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Turned 30 - Still Virgin - Why am having such a hardluck?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by rms1, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Your problem is not unique. Every woman goes thru periods of uncertainty. However happy they tell you they are or you think they are. Marriage and kids does not automatically guarantee happiness. Everybody has a tough life to live and nothing is handed to us. Luck has very little to do with how well you bounce back from a failure. It is al about right attitude. Stay positive and keep talking to urself in +ve way. Self talk will be very helpful
     
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  2. Saisakthi

    Saisakthi IL Hall of Fame

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    Have a great day!!!

    Dont worry dear, As said by someone in the FB, getting a right choice is more important than getting married at the right time.

    We are ardent devotees of SHIRDI SAI BABA, so suggest take solace at the feet of any GURU if you like SHIRDI SAIBABA or any GURU, you anxiety will be removed and your GURU will get you the right direction, he would be your father.

    We have been living under the guidance of SHIRDI BABA and we have no relatives around but our father and guru takes care of all our needs,

    Best wishes...
     
  3. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I understand your feelings. Let me tell you my story. I went through the exact same thing in my life. I was 21 when I married. My husband was impotent and my in-laws were horrible. My husband would not even talk to me. We left India immediately after getting married. He somehow managed not to have sex on the Wedding Night. After I went there, he'd completely ignore me. What is worse, my father-in-law would try to hug and kiss me under the pretext of calling me 'daughter'. I was stuck in a foreign country with no one to help. I was almost under house-arrest. I was only allowed to talk to my parents on speaker phone with my in-laws around. I was not allowed to speak to the neighbours and I was given no money. The only money I had was what my parents gave me for emergency purposes. I had to hide this and keep it very safely. I was only a cook and a servant in the house. Somehow I managed to get back to India in one piece.

    It took me two years to get a divorce. I was 23 when I got a divorce. I was very young. I am sure you will agree that this is not something that a 23 year old should go through. But, you know what I did?

    I came back to India, I worked for two years, through my divorce proceedings as I was not allowed to re-enter the UK during that period. Once I got my divorce, I went back to the same city (London) from which my in-laws and husband threw me away. The same city that gave me so much misery. I went back and did a Master's degree from the most prestigious university in London with the alimony money I got from the divorce settlement. I also got a Tata scholarship to go to the London School of Economics. I am graduating in December this year. It will be my proudest moment.

    Yes, I was completely dejected and lost trust in all men. As a result I started having one night stands with random men. I just needed to reassure myself that I was good enough. I needed to reassure myself that at least someone wanted to have sex with me. It was a destructive phase. Be happy that you are not in that situation. I later took counselling for one year as it was difficult for me to go back and live in the same city that gave me horrific memories. But my therapy helped me a lot. I struggled with academics because I had clinical depression. But I fought it out.

    There's more to the story. I am also getting married in June 2012. Yes, when I got divorced, I lost all faith in men. I was very dejected. But I managed to make some amazing friends along the way. I also registered in matrimonial sites and got a few dates through it. It is not at all a bad idea to go to matrimonial sites. There are some amazing divorced men out there if you like. I'd suggest looking for men who are on the matrimonial sites on their own accord rather than pushed by their families. It is always easier to get to know guys when there is little involvement from their families. It's the same for you. Try to keep your family's involvement to the minimal when you meet guys. This way you can both be yourself and also there will be fewer expectations.

    You are a well qualified woman. You can support yourself financially. This itself is a great blessing. I am sure you'll soon find another job. Don't worry, you'll find someone great! Besides, it doesn't mean you should marry someone divorced just because you already are divorced. I am now getting married to a guy who has never been married before. There are lots of broad minded men out there.

    And trust me, it is never about looks! If a guy is marrying you for your looks, there is something fundamentally wrong with that relationship. The guy should marry you for you. I found my future husband in a very close friend. I've known him since we were babies, but I never thought of him that way. But things changed. So maybe even you know someone in your circle who you never thought of as marriage material. But there are so many dimensions to people. You just need to keep looking :) I hope my story can inspire you and make you feel motivated and positive :) Good luck! Keep smiling :)
     
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  4. Saisakthi

    Saisakthi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sripree Sister,

    ...I am also getting married in June 2012....

    Wish you all success and really a heart touching live incident, appreciate your courage and strength.

    Your parents support is also to be mentioned as great, you will defiabtely be succesful in future and good you had the thoughts to express to inspire someone who is in distress and did not shy away. Hats off to you...

    Congrats!!!
     
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  5. bala9917

    bala9917 New IL'ite

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    Dear Friend,

    I know it is difficult to gain positive state of mind when you have gone through a trauma as explained. I think by this time you would have gained confidence and change. It is easy to advice , but in practical life as a girl you need a partner. Look for getting married and that change will make you more comfortable. wish you all the best.
     
  6. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Don't worry. When one door closes, another opens, you should stay strong until then. Stop being hard on yourself.
     
  7. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I can only hope she lost it by now...its a 7 year old thread :)
     
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