IL'ite

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    @bhagya85 , A thought to ponder about.However considering the rapport we have for so many years I think it is easy for her to differentiate between a casual call and a serious vent. I just feel she has become very self centered.
     
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  9. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Silver IL'ite

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    Each individual have their own sufferings. Some might not even getting married even after so many efforts. Do you think your marriage should upset any of them? Then why are you upset with her pregnancy. Fight with your own problems don't take others examples to be sad at least.
     
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  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Silver IL'ite

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    I am not in your shoes. But i would still advise don't feel/talk negative about a little life. The negative vibes will neither be good for you nor the baby. I would absolutely hate to think someone being so negative about my pregnancy. Maybe I'm superstitious. ... But please try to think of it as a new baby coming into the family, you can shower your love on him/her.... Also, you can always adopt a little life, it's not so hopeless....
    As I said earlier, I'm not in your shoes and I don't want to judge...noone can be perfectly positive and negativity, sadness, envy are a natural human emotions, I'm just asking you to try and be positive instead. I am really praying you will become a mother soon.
     

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