Ttc And Il's Role

Thanks @yellowmango for the wishes . Work is my only hope and top priority.
I dont disagree with what you said in the above post .You're spot on , appreciate it .
I have one ques . Will come back in a few mins to ask more .

 

Thank you everyone above for your suggestions .
Off late , I can and wanted to ask a lot of things to H but I stop myself not sure why but i do. Was thinking what do you all do . I don't tell or ask a lot of things to H because I know that we might say something on face but will hold the grudges for all that happened in past and what will happen in the future .
I ,for one , can not talk freely , if I know someone will hold it against me.
So mostly what we talk is mostly very random general stuff about household or ttc . Of course , ttc talks can soon turn stressful or into blame game , self pity or being counter defensive etc. So I just keep quiet during that time . Its actually very stressful for me to keep up the conversation being overtly conscious of not venturing into controversial topics . We dont discuss ils (either side) or foo. He makes sure that he shops for all the luxuries for ils when I am at work and order confirmations , phone discussions etc. happen when i am away . When I come to know about it some time later I do honestly feel a little pinch inside me . Not because he spends money on them , but it in someways brings back all the past memories . The fact that at the end of it all he squarely puts the blame on one and other walks free hurts .
Sorry , I always veer off when I start writing .
So many times I feel like telling him the other side of the story and asking him about his behavior , his stance ; but dont because i feel it will only make things sour and improves nothing.
But ,anyways coming to the doubt . what do you do if your partner holds some major grudges . If communication yields no results . When talking to h is not the option. Do you live with it or what do you do to start afresh ?

On a side note , want to know the best places to buy ivf medications for cheap . A lot of online based pharmacies where meds are less expensive are routed through EU and Israel. Any feedback on their reliability is much appreciated . upto 50% less price is making me lean towards them. But if it does mess up I will buy it from local pharmacies though. Where can I buy gonal-f (1200iu) , menopur (400iu) and generelix for less ? Dr. ofc did not give any donation info but few pharmacies list which cost less than what insurance offers. If going through web pharmacies it would be little less than $2k but physical pharmacy shops are quoting around 4.5k so I am siding more towards them. Any suggestions and opinions are welcome .

Once again thank you all for your time and efforts.
Good day/night !