Unwanted guest at home causing fights between us

Compare him with other MS students who got job and make him cheap.In front of your husband tell him seriously to start learning courses and try to attend interviews, If possible tell him to work at some indian restaurant or store as a part timer, then he will come down to earth. Why do you need to wait for your Husband, Do it yourself politely infront of your husband.

 

Try to shake some sense into your husband's head. Tell him that being nice doesnt mean anyone can come into UR home and cause fights between you guys, get branded clothes on somebody else's hard earned money, and most importantly not respecting the person who allowed him to enter the house in the first place (tht person being ur husband).

If that doesnt work, try doing some refinancing with ur husband to budget about the future of ur 3 kids (+ 1 cousin) and you two.. The reason is cuz.. with the way its going.. I dont think this cousin is going to move out even after he has found a job. He has free food, free house, free tv, free branded clothes hell why should he move out?

 

Hospitality does not mean treating the guests AS THEY WANTED TO BE TREATED. It is taking care of them WITHIN YOUR MEANS.

What is the plan for this cousin of yours? Interview and eventually move out or is he going to stick forever. This needs to be known.

If it's temporary then, put your rules in place. Shopping is only for the family. If he wants anything, then it will happen during sales (Thanksgiving, Labor day, Christmas etc). You can always tell in general how costly the lifestyle is and with 2 kids and their future at stake. There is nothing wrong in telling the other person that you are not going to entertain this anymore and you are going to look into your expenses closely.Talk to your husband and tell him not in a nagging sort of way, but more of a concerned wife and mother as to how you will manage the expenses.

About he being "I-know-it-all", next time, before he opens his mouth, sarcastically tell everyone that he is the mobile encyclopedia and thus we can listen to what he says. Nothing more. If he has any white matter inside his skull he will understand and make sure to zip his mouth to avoid any unsolicited diarrhea. :mrgreen:

About being helpful at home, next time call out explicitly. When I am overloaded and family around, no matter who's out there (I let go elders ;-)) I just ask if they can help out in loading/unloading the dishes. Or moving clothes from washer to dryer etc. They are called family for a reason right? So don't put the barrier to yourself. ASK. IN THIS WORLD THINGS HAPPEN MOST OF THE TIME ONLY AFTER YOU ASK ;-)

Good luck !!

 

I would say just treat him like a guest and make him understand what his position is in ur house and the purpose he is staying there.. Never let him dominate or degrade u.. If he acts smart, U be smart & just kick him out..

 

Every time he opens his mouth to give gyan, ask him how his job search is going? did he get any interviews lined up yet? Invent a friend who went back to India after looking for x months (the same number or less of months he has already stayed with you)? Ask him--what is his plan? What is he planning to do? Tell him about another friend of yours who stayed with relative for 2 months and then moved out to his own apartment. Do all this in your husband's presence and ask politely, casually, not in a confronting manner. Dont create situation that your husband is answering for him.
Assign him childcare duty -- Send the kids to him while you are cooking. Or give him choice -- do you want to cook or take care of kids?
Jobs scene is not good in US at all, esp for new grads. Sooner or later, you will have to ask him the tough questions. So better start at least asking him. When you and husband are little relaxed, tell him your concerns about his length of stay in private, about the bad US market, and jobs scene. Clarify that knowing an end date to this stay is in the benefit of both you and relative. Afterwards it should not come back and bite you both that your husband did not help at all in his jobs search.

 

The more he stays it would lead to life choking situation between you and you DH. I have had an unwanted person (an acquaintance) at home for months together and I know how it feels.

Stop doing all the chores for him, cook only what you usually cook, no stretching anything. Incase he comments again like above, say you are not forced to eat, you are welcome to cook the dishes you like.

Allocate work, that he goes puts the thrash out, chops vegetable, does vacuum and such suff... Do not feel guilty to be telling this. When you are cooking, and some dishes have to be washed, call him and get it done. Bhas, khali hi tho bete ho, ye kardho naa... (u r sitting jobless, so just do this na)

Before you turn out to be an animal or become mad, put your foot down and make rules. The the more comfort you give, you are making him lazy and he would not feel the heat of searching job.

 

In my view, there is nothing wrong in being a rude host to unworthy guests. He is not your husband's own brother or something. Ask him to move out. Just cant believe ur husband's stupidity

 

Tell him, why dont you try searching job in different city as well....u are already here for 2 months...u havnt found job yet so now try for new city...else u will have to go back to india soon.

Also , one more idea...u can falsely tell him that...we are planning to attend friend's wedding or anyother excuse u can make so...not sure how u will manage alone....and still if t hings is going beyond...

Forget about limits...straight away tell him on face...as such he is younger to u.... 'Tell him....as u r living in US u know how independent life ppl live so better start looking for the accommodation for urself saying am not able to manage and I dont want that i throw my tantrums on u and inturn u get demotivated to search job...we want good happens to u so better understand and start looking for accommodation & job'

 

Why are you giving him so much space? he is depending on you..he should realise that and act accordingly or you should make him realise. do not wait for your DH to take any action..you yourself can do it..when ever he opens his mouth you can shut it by asking how far is his job search in causal way. you ask him to help you in some works.do not let him to sit idle and watch tv.

Now a days its becoming difficult to manage own families expenses..so surely we cannot afford to relations shopping vacation and all.if he dont find job and move out soon only way is to tell him to go back India.
Tell him like you can go back do some courses and search again or find some job there itself for sometime.
If you are going to pamper him he is going to settle in your place so be careful.