Unknown Fear With My Toddler

Hi Ladies,

I am a working mom. My toddler is now 3.5+; Right now she goes to Pre kg.
I will leave her with my mom when i come to office.

I notice that she has some unknown fear within her.
1. She cannot face crowd. In my sister's marriage my husband kept her outside the hall until every one leaves. I can feel a fear in her, which she is not able to express
2. Even in her Birthday , we called only our parents to our house. overall it was around 8 people ( his side and my side). They are her daily sights. Even though she could not control her. She feels very uncomfortable. She shows by crying out. What ever we tell her to do, she cries stating she wont. Even she was not comfortable to wear new dress.
3. In her school too, her class teacher tells that when she was among with her class students, she is ok. But when whole school assembles my daughter does not leave the teacher. she will stand with her class teacher holding her saree tightly. I have seen her standing by her teacher in the photos posted in facebook too. i can see some kind of uncomfortness in her face. she is not happy with assembling.

When she was 1 yr old, she wont leave me. She will only go to my mother; no one can carry her. i thought as days goes by her attitude will change. now i feel i started to take a different direction. I can feel her fear. i can feel her uncomfortness. i can feel that she cannot control her actions out of her fear.


My mom says that i was also having the same behavior when i was in her age; yes i too had that fear, Sudden fear for nothing. it took many years to come out of it. The reason being my parents were too strict. they will be spanking at me even in my tender age. i feared to come home after school fearing them. Even when i get hurt during a play, i will be spanked asking why was i not careful; When i loose any stationary i would be spanked. But right now i am out of my fear factor.

But consciously i never spank at her for small reasons. In these whole 3.5 yrs only once or twice i might have shouted at her. My husband is even more patient. At times when i loose control, he will talk to her patiently and will see that she is ok. i can vouch that he can take of her well more than me.

I see the same pattern with my toddler even when we are more patient; She cannot accomodate with new people, new situation;

Some fear surrounds her. Can someone help me here. I dont want my toddler to suffer the same fear factor i had for unknown reason.

Help please ladies.
Note: when i was pregnant , i had a tough situation with my inlaws and i had unshown anger inside me. could that be a root cause for her fear? Because i feel non expressible anger has it other form named fear?

Regards,
sanarthi

 

Hi @deeprapriya,
My daughter too does the same. She cannot tolerate her class teacher's absence even for a single day. she will be upset the whole day and next day she will feel uncomfortable to start to school.

One thing i notice is that when i force, she resists a lot. When i force to talk to some new person, she wont open her mouth. One more i could see is that she cannot tolerate any say against her. If any kid insists that something she says is wrong, she cannot tolerate. she will cry.

But i can see she observes a lot; i am pregnant for the second time. when i talk with my husband with tablet names, she observes and even tell the name of the tablet and tells me to talk. She tells " Amma take folic acid, mumfer" as such.

she puts right question at right time. But when she feels the fear in herself she forgets everything. she is like a statue. She just starts to cry.

So i stopped forcing her if i feel she does things out of fear. My parents and inlaws feels that we pamper her lot. But what we feel is that even if we force/hit since she does not come by our way, day by day it will hurt her and some psychological fear will be attached. So we go by her way. but day by day the fear factor shows a different form.

Regards,
Sanarthi

 

@Amica, i can vouch, now she does not spank. Because my daughter has a habit of telling me in evenings if something was done to her. Even if she hurts herself she will tell it to me, even if my mom denied ice cream/ choc she will tell me. More over children wont get along with person who spanks. But she love to be with my mother, at times she will stay with my mother for more than a month too .. I can say my mom does not spank. AT times my dad may restrict her,but he does not spank as how he did to me. my dad too did at countable times, that too when it demanded her safety and health.

I feel that she has got the same fear i had in my child hood.:-(

 

Thanks SBGV. i will have to take her to a specialist. I was not under fear when i was pregnant. but i had constant work pressure and inlaws pressure

Anyways, i will take her to a specialist. Thanks for your time

 

Hi Sheztheone,
Thanks for your time. i will take her to a specialist.

Regards,
Sanarthi